The two faces of rape

oneiorosgrip · 2012-06-23T12:35:31+00:00

What this writer experienced in facebook debate hit me in 1997 on an AOL message board, when a self-described rape-counselor basically told me I had no right to defend myself from my (years-previous) attacker, nor any right to do anything, ever, to make myself safe from, or help myself feel safe from, future predators, because in doing so, I was hurting other women via victim blaming.

His convoluted logic insisted that it was my responsibility as a woman to be passively victimized, then later live in fear that the attacker from 10 years prior who initially had access to me only because of where I was and the element I was hanging out with, would be anyone, anywhere, at any time and there was nothing I could do about it.

I was then actively and viciously flamed by the counselor's online friends, called in by him to tell me what a sexist pig I was for having a survival story that didn't jive with their theories, and a recovery story that didn't jive with their methods. The ensuing attack of venom and vitriol carried the basic themes of "how dare you be less vulnerable and weak than we choose to believe you are" and "a woman's personal outlook is property of our political faction, and we have the right to tell you how to think and feel."

I came to the conclusion then that professionals who insist on treating all effort at reducing the vulnerability of the potential victim as victim blaming are as predatory as any forcible rapist. They make their living teaching women to feel and act like victims. They do not want us to be self-reliant, prepared to protect ourselves when it can be done, or when self-defense isn't possible, able to recover without their (paid) assistance. They do a pretty good job of getting women who can't or don't want to think past their supportive-sounding rhetoric to identify it as the sabotage that it really is.

So far, no one from the camp that calls methods of crime prevention "victim blaming" when those methods are applied to the crime of rape, has offered me any evidence to the contrary.

2012-06-23T12:39:14+00:00

Rape, algebra homework, genocide: it’s all the same to these people.

Hahahaha. I think even a psychopath would appreciate algebra a little more than rape. Obviously a psychopath doesn't find any of it emotionally challenging so there's the mental challenge aspect. Algebra and genocide are mental challenges in ways that rape is not.

I liked the 7th point for women though.

There is no faster way to make a man hate all women, and to reflexively treat all every woman he meets like crap for the rest of his life than to subject him to a false rape accusation. Accusing someone of rape is every bit as serious as committing rape in the first place. And if you’re offended by that, substitute the word “murder” and see if you don’t get why. There is also no faster way to cause some men to doubt a victimized woman’s valid rape accusation than to bring a rape charge for a false or spurious reason. If you “cry wolf” and try to use a false criminal accusation as a weapon to hurt somebody, you deserve to do hard time in prison.

TheAlphaRanger · 2012-06-23T11:40:21+00:00

If a woman says any variation of “stop” at any time, including in the middle of intercourse, you stop. You don’t slow down, you don’t pause. You get your body off of hers until both of you know what’s going on. That may mean you go home frustrated as hell. Tough shit. Take a long shower — you’re a man, not a goat, and have, or ought to have, enough self-control to avoid victimizing someone.

You would think this was common sense, but sadly, it's not.

That applies even in the case of somebody who’s explicitly playing head games with you — in fact, it applies doubly to those circumstances, because women who will play head games with sex are not quality people, and not only do you need to get away from said women, your life will be much happier if you get away from them permanently.

Amen. Don't stick your dick in crazy.

Alcohol does not excuse a man raping you. But at the same time, alcohol doesn’t mean you get a free pass on your behavior, either. You do not lose your ability to give consent simply because you’ve chosen to drink and/or to get drunk — the sad truth is that a lot of women drink in order to give themselves permission to have sex.

I wish more people realized that being drunk and being unconscious aren't the same thing. Besides, if being drunk (and the overwhelming majority of people who get drunk do it voluntarily) meant that no consent can be given, yet the woman gives consent anyway and ends up having sex, doesn't that mean that she just willingly allowed herself to be raped?

And a world in which women aren’t required to be responsible for their actions just like men are, drunk or not, is no world you want to live in….unless you like being treated like a legal permachild the way 17th and 18th-century women were. Your mothers and grandmothers fought like hell to get out of that world and into a world of legal equality. You should honor their achievements.

PREACH

bladerunner89 · 2012-06-23T15:20:22+00:00

Very nice. I am glad he gave equal clout to both sides of the arguement

Title	The two faces of rape
Author	Mediumtim
Upvotes	31
Comments	5
Date	June 23, 2012 8:45 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/vh6xj/the_two_faces_of_rape/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/the-two-faces-of-rape.1019234 https://theredarchive.com/post/1019234

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