Im going to cross the DMZ from RPM over to the land of RPW to get insight. Needless to say my current relationship is in jeopardy, and as a man It is up to me to lead it back in the right direction if she is willing to stand by me. Synopsis: She and I have bounced in and out of eachother’s lives for the better part of 8 years. Both of us have had some fucked up experiences. My question is more pertained to her as a partner. She has said that her feelings have changed. She does guard her phone close. She does have friends (female+ one possible male) that she has not disclosed to me, and yesterday I overheard her on the phone say (I have an extra, for both points of entry) and began laughing. This is after I discovered she has ordered 2 gruntstyle shirts online. They could be for me as our 1 year is in a few days, however at this point anything is possible. Below I will attach the long text she sent yesterday. We seem to take 2 steps forward and 1 back now. Her demeanor says that she is not in it anymore, however I have been putting a ton of work of getting back to my alpha state of mind and behavior, and there has been small progress (from no verbal communication at home to her asking if ive eaten, if she would like me to cook for her, if im okay, whats going on at work, who im talking to on the phone, etc. from no intimacy to getting kisses and touching in). At the end of the day I broke my own rule and got attached.

I read your note. As this week has passed I have been exhausted/sick/busy but you’ve been there for me and bought me beautiful gifts and made me feel special. The week is over and I know I don’t get special treatment all the time, but I think I should. It’s not fair to me that I had to sacrifice the cute presents and cheesiness of a new relationship because you were too scared I was wanting you for money. I didn’t get to ask for a lot and I appreciate what you’ve done this past week. I hope it doesn’t end.

I don’t understand why you think I’m emotionally I invested (your words in response to me saying I’m going to be cautious). First of all, I can be whatever I want and feel however I want. I control myself. You control you. So do not tell me I can’t continue this relationship not cautious. I’ve dealt with your anger for a year now and honestly it has made me so unhappy and depressed. You’ve drained my happiness and positivity through your anger and hateful words whenever you’re mad yet you expect me to still be the girl who came out here for you. Yes I’ve changed, but it’s only to protect myself. I know men with anger take time to heal, and so I’m not going to get my hopes up. I’m not in charge of you, you’re in control. If this relationship is worth it to you, you’ll leave your ego at the door. You’ll leave hateful words and the assumptions. You’ll leave me alone if I ask you to. You don’t know when to leave me alone and even after I say something you walk away but you always come back!!

If you want to continue this relationship I except respect. I expect maturity. I expect you to respect my time and my body. It is not yours. You don’t get access to my body without my permission and if I say no it means no. I’m not dealing with you out of the blue trying to seduce me half assed and get mad when I’m not in the mood.

These are some of the changes I expect in this relationship. I have sacrificed my JOB, stability financially and at home, my mental health was better than ever. I have given my all to this relationship. I have sacrificed and put your needs/wants first. It’s my turn. If you can’t work with these things then we should not continue our relationship.

I will not feel crazy anymore. I don’t want to have to break down everything you do wrong and explain why it’s wrong. I don’t want you saying one thing and changing it the next and making me look nuts for believing the first thing you said. This is it. I’m not playing games, I am almost 25 years old and I just wasted a whole year in Texas not excelling in my career or school. If I have to give it up to get my peace of mind again I will. No man is worth feeling like I’m having justify my sanity.

Also don’t ever ask “why are you mad at the time” look in the mirror dude.

In my POV 75% of that is not matching up with reality, however there are valid points. I have made the changes needed to sustain a healthy relationship, however if she does not let me in this cannot continue, nor can it if she is entertaining elsewhere.