Mission: medicine. I’m currently a third year medical student. Grateful for God’s blessing to give me the opportunity to be in medical school. I can’t imagine myself doing anything else and I see it as my way to serve others and God. I am a first gen student and an immigrant so I know very well that I’m in medical school because of God’s grace.

Stats: I am going to be completely honest here, so here we go, body fat=19-20%. I believe it’s lower but I have gynecomastia from puberty that I can’t afford to get the surgery to improve my body looks. Gyno also skew body fat readings since I use a scale with electric impedance. Although it is mild/moderate and can be hidden with the right outfit, it is affecting my confidence in my body. Also no matter how high I bench and lift, my chest doesn’t change aesthetically. Otherwise I’m fit. I played soccer all throughout high school and for a year during college. Then my time got limited so now I lift 3 days per week doing 5x5.

Height: 5’9’’ Weight 174-177. I measure it twice a week since I’m currently on maintenance using the RP diet app. Lifts: bench 135lbs (down from 180lbs). DL 135lbs (down from 320lbs). Squats 185lbs (down from 230lbs) Overhead press 95lbs (down from 115 lbs) These weights are after I haven’t worked out for the past 8-10 weeks. My highest before then were added in brackets. I’m going up slowly to prevent injury.

Reading: I’ve read a lot of red pill books 3 years ago. The way of the Superior man, WISNIFG, NMMNG, The Married Man Sex Life Primer. I have read some of the PUA books out of curiosity at the time but never got into it. I am more interested in becoming a better leader in life in general.

Finances: my finances are not good. As a medical student from a poor background, I use loans to pay for school and to live. My wife is studying as well so she lives with me and I take care of rent and bills. She takes care of the groceries. I am very good with money otherwise. I had already known going into medicine the loans and I have a plan to pay them off. I chose a medical school that’s probably the cheapest in the country while still get decent medical education.

Spiritual: I have neglected my bible reading for the past 2 years. I had just come back to it last week. I have had a hard time balancing medicine, life in general, time with my wife, and my time with God. I hope I can get guidance in this area as well. Currently doing the 2:7 series (a course in memorizing, reading, and building a strong biblical foundation). Church goer every Sunday. Formed few friendships but no real brotherhood unfortunately. Still working on this aspect of finding a community of strong leaders and learn from them.

I realize my stats are long, but this is basically my life. In addition to that, I want to say I am not an attractive guy. Maybe a 4 or 5/10 lol. But I have a decent social skills that I have good friendships. Socially, I am well respected by others (except my wife). I have worked hard with God’s guidance and His will to build a life that’s been transformed from bad, to good, to better, and hopefully to great!

The thing that I need help with is that my wife almost never takes any guidance from me. It feels like she is constantly fighting for power and I’m not a passive guy. The smallest thing that she wants, and she would throw fits, and eventually, she straight up goes against my word in everything. If she wants to buy a dresser, I said wait 1-2 months for us to move to a bigger apartment (we are moving soon). She insulted me, called me abusive, and that I am the worst husband, stopped talking to me for 2-3 days. Then she begged me and cried. I said I still want you to wait, but if you want it so much, I can’t stop you. She went and bought it. During this time (8 weeks), I was studying for our medical board exam (USMLE Step 1). It is an 8 hour test, the hardest test I have ever taken. I was putting 10-12 hours of studying a day, at the library and I would go home to a wife who would stonewall me cause I did not say yes to a dresser. I never said yes, but now she has it in our room, it reminds me of how disrespected I felt. This is one example, out of MANY. Those 8 weeks were hell. The test alone gets people in medical school suicidal. For me, I had to deal with a hard test and a wife that did everything in her power to go against me in every way. She did take care of the cooking and cleaning, for that I am grateful, but I had slept on the couch many nights cause she would disrespect my word in every way and then acts angry and asks me to sleep in the living room. Can never get her to agree on anything. I feel I am alone working on my mission and she is making it harder, much harder. I have been slowly accepting that divorce might be better because this has been the case for 2-3 years now. No kids. Any guidance in establishing a better leadership in my marriage? Things improve then she finds the next thing to repeat this cycle. Other than how she rarely listens to me, stonewalling, attitude and disrespectful tone has been slowly becoming the norm.

I have reached out to few people who are Godly. They prayed for me. I believe in the power of prayers. I just have not made any progress for years now and I don’t know what to do at this point. She just tonight brought up separation and I can understand why she did, and I also accept it. I just not sure how to handle this whole situation. Thank you for whoever reads this!