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[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]veronicotine1 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
I’ve edited my post! And thank you for your response. How can I make sure my self-esteem and feelings towards sex are at its best?
[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]veronicotine1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
It’s fine, I think I need all the help I can get!
Physically, I feel fine with my body. I don’t feel like I have the best body but I am comfortable with myself, I don’t pick at any of my trouble areas. I guess I don’t hate my body but I don’t love it either. I am perfectly comfortable with him seeing me naked in strong lighting, because he always makes me feel like a goddess and I am always so comfortable around him.
Attitude wise, sex and my SO himself both feel safe to me. I don’t feel pressured at all with him, and I also don’t feel that sex is painful etc. Sex is pleasurable with him, he genuinely takes care of my needs and would stop if I was uncomfortable with something. And I trust him with my life. In the past before therapy, I did dread sex and felt it was a bit chore-like because of the mentioned sexual assault with an ex. My ex made it routine for me to help him get off, and he didn’t take care of my needs at all. I absolutely hated it but I was still forced into it so I guess I was conditioned that way. That was also my first sexual experience ever so I think that affected me. That happened 4 years ago. I recently got therapy for that, my therapist practiced an imagery exercise with me and it did work, I was smiling non-stop after the session and my libido increased like crazy for that week. But now it’s sort of dipping back again into my old libido. I don’t think I feel sex is chore-like anymore, but I just have a problem craving sex. And I find that this is a major problem in my relationship because I know how sex is really important in any relationship, yet I find myself being able to abstain from sex and be fine with it.
[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]veronicotine1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Okay, I understand. Thanks so much for your response, I really appreciate it.
[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yikezzz771 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Hey there. First of all, I'm so sorry you were sexually assaulted. It sounds like you're taking care of yourself, so good job! I was raped at 18 as a virgin, and started dating my now-fiance six months after the assault; even with therapy and the right person, it took me almost a year of dating to feel comfortable with penetrative sex.
Your mileage may vary, but... I trained myself to want PiV by using Pavlovian mind tricks, basically. From foreplay onward, I would run a mental loop of, "You're safe, he cares about you, he can protect you, he loves you" mixed in with a dose of focusing on how much he wanted me, and how good we looked together
I did a sport that required lots of strength/endurance training, and it made a huge difference in both my libido and self-image post assault, so I'll join other people here in HIGHLY recommending exercise-- especially if you can do any lifting/body weight work, high intensity interval training, or barre/dancing/yoga (the first two will naturally increase testosterone, the last three will make you feel sexier). My partner was doing the same sport as I was, but he was so tired out that he took a hit to his libido. That leveled us out to 3x a week, which was doable.
Based on that... if your partner wants it everyday, there's a good chance most women would be worn out (and possibly sore). Working out impacts different men in different ways, but your partner could benefit from blowing off steam through working out or a sport. Obviously, that doesn't mean you can make him pick up a new hobby. But it would probably help; right now, you're his major testosterone outlet, which is a lot to ask of you.
[–]veronicotine1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you so much, this has been incredibly helpful. I also hope you’re doing better now!
What does PiV mean? And I’ll be sure to look into the Pavlovian tricks you mentioned! I’ve never heard of this before and it sounds like it could really help.
Can I ask what type of sport you took part in? I used to take part in yoga, I think I’ll go for it again. What you mentioned does make sense, I think once I start getting active again, I’ll feel more motivated and less sluggish to do things which include having sex as well.