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How to help boys to be more confident ?

August 21, 2021
18 upvotes

Hi all,

This article will probably be ongoing as I got more ideas along the way. Basically, I will present some ideas I have personally tested to raise boys to be more confident.

First, as an introduction, my boys are 6 and 8 years old. They are introverts like me. I believe that it takes a village to raise children. Kids can learn from teachers, trainers, grandparents, neighbors, and so on.

Less words and more actions. I believe kids should have more social experience (safely) and fewer lectures from parents. When they do have a problem (conflict or such) then you provide some guidance. It is a natural process.

-Avoid tablets, video games, tv but prefer giving them comics, books, board games. If they do not play video games they will be more interested to go outside and meet other kids.

Social ( probably the most important)

- Sign your boys to team sports or martial arts

My older son does twice a week a team sport and he is quite good at it. Any sport you are moderately good at can bring confidence. My younger son does once a week, for now, a martial sport. This is a matter of personal kid's taste of course.

- From an early age push them to be social ( go to parks where they can meet kids, push them to meet kids in your own neighborhood, holidays, etc...)

I have noticed that my boys approach new kids more easily by applying this method.

- Slowly let your kids go on their own with friends from your neighborhood. I have to be honest this is kind of scary at first to let them go on their own. You have to teach them how to recognize danger first. For me, it was difficult at first because bigger kids were annoying little ones in my own neighborhood. My younger son got pushed on the ground once by a bigger one. This is life. This is experience. This is a trial and error process and you have to feel your kids are mature enough to let them play with kids on the street.

Be careful that they don't become a target for a bully. Stop letting them go out often if a bully regularly attack them because it can be damaging for confidence. You can monitor at first and be present with them when meeting other kids before letting them go on their own for a small amount of time.

I noticed that confident boys are often outside on their own. They probably feel like they are the boss or something. They are not scared of anybody and girls seem to like them of course.

Teaching

- Teach your kids an eye for an eye mentality.

Why? It is bully prevention. To my mind, it is very important. You can even do some kind of role-play where you pretend to be a bully and tell your kid to react.

- Wrestling

Many studies have shown that boys gain more confidence from wrestling with their fathers.

-Girl /Boy difference

From time to time sons will tell me some behavior of girls that boys do not. Then I tell them slowly about the need for an adult man to be strong and women don't need as much. That is why girls report to teachers, they need protection. Boys and adult men need to protect themself and others.

I also do tell them few red pill concepts when the time is right like "focus on your own goals". But I don't do it often.

- Teach skills such as fixing stuff. My boys love to pretend they are fixing stuff around the house.

- Help kids to do their homework

- Read stories at night

Obviously, the main idea is to be a role model for your child. As a father, you should eat well, do body lifting, be a masculine man. Why not bring kids to your personal hobbies or work from time to time. Show them you are a confident man in this world is good too of course.

Any other field-tested ideas?

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[–]BillunNuuhqija 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Martial arts. It's just solves so many problems. Having the confidence of being able to handle your peers. Can't really be bullied. And once you start reaching teenage years going out alone it's just great to know they can handle problems. Lot less to be concerned about. Handling discomfort.

BJJ is the best option. Well in terms of effectiveness MMA is better but there are some monetary challenges there. Wrestling is there as well. Not much you can do against a wrestler.

Beyond martial arts just getting good at something and competing to win in it. It does have to be something they want to do which might not be martial arts, but still for me martial arts is mandatory. Seeing that you can outcome your peers with daily practice. Pain of losing. Joy of winning when it matters to you because of the effort. Understanding you are capable. Managing nerves. Competition is crucial.

And then in teenage years if you are competing in something and trying to win that directly translates into girls. Not much else a teenager can impress a girl with. Preferably something that involves violence and aggression in some form. Soccer, BJJ, hockey, MX, racing karts, basketball, something you are competing directly against someone else.

[–]nemo_land[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do you talk from your one experience?

