Some time ago I went to church because I had something of a hunch or a feeling that I must go; perhaps it was being led by the spirit. When I arrived in church something told me not to go inside, but wait outside the main worship hall on some benches, and so I did. I was not sure why I was waiting outside so I prayed about it, that God would show me why I came here. After a few minutes, I saw a young man, about 19 years old walk around the entrance to the worship hall but hesi,tate to go in. He took a few steps in, but then backed out. This went on for some time, till I got the feeling that maybe I am here to help him.

I approached him and asked him if he was okay.

To which he said " no I am not, I have some issues that I am struggling with but I cant talk to anyone about." "Well, there's elders inside the church, and if you need someone to pray for you, they can do that for you" I said. "No, they would not understand I cant even mention or put into words the frustration and guilt I feel over my struggles." " Well then let me shoot from the hip and guess whats bothering you" said I. " I doubt you'd understand but go for it." So taking the first thing that came to mind I said " is your problem with porn, masturbation, and dealing with lust?" " HOW DID YOU KNOW?!" " Lets call it providence, my name is Alpha Bunny (alias) said I." I'm Tfizzle he said (also an alias).

AB: its alright my guy, we all go through it, thats part of life and part of being a man.

TF: Its just that I feel so guilty and dont know what to do to deal with my lust. I am such an evil man. I have many evil and perverted thoughts.

AB: I doubt it. Give me your worst thoughts and I will shoot you straight if they are.

TF: okay, so a while back there was this girl in the gym....and I kept looking at her, she was sooo hot. And as I saw her I kept having wicked, evil, depraved thoughts... I cant say it.

AB: Go ahead tell me.

TF: okay, well... I wanted to ..oh, God! *sigh I wanted to have sex with her. * he looks down and starts trembling

AB: okay and?

TF: that was it

AB: Huh? Where is the evil and depraved part?

TF: that was it, I lusted after her and looked at her with impure eyes. That makes me an adulterer.

AB: huh? Adulterer? ...Oh, I see what your problem is

TF: yeah that I am a pervert and cant control my evil desires.

AB: No that's not it

TF: Or that I am a degenerate incel looser that has no hope. I cant even control my thoughts, or the things that I look at. I have tried praying and reading the Bible but nothing works, I go back to looking at porn, masturbating feeling guilty and trying again but I just keep failing. God why is it so hard? Why is it that I alone suffer like this? Why cant I control myself like everyone else? Why am I such a sinner I am such a dum-

AB: SHUT UP!

TF: ...

AB: Listen here Tfizzle you might be many things but an adulterer you are not. I know what scripture you refer to; And I know that you do not understand what is written or you have been given wrong doctrine.

TF: What do you mean? How could you know Alpha Bunny? No disrespect but I do not think you know what you are talking about.

AB: Im gonna paraphrase here but you refer to Jesus when he said whosoever is angry without cause commits murder and whosoever looks at a woman with lust in his eyes commits adultery.

TF: yeah, cant you see? its plain and simple if I look at a woman with strong sexual desire I am an adulterer.

AB: are you single?

TF: yes

AB: is girl at the gym single?

TF: yes

AB: okay then, do you know what the definition of adultery is?

TF: yeah when you lust after someone?

AB: No, it is when you are married and you cheat with someone else. Or if you are single and go after or desire someone that is married.

TF: What?!

AB: the prohibition is against breaking marriages either your own, or someone else's. It has nothing to do with single people.

TF: Then...what doest that mean? I mean for me ? Then what do I call it when I have strong feelings for a girl and want to sleep with her?

AB: You call it being normal. You call it being a healthy man.

TF: So does that mean, that I am not..not a sinner? and adulterer?

AB: No you are not an adulterer, maybe a little horny but thats okay.

TF: So if I am not an adulterer what do I call my lust then?

AB: A God given drive. When ever you are horny you are meant to do something with it. Just like being hungry makes you want to get food, being horny means go talk to da girls.

TF: Wow!! This is the best thing I have heard in a while! But it makes sense! I was always taught that it is wrong to look at women with sexual desire but now that I think about it how does that make sense? I mean God must have made a place for it right? He gave us sex right? But oh, wait uhm what about like if you are married and lust for your wife? What do you call that?

AB: A good time. Read the Song of Solomon and the proverbs, hell even Ecclesiastes. Somewhere in there it talks about being intoxicated with your wife, and her breast are as bouncing deer.

TF: I was taught that I must never read that book, that it is forbidden.

AB: Is it in the Bible?

TF: uhm yeah

AB: then read it. God put it there for a reason.

The conversation continued for sometime. He asked me about questions he had and doubts about what he had been taught. I answered to the best of my ability and cited scripture where appropriate. Eventually our conversation ended right about the time the main service was over and people were starting to leave.

TF: okay yeah that makes sense. So I feel good now that I know its okay to have feelings for women but then again I dont know what to do from here. Whats next?

AB: See a cute girl you like and start a conversation. It takes practice but the more you do it the easier it gets. Also no one is a natural at it, its a skill like anything else.

TF: So just like that Alpha Bunny? Just see a girl and just talk to her? What do I say?

AB: for now just go up to a cute girl and introduce yourself, let her know youve got things to do but that you wanted to say hello. And from then on see how it goes.

TF: thats it? I thought it would be more complicated

AB: nope just that, and if you screw up thats okay. Put in your reps and Git Guud

TF: Okay then alright that sounds great! So can I approach here?

AB: Yes, in fact look over there. * I point to a cute girl dressed modestly with a bible and a purse. Go over there and talk to her.

TF: right now?!

AB: yes right now.

TF: but, but

AB: Stop thinking and approach * I gave him a shove in her direction

Sure enough Tfizzle approached her and they had a decent conversation. They talked for about 5 minutes and there was a bit of banter. Afterwards Tfizzle came back to me and told me he felt ecstatic, he did not get her number or anything but laid the ground work, and apparently she said I hope to see you next week. That was his first cold approach and from what I saw it would not be his last.

I would like to say that Tfizzle's situation was unique but it seems to be the norm rather than the exception. I have talked to many young men in worse situations and not all of them are as receptive to the truth. Other times I have been interrupted by church elders that vehemently oppose me talking to young men about leadership and working out. So there it is. Have you guys had similar experiences? Would you call my conversation with Tfizzle providence? God, coincidence? or something else? Why do so many young men in church believe their sexuality is wrong? Did they all reach the same conclusion or were they taught that? What would you guys do to change church culture? I would like to hear your stories and suggestions.

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