Being with someone you didn’t expect

Consistent-Citron513 · 2024-12-12T09:17:00+00:00

Many people end up with someone they didn't expect. Sometimes that's a good thing and other times it isn't. Nobody will check all of our boxes because nobody is objectively perfect, but you have to determine if they are checking the most important ones.

I think coming from toxic relationships, it's important to ask ourselves when we get with someone who is relatively decent, are we exaggerating our grievances or are these things likely to be a long-term issue? For instance, my best friend has had a series of abusive relationships, as have I. She is with a guy now who is very kind and patient. He doesn't pressure her to do things, he supports her career goals, and he has helped her financially and emotionally when she was in a worse off spot. Her hang ups with him are that he smokes weed and doesn't work. His family is very wealthy so he is in a position where he will likely never have to work. He has also been babied by his mom. She has a big problem with these two things and has gone back & forth with wondering if she should part ways, but has now realized that at least for now, he checks the most important boxes. She loves him and despite these flaws, there is no doubt that he loves her.

AutoModerator · 2024-12-11T22:06:15+00:00

Title: Being with someone you didn’t expect

Author olivegreenpolish

Full text: Hi guys…I really am at a loss here. I fell in love with my partner while we were in our last semester of our undergrad and are now pursuing a masters together. We’ve moved in together and have been living together for almost a year now, but in our own little place for three months.

I fell in love with his personality. I was in a toxic, unhealthy relationship previously and my current partner was such a huge breath of fresh air. So kind and levelheaded, patient with me, matches my relaxed personality. However, some things I overlooked when vetting are now starting to weigh heavier on me. I feel like I was just so happy and relieved to have met a man who wasn’t toxic, controlling and manipulative that I overlooked some key qualities I would’ve liked in a partner…idk how to explain it. Obviously my dream partner would be kind, respectful and supportive and that is above all but I don’t know…my partner sometimes feels so different than what I had envisioned for myself. Is this normal?

My partner has always been babied by his mom and he can be lazy. He refuses to cook, he doesn’t clean unless asked of him, his hobby are video games. I didn’t realize it then but now I wish I had a partner who enjoyed cooking, being in the kitchen, someone I could banter with in there and we could build off each other. I love reading, he hates reading. He likes the outdoors but can be lazy and a chore to get him out. Additionally, I always thought I’d end up with a God-centered man and we went to church for a while but had to move and haven’t sought that anymore. I wish I had a man who could lead me more, and lead me in that aspect too. I don’t know. As im typing this out this all seems frivolous, I mean, how often do you actually meet someone who checks off ALL the boxes right? I don’t know…I just want to know if this is normal to some extent…I love him and who he is as a person but maybe we just need to continue to grow as people. I don’t know…

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AutoModerator · 2024-12-11T22:06:16+00:00

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xoxo_tou · 2024-12-12T09:03:06+00:00

The longer you wait the harder it will be, you already know the answer

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-12-12T13:06:03+00:00

People don't usually check all of each other's boxes, but laziness can be a real issue. You mentioned it more than once, so it's worth considering if it's something you want to deal with forever, particularly with kids. The desire for a religious leader is more concerning. If you're religious and think that will only increase and he's lazy and disinterested, that's a choice you have to make as well. Ultimately, it's really up to you whether or not you want to take these issues on forever. Just know he's unlikely to change. If you want him to do things for you, with you, you're going to have to lead.

Any_Praline1437 · 2024-12-14T19:06:05+00:00

Okay well ask yourself this.. If he did change his ways and checked more boxes would you still have this doubt. Seems like your attraction to him is decreasing and his habits seem even more of an issue. He seems like a good guy but no edge to him. Do u ever think about ur ex ?

Title	Being with someone you didn’t expect
Author	olivegreenpolish
Upvotes	11
Comments	6
Date	December 11, 2024 10:06 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1hc5h5u/being_with_someone_you_didnt_expect/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/being-with-someone-you-didnt-expect.1538254 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538254

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