[–]TrenGod37 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I agree with a lot of these. Usually if my kids asks if they can watch tv. Or play some videos games. I will ask them. What have you done today? If they don’t have an answer that shows they either went outside or did something productive. I will shoot the video games down. Kids are going to want to enjoy those things. Especially this day in age. But I use it as a reward for being productive.

“Teach your kids and eye for an eye mentality”

This is the only thing I don’t agree with. This actually will start to have your kids make covert contracts as they get older. My dad always taught me. Be fair. And eye for an eye.

But I noticed now as a man and the leader of my house hold I was having a lot of covert contracts because of it. I would expect others to treat me like I treat them. And if they didn’t then I would become resentful.

In turn id say just teach them to be good people and that their time is valuable. the world isn’t fair. And they can either accept it. Or withdrawal their time and attention from people who don’t treat them fairly.

If it comes to bullying that’s where the martial arts comes in, but also teach them when and when not to use it.

[–]nemo_land[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Maybe you are right about the "eye for an eye" mentality. The way I teach them, this is in the context of mostly small violent interactions. For example, I tell them "if somebody kicks you, you kick him back. If somebody insults, you insult him back, etc ...

At school, some teachers(all women of course) tell kids to report any violent behavior and to not defend themselves. So kids are sometimes confused about what to do. In long term, however, knowing how to defend yourself is a valuable skill. Women do love a man who can protect himself and others of course! The younger your start to learn this , the better in my opinion. Asking for help from adults all the time against bullies is not a good idea for me. It makes kids depending all the time for others. As they grow old they will quickly realise that mommy or teacher is not there when you have real problems .I will definitely continue with my "eye for an eye " policy.

[–]TrenGod37 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I like more of. If he kicks you. Kick the shit out of him. If he insults you. Agree and amplify.

Nothing will teach confidence to a young kid other than not caring what people say about their flaws.

I taught my daughter the power of saying “so what?” I told her if anyone insults her just say. So what. Because she’s too young to understand AA right now.

Bullies feed off vulnerable. If you tell your son to insult him back. The bully might be better at it and if he’s already intimidated it could make the situation worst. If he doesn’t care or just says so what? It loses all its power.

You know how many years of torment that would Of saved me as a child had my dad taught me to say “when bullies say you have a big nose. Just agree and say the ladies dig it” instead of me trying to fight back on it. Years! Lol

There are better ways to teach our children to combat bullying that don’t involve bullying back.

Stupid insults. Who gives a shit right? Now if the kid gets physical. By all means tell the little guy to put him in an arm bar 😂

It isn’t about depending on adults. It’s teaching them to depend on theirselves and get their validation from with in. It’s a very strong trait to be able to let insults roll off your back.

I mean look at the RP sub. They constantly are calling newcomers. Faggots. And all sorts of stuff. Why? Because if you cant handle a little insults from retards on the internet how are you going to survive in the real world. It’s all just shit Tests.

[–]nemo_land[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I do agree with you. I updated the post with your remark. I personally told my older son something similar. But my younger son seems to not be mature enough for this sort of verbal strategy :).

[–]TrenGod37 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s okay he will learn from your actions more than he will ever learn from your words. I think that’s another good end point to put in there.

Our children will learn more from our actions than they ever will from our words.

My father always told me, “never do this. never do like me.” But as a child we look up to our fathers. So we think. “He said not to do it. but why did he do it?” It brings on a curiosity that a young child can’t help but want to investigate.

Being older I find I’m more like my father than I ever wanted to be. The good and the bad.

Also just being there for your children. Like how you said your sons too young to understand. It doesn’t matter. Be there for him. Talk to him even though he doesn’t understand. Because one day he will.

This includes just being present in your time with them. Not being on your phone. Narrating the things your doing. Etc.

It’s seems you’re already doing all these things but it’s worth noting for others.

Also good on you for being a good father. Keep it up

[–]NoSexMonk 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

fkin based

[–]purplerainshadegrey 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Martial arts

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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