My partner [34M] committed suicide and now I [34F] feel broken, unsupported and invalidated

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My partner took his own life around 2 months ago. He struggled with severe mental illness and I stayed with him until the cops told me to leave our home for my own safety. I was the last person he chose to speak to and I still grieve for him everyday.

He left behind minor children from a previous marriage who I absolutely love and adore.

Now that the dust is about to settle, his former partner is wanting all of his insurance money and is denying me access to it despite the insurer’s decision of me getting a small portion of it. It feels like a stab in the chest being minimised and invalidated, especially when I was the only one who stayed behind when everyone else abandoned him at his lowest points.

I know that if I keep fighting for myself, I would lose access to his children and it breaks my heart. And if I give everything up, I won’t have the resources to help pay for going back to university to study mental health, as I developed a passion for it while caring for my mentally ill partner.

It is a lose-lose situation all around but I need help in seeing my situation outside of myself to come up with the strength to do the right thing.

EDIT: Just for everyone’s information - first, yes we had been in a relationship for only 6 months. The first four months of which were great and we saw the children once a week or a fortnight, depending on their availability. He relapsed the last two months with alcohol, which led to suicide. And second, the insurer has already decided that I get a small portion (10%) of the death benefit, which the ex partner is currently contesting.