we’re told to pursue
to be patient
to “fight for it”
so when someone we like sends confusing messages - hot one day, cold the next - we’re expected to hang in there
if we pull back? we’re emotionally unavailable
if we ask for clarity? we’re “pressuring” them
if we leave? we “didn’t try hard enough”

so we stay
even when it’s costing us our self-respect

I’ve done it
stuck around in situationships where I was constantly second-guessing myself
trying to earn consistency from someone who clearly liked the attention more than they liked me

I thought walking away made me weak
but staying there made me smaller

what helped was flipping the frame
I started asking:

• do I feel calm, or constantly uncertain?
• do they communicate clearly, or leave me guessing?
• do they match effort, or just respond when it’s convenient?
• do I trust their words, or constantly need reassurance?
• do I feel stronger around them, or more insecure?

once I started using those questions
I stopped making excuses for mixed signals
and stopped tying my masculinity to “proving I could win them over”

reading NoMixedSignals was what first gave me the language for it - that emotional clarity isn’t a luxury for men, it’s a right

you don’t need to chase someone to be seen as committed
you can walk away and still be the one with integrity