Question:

What do you do when your SO gets frustrated at something or someone (not you)? Is there a RPW way to deescalate your partner's anger? I don't want to placate him or handle him with kid gloves, but I don't want to seem like I'm avoiding him either. I've read the sidebar and The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands so far, and those resources have helped me immensely, but I don't recall reading anything specifically about how to calm down a grumpy spouse.

Hubs is having an awful night and I'm trying to stay out of his way as best I can, but his frustration occasionally gets thrown in my direction. Aside from being a nonjudgmental ear I don't really have the ability to help him, it's all work stress, but I don't want to add to his aggravation if I can help it.

FR:

I've been on my red pill journey since right before Thanksgiving, and it has been working wonders for our relationship. But this is the first time he has been this upset in a while. The old me would have asked a bunch of questions and suggested solutions that he didn't ask for. This would have made him even more agitated and eventually we would be stonewalling each other. But not any more! I have made great strides in stfu, respecting his decisions, and deferring to him when he doesn't directly ask for my input, and we are interacting wonderfully. We each have important roles to fill, I just needed to learn to stay out of his responsibilities and areas of expertise.

It kills me that this whole time fixing our relationship was this easy, and I didn't realize it. I feel horrible for wasting so much time. RP theories should be required reading for everyone hitting puberty.

This is what I feel marriage should be, and I fully own my part in derailing it for so long. I got so caught up in the sitcom portrayal of the marital relationship; incompetent husbands and nagging wives. I have never personally witnessed a marriage built on mutual trust and respect, so I screwed mine up by mirroring the wrong examples. I get that now. I've internalized the information provided here and I've apologized to him for being such a shrew. As a result hubs and I are starting fresh and building a better marriage. I want my daughter to know what happiness looks like when she gets old enough to have relationships of her own.

I would prefer not to undo our progress in one night by reacting poorly to his mood. Any suggestions or personal anecdotes would be greatly appreciated!

Edit:

I sent hubs to work this evening with 3 dozen cookies to boost morale, and a PB&J for a snack. Thanks to a snow storm that was upgraded to a blizzard he may not be home tomorrow (his command isn't going to let him or his sailors leave if the roads aren't clear) which explains some of his frustration. He thanked me for being understanding while he was upset, so I guess I managed the situation alright. I mostly STFU and offered to help him or take stuff off his plate wherever possible. Our communication is so much more effective and positive now, and I really do have all of you to thank for that.

Moments like these make me really appreciate everything hubs does for our family. He manages so much stress from work and life in general and rarely complains about it. I used to try to compete with him regarding who had the harder job. I thought just because I work and then come home and put on my house wife hat that I had more to do. But really he puts up with so much more than I could ever contend with. I think I'll put that in a note for him to find when he gets home tomorrow... or the next day. Life in the military sigh.