You cannot value someone else without first valuing yourself.

I feel like this is often lost in some RPW'ers. Of course, understanding the differences between men & women is essential, & knowing that men bring something completely different & wonderful to the table that we do not is key as well. By seeing our men as different than us, we allow ourselves to value their specific roles more deeply, because we see that - without them - we are limiting our own roles. As couples, it is in the combining of, in the unity, that we find a wholeness. This is why it's so important to date men that, while NOT necessarily Red Pill themselves, that they are men of greater caliber than the fuck boys of today.

That said, the only way we allow ourselves to seek men of greater caliber/value, is because we feel like we are bringing that to the table as well. So that's what I mean when I say that to find a HVM, we must ourselves think & act ourselves as HVW.

One of the greater disservices we make is staying in something that requires us to constantly question that value of ourselves. Thus, a mini-field report:

You can read my last post regarding me ending things with my bf because he had begun to put up walls, pull away & was not reciprocating care, love or safety. Two weeks later, he reached out, wanted to explain & I went into that conversation with compassion but, of course, not hopeful or seeking reconciliation. Given the situation & his shift, we've reconciled.

A key takeaway is that, it was because I refused behavior that was inconsistent that he realized the error in his thinking & behavior. Too often, I see women allowing themselves to be treated with disregard & even disrespect in order to not offend or bother their men. Being a traditional woman, a woman willing to submit to her partner, does not mean that we allow ourselves to be treated this way.

If you look at women that are beautiful matriarchs of their families, you see women that also lovingly challenge those around them. They are strong voices that we learn to trust & respect because they speak truth with humility & care. They don't hide, nor are they mats that are walked on.

It was disappointing to have to end things when I did but I knew that me pestering him to be more XYZ was going to build resentment & was NOT going to bring him closer, & likewise, I was going to have to keep reaching just to get the bare minimum. Knowing what your needs are, respecting his as well (maybe his need is to not be in a relationship that demands from him what he feels he can't provide), & saying, "this is not an ultimatum, this is not a mind game or manipulation. This is merely 2 people that are seemingly incompatible in a way that is non-negotiable. Let's lovingly & respectfully release this before we go deeper", is truly the best thing I've learned to do.

In this case, it inspired an idea in him that he felt by his own volition that he wanted to challenge himself on & step up into. It won't always, but that's how we set value for ourselves; not by demanding more of them, but by honoring more of ourselves & letting them meet us there if they want, letting them go if they won't/can't. (Note I'm talking about the non-negotiables here, not the things that come up that require compromise.)

There's so many factors to consider always, of course. I just wanted to share my thoughts on this. It's a fine line to dance, loving & respecting a man whilst also valuing our own needs, & knowing how to voice them.