I’m M36. Left a bad marriage a year ago. We were married for 15 years. About 6 years ago I started working on taking accountability for my own actions and feelings. I worked out like crazy, ran, hiked, got friends and hobbies. Started a business and started making $200k plus a year. She cried and cussed me out when I quit my job to start that business. She fought me tooth and nail on everything. Non stop threats to divorce me and take everything from me including kids for our entire marriage. I believed her. I was scared as fuck. My daughters are everything to me. Last few years I gave up and said okay whatever leave if you want don’t care. For years before that I begged her to do counseling, I read every marriage book on the market. No such thing as one toxic person in a marriage. I was desperate to work through our problems, mine included. Nothing would convince her to stop the screaming and cussing etc. until the day I left. That day finally convinced her.

She immediately regretted when I finally moved out and got a lawyer. She has been apologizing non stop since. She gave me everything I asked her for, to the point to where the lawyer is like we can’t do that, the judge will throw it out if it’s not somewhat equally fair.

Okay fast forward to today. We been living apart for almost a year and seeing a therapist the whole time. I hated her for about 6 months of that time and flirted with a million girls, slept with one. Made out with couple others. I get a ton of attention from girls, never knew I was good looking until we split up and was horny as fuck. Girls give me attention everywhere I go. Really cute young girls.

But a couple months ago she finally started getting real about her past and how she got to become who she is. I started thinking maybe she really is changed. I felt it right to tell her I slept with another chick since therapist told me it was the right thing to do since she was opening up. At which point she hasn’t been able to fully recover from. We’ve both grown a ton. She will do anything for me. if I get back together with her. She cooks, cleans, sex any time I want it if I wanted it. She’s always been okay with cooking and cleaning since she was a stay at home mom but now she takes pride in it instead of bitching and complaining nonstop.

Okay so the problem is that I slept with a gorgeous girl and got feelings even though I knew she was toxic. I have different preferences now different things that turn me on. The other girls was extremely feminine and it’s insanely hot. She also was really confident. I let her go but now I’m not turned on by my ex. My ex isn’t that feminine in the ways she talks and she’s incredibly desperate which is hard to have any desire for someone who “needs” you

I want to want to get back with her. I miss traveling in our trailer with her and the kids. I miss having our crew together and leaning on each other.

But I’m also having trouble trusting her to keep her shit together emotionally. She’s a mess. Obviously some of it is naturally for what we’ve been through, but she’s always been this way. She has no friends. Doesn’t lean on her family very well. Can’t keep a job. She owns a photography business but it only brings in maybe $10k a year. I never want to be with someone who is emotionally or financially dependent on me.

Anyways that’s a ton but thought I’d see what some red pilled women think.