Hi, all.

I’m (26F) the type of person that usually gives others the benefit of the doubt. I’m friendly, understanding, and can generally have a conversation with just about anyone. I’m back in the dating pool and have found this helpful - I can connect with all types of men, so I’ve met a few really great ones, even though they’re all different from each other.

However, where I run into issues is I usually end up giving too much or spending too much time on guys who I think might not be a fit, but I think maybe they are/could be? My friends have called me “too nice” and “too understanding.”

It’s almost like I feel the need to “give them a chance” even if things come up because I don’t want to miss out on someone who could be good fit, but it ends up being to my detriment since I already deep down know it probably won’t work. I think it’s partly because I read “Marry Him!: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” just before I became single, and now I’m worried about passing up a good man.

If something comes up and it feels like a guy isn’t a fit, I go around and around thinking about if it’s really as big a deal as I’m making it or if it’s actually worth ending things over it. But at the same time, I know I need certain things to be happy in a long-term relationship/marriage, which is ultimately what I want.

Is there a way to balance being a ‘people pleaser’ while vetting for good candidates, and also not being too picky?