So I would say I’m decently attractive, I won’t be everyone’s type but I’m slim build (98lbs), 5’4, have a nice butt, nice face, and I get a lot of male attention. I’m also intelligent, won academic prizes, currently in college, interned at an international law firm, secured a finance internship in top 20 of fortune 500 company, multilingual. I have good social skills and make friends easily, well travelled, and like yoga, pilates, running.

HOWEVER: I was not RPed before. My mother has mental health struggles and I had to basically raise her and had a traumatic upbringing. I find it difficult to trust people fully, and although I have had many close friendships I have not had many close romantic relationships.

Because men came easily to me (could get 10K tinder likes in 1 month), I saw them as pretty fickle - easy come, easy go. It’s hard for me to let my guard down and trust.

The majority of the men I have dated are 6’, many 6’4, some above 6’6. One is an Olympic athlete, and others are football/basketball players. They are usually at my college and have a high IQ in STEM, or work in finance if they are older. Most are my economic background of private school, but quite a few were of a higher socioeconomic status and some from families with $1M.

The problem is, even, for example, when I was with a 6’4 finance bro who was kind, took me to fancy dinners, and HV… I dumped him. I would always find fault, and I would usually date a few men at once. He didn’t seem special to me, just normal. My longest relationship was with another boy who had ADHD and we were very tumultuous and toxic.

But now I’ve read RP and I didn’t realise that a lot of these traits in men are pretty rare. I know I’m HV on paper, but I have mental health struggles. I’m neurodivergent, which isn’t a problem because almost all of my previous men were, but on top of that I have a problem with my motor skills meaning I’m a terrible cook, clumsy and wouldn’t make a good traditional housewife. Otherwise, my now-medicated ADHD means that I have had periods of emotional dysregulation, making me hard to read for men, because 1 minute I would be all in and the next I’d be out the door.

As a result of this impulsivity, as well as sexual trauma, I had a promiscuous few years, and I come across pretty innocent/cutesy, so normally boys would not assume out the gate I’m a whore, but I would almost immediately jump into bed with them. This meant I lost out on some men if they were more traditional.

I know that this lowers my value as my body count is slightly higher than average. I haven’t used dating apps since March 2021, and the last boy I was dating I ended things with in Oct 2021, and have been in 100% nun mode since.

Due to my medication and a lot of therapy I am no longer impulsive and I regret ending things with boys who had nothing wrong with them (and in the eyes of RP were HV). I’m 21 so my ideal is to meet another HVM (I can’t be with someone less intelligent than me, I like tall men and don’t want to date below my socioeconomic background), and marry him. I have no interest in dating around anymore.

What are the RP tips to make up for my high N count, manage my mental health, and whatever other advice? I’m never going to bake the best cake but I must be doing something right if I’ve been able to attract men - I just can’t make them stay, or make myself stay.

usually I feel stifled if they like me, or if they don’t commit the criticism is usually:

  • They didn’t think I was serious about them

  • I’m hard to read / they don’t know where to stand with me

  • I was playing games

  • I’m cold and never compliment them or text them back

  • Also because me being rejected was rare and has happened like 3 times (1 asked me to be his gf then broke up with me, 1 only wanted sex, 1 wanted to date me but then freaked out bc we hooked up too early) - I get alpha widowed and obsessive badly