Own your self (also known as own your sh*t) is the way in which we track our own progress and open the door for input from others on RPC. Note: if you’re wondering why the reddit OYS’s are so thin these days it’s because most, if not all of them, are posted on the Discord server.

Today I’m reminding you all of what it means to OYS. Recently we’ve seen some ordinary, to downright waste of time posts in the OYS channel. Guys having an absolute cry about their lives, unsure of themselves or what to do, skipping gym, whining about their wives, falling into sinful patterns, the goberment, not bothering to spend time with God for 5 minutes, craving validation, not reading the sidebar, and worst of all – blaming God for all of it.

Why OYS?

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. – Proverbs 27:17

The reason why we OYS is to become strong Christian men who bear fruit for the kingdom.

RPC has a negative reputation among many Christian subreddits, yet we still get inundated by guys reaching out for guidance. Why is that? Christian men want to be sharpened by brothers in the faith who aren’t going to coddle them.

When looking for that sharpening, most guys are still locked into the feminine worldview default to modern society. They’ve never been in the men’s locker-room. As such, they aren’t sure how to effectively conduct themselves in this space. They simply turn off their brain, write out a ‘dear diary’ entry and hope someone else can fix their life for them.

Brothers, this is not how OYS works. Your OYS post is about how YOU are fixing YOU.

Here are some basic errors we often come across:

  • Blaming everyone else
  • *Writing about everything wrong
  • “I’m looking for feedback on this”
  • “Spank me u/Praexology”
  • Your wife/gf’s problems and responses to you
  • Random and irrelevant BS
  • “I don’t know what to do”
  • Seeking validation

None of those indicate a man who is ‘owning their stuff’. This is why we recommend you read the sidebar or at least start making your way through it before posting an OYS. Also, indicate to what extent you have read it within your post. Even further than that, mention things within the sidebar that you disagree with. A common point of tension is always AWALT. Guys may read the sidebar but refuse to believe their special snowflake wife has the same wants, needs and desires as every other woman out there. With this information we will have a better idea as to what beliefs/attitudes are causing particular problems.

What should an OYS include?

*We allow you to have 1 victim puke. Which means you can have 1 OYS post that is essentially a giant vent about everything wrong and why (hint: YOU). Beyond this, your OYS posts only need to convey 2 things:

  • What you’re doing.
  • What matters.

What you’re doing.

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. – James 3:13

What are you doing? That includes the good and the bad.

As you’ll notice in the weekly OYS comment section, we’ve given some ideas to spur your thinking and assign things under certain topics. A common organization is: Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Relationship, Mission. Don’t feel obliged take this format as gospel though. We find it helps to segment things under headings, so we aren’t reading a 100-word rambling sentence.

Only writing about what you’re doing helps eliminate all the irrelevant BS, or more precisely the BS you don’t have (or want to have) control over.

I’m failing classes at Uni, but my parents won’t let me dropout. I don’t really care about the work and don’t see much point doing any of it. There’s a girl I like but she doesn’t seem interested. I think it’s because of my bad haircut and also being a beta. I feel like God is distant.

I hope by now you can see what’s wrong with something like this. I’m almost triggering myself right now. The main issue is that this guy just doesn’t get it. It’s a bunch of rambling and complaining that nobody cares about.

Consider:

I’m failing classes at Uni. I don’t like the work and don’t see the point. I like a girl, but don’t know if she’s a viable option yet. I have a crappy haircut. I’m beta. I feel like God is distant.

The second individual has been able to take ownership rather than waffle over his issues. Writing like this also helps someone to have the lightbulb moment where they realize, “When I finally put my problems out there, the solutions seem more obvious as to why my life isn’t what I want.” The result is that the guy who wrote this better OYS will actually end up writing something more like this:

I’m failing classes at Uni. I need to get serious about improving my grades or drop out, despite the fact that there are some serious challenges in either of these directions. I don’t like the work and don’t see the point, but I do recognize that it’s either going to pay off in the end or it won’t, and that’s a judgment call I need to make today. There’s a girl I like, but without any IOIs yet, I need to be bolder about how I talk with her to see if it’s worth continuing to invest time, energy, and emotion on her. I have a crappy haircut. Need to get that fixed. I’m a beta. I need to fix that too. I feel like God is distant. I should start focusing on spending time with him also.

This guy knows what needs to be done and is obviously processing things he is reading in the sidebar. There is hope for someone like this because he is willing to own himself without outright blaming others. He isn’t hiding the embarrassing stuff either. ‘Owning your sh*t’ starts with ‘owning up to your sh*t’. Don’t pretend to be alpha and only post about how well you’re doing – it only hurts you.

The second guys post also enables us to see what his intended actions are so that we can put up guard rails if he’s about to make a stupid decision. Alternatively, even if we’re not changing what he does, we can give better advice on how to optimize the ideas he already has. For example, if he vaguely says he needs to “start focusing on time with God also,” we can begin to offer ways to do that.

A guy who doesn’t give these intentions or ideas comes off as someone who just expects others to tell him what to do. That’s literally the opposite of “owning your SELF.” If you’re going to own your SELF, you’d better say what you plan to do with yourself. After that, we’ll tell you if you’re being an idiot or not.

What matters.

Discerning things worth mentioning is important for you to track your progress. Was there a particular interaction with your wife that would be worth recalling as a gauge for the progress you’re making? Did you fail to assert yourself and draw boundaries with a coworker or family member? Did you make approaches or p*ssy out? Did you lift consistently? Pray and read the Bible consistently?

It’s up to you to decide what you think is worth mentioning, as long as you are the main character and that it matters. A simple rule of thumb is that your OYS is full of I’s and very few she/her’s.

Mission matters.

For what shall it profit a man, if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? - Mark 8:36

I want to conclude by emphasizing the most important part of an OYS. You need to address your mission. Now this isn’t just to have you declare what your mission is, we want to know what you’re doing to fulfill it.

When men come to us with problems, we’re more interested in why the problem matters than in solving the problem itself. u/Red-Curious can give a guy advice all day long about how to improve his sex life or relational prospects. But if that’s not working towards advancing the Kingdom in some way, we betray our true calling.

TL;DR - Remember the 2 pillars of an OYS done right:

  • Things you’re doing.
  • Things that matter.