Single fathers feeling trapped in one-sided system

AyeMatey · 2010-12-05T20:03:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

sh0rtwave · 2010-12-05T15:23:09+00:00

Hear FUCKING Hear.

I've been through this bullshit for years.

I'm finally in a position where I have the upper-hand, so to speak...with a growing relationship with my son (who is 18 now, no more support) and with a minimal arrears payment (long story, but I will tell it if you ask).

truthiness79 · 2010-12-05T18:59:32+00:00

Mike said he has been back and forth with lawyers, however, he firmly believes the court system is not the way to deal with families. It is costly, adversarial and does more to divide than to rehabilitate families, he said.

obviously. theres a reason why divorce law is the most profitable legal practice.

sh0rtwave · 2010-12-05T16:10:45+00:00

After re-reading this article, it strikes me that perhaps a more reasoned response is in order.

I think that in this age, there's way too much of an insistence upon the idea of the "quick dose" of information, e.g. "tl;dr", that causes too much nuanced information to be lost. So there won't be a tl;dr here.

The headline is mostly accurate...except that it's not just a "feeling" of being trapped. They are trapped by the one-sided system. The perception is correct that men are the "breadwinners"...but what the courts will often miss is how the ex-wife/girlfriend/whatever gains a sense of entitlement to that bread that's won. In my own particular case, over the 17 year period that followed me leaving my son's mother, I was in court an average of 8 times a year responding to endless petitions for changes in child support payments and fighting for visitation.

It's far too easy for a vengeful ex to use the court system/child support agencies as a weapon. Again, in my case, once I left, it was 4 years before I saw my son regularly again, because my ex enjoyed dropping the magic word "abuse" every time I won legitimate visitation. The court system is stacked against the father in this case, because as they told me "We have to investigate each instance as if it's separate". (Yes, my lawyer attempted to push the frivolous lawsuit thing, and went down the path of "legal harrasment", but because it was the state doing the harassing, and not actually her (she was simply making allegations), there was literally nothing to be done. My visitation was never uncontested.

It's also a sad case that a supporting parent has absolutely no ability to guarantee that a child is being properly supported by the custodial parent. Case in point: When picking my son up for visitation, in the middle of feburary...she's showing up with him in T-shirts and thin jackets(leaving it to me to purchase him the clothes he needs). Now with months ensuing between the times I get to see him, I seriously have to wonder if the kid is being clothed properly...or for that matter, if he's being fed properly. My wife would cook dinner, and he was stunned by the act of cooking. When questioned, he would say that his mom would heat up a hotdog. A fucking hot dog. Often, the lazy bitch wouldn't even bother heating it up for him...but I digress. There's a definite sense of powerlessness in being a concerned, responsible parent who wishes the best for his child, but having ZERO ability (the "legal" requirement of paying support aside) to make sure they get it.

As you can imagine, there are no words that explain the frustration, anger, and sense of loss that I suffered for nearly 17years as a result of the actions of my son's mother, and in conjunction, the court system...or for that matter, the sheer RAGE that she continues to convince my son of her innocence in the whole affair. At this point in time, my support payments have ceased...and now this is being used as a weapon also, because now she can't afford her rent and will have to return to living with family....(and in fact, my son doesn't actually live with her now, he lives with his uncle. Doesn't that just frost your nuts?). That's right...she's actually blaming ME (and not her poor planning/poor financial ability) for having to move. Last I spoke to my son, he was very angry about it.

Infiltraitor · 2010-12-05T19:00:57+00:00

Stop having sex with crazy women. I never understood how some guys will be completely up for having sex with a hot crazy chick, and then when this same crazy chick tells them they're pregnant with the guy's kid, the guy freaks out thinking 'what have I done.' Same goes with their poor screening process for a bride. If you think she has some major flaws now, imagine how much it will compound when a baby is involved.

Title	Single fathers feeling trapped in one-sided system
Author	tomek77
Upvotes	21
Comments	12
Date	December 5, 2010 1:06 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/egj4o/single_fathers_feeling_trapped_in_onesided_system/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/single-fathers-feeling-trapped-in-one-sided-system.1045444 https://theredarchive.com/post/1045444

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