Hello all,

I'm a first time poster so please be patient with me. I'm an older (let's say between 30-40 year old) woman and have read about these philosophies for a few years now after coming out of a LTR.

I've potentially violated some good rules by having multiple men in my life over the past few years. I'd like a commitment but I'm okay being single, too. However, there is one man who's been around for a couple years who really, really does it for me. I can't tell if he's particularly alpha, because he's pretty introverted and avoidant, but I am intensely attracted to him, we have amazing chemistry, and we have very complimentary personalities. Since he's so avoidant, I don't see him much and I try not to focus much on him.

However, there's another man who has been extremely persistent. He's a total beta and an orbiter at this point. He knows all about the other men and wants to stay friends regardless, even though I downgraded with him recently exclusively because of the man I mentioned above. He is really into me. The problem is that I'm not attracted to him at all and he doesn't pursue me in a manly way sexually. He's a typical nice, passive guy.

My question is, do I have to give up physical chemistry and attraction for my ideal relationship?? Guy #1 is everything I'd want, so I worry constantly that he's out of my league. However, I am also sure that I'm out of guy #2's league. I've found love before where there was mutual attraction, but maybe my SMV is just being reduced due to my age (although they're both my age--guy 1 is two years older, guy 2 is a year younger)? I'm at my best physically and emotionally now, and both men are attracted to me. But am I destined to end up with a beta that I'm not attracted to?!