Back-story (will try to make it short for you impatient @$$holes like myself): I had a relatively fucked-up childhood. It was mainly due to my terrible step-mother (completely analogous to Cinderella's). She wasn't physically abusive; just treated me way different than my other siblings (in a negative way).

My dad finally realized that I was growing-up depressed, & so one day, he offered for me to live with my mom (which I accepted). So at the age of 13, I left Missishitty to live with my mom in GA. From the ages of 13-18, I lived with my mom & step-dad.

While my life wasn't nearly as bad as it was with my step-mom back in Missishitty, living with my own mother was far from "normal". She had a fucked-up childhood as well (worse than mine), and whether it's from genetics, environmental factors, or both, she's pretty much crazy now. She has a terrible & diagnosed anxiety disorder. She thinks everyone (co-workers, family, friends) are always plotting against her. Most people would consider her "cold". Even though now, I know that deep-down, she's always loved me, but growing-up, she never expressed it (because due to her fucked-up childhood, & her really bad relationship with her own mother, I honestly don't think she knows how). I realize this now, but I didn't growing-up.

During my high-school years, I was an Xbox/WoW nerd; I didn't socialize with anyone hardly at all (literally zero with girls).

Flash-forward a bit, I'm now a freshman in college, and at the beginning of my first semester, this girl from back in my HS follows me on Twitter, and then DMs me saying she thought I was funny, and that she wanted to talk to me. So she gave me her phone number. I talk to her casually for a bit, but at the time, I knew nothing about "game"; so needless to say, I was a complete beta/nice-guy bitch.

Not that it matters now, but the girl was attractive, smart, shares the same religious/political views, has a decent sense of humor, etc., and so my affection-deprived ass starts developing feelings for her.

Well, after time (months), I finally muster up the courage to tell her those feelings, and she plays aloof, acts like she had no idea, and then tells me she doesn't see me that way. The rational being in me said its time to move-on, but the depressed affection-deprived part of me said I could sill maybe win her over if I was nice enough, impressed her enough, etc.

As I'm sure you guys already know, this clearly did not work. Over-time, while she would still talk to me, I could tell I was becoming less and less of an interest to her. I would write her novel-esque messages, only to get a two sentence response the next day.

After 7 months of this (I KNOW; I was, & in still in some cases, an idiot), I got absurdly depressed. My line-of-reasoning developed (devolved actually) into somethings along the lines of "I've tried so hard and given everything I've got for this one girl; yet that still isn't enough. I'm done trying. No girl will ever want me. There's seriously no point in living anymore."

So at this point, I had full-on convinced myself that once I had the money needed, I was going to get a personal tank of Carbon-Monoxide from some online chemical supply company shipped to me, & then build this simple apparatus that would allow me to hook a hose up to the tank, & connect the hose to a hospital/dust-mask, & then I'd turn a valve on and essentially fall asleep and never wake-up again.

So while I'm saving money to buy this carbon monoxide tank and apparatus, I gave zero fucks about anything. I was pretty much down to do anything before I died.

A good friend of mine says he found an Acid connect, and I had another friend from college who told me that I needed to try it (which I never did, because I had a bad Salvia trip when I was 15; I thought Acid was gonna be like that but much longer). I said fuck it; let's try it.

We get the tabs, go back to my home, take them, and about 2-3 hours later, everything changed. My mindset went from "you're never going to be able to find a girl that loves you" to "if that one bitch can't realize that you're infinitely smarter, funnier, more respectful, etc. (better) than practically everyone else, then she isn't worth your time to begin with. Not to mention, what kind-of person would keep you around just to play hot/cold with you, in order to validate herself? That's not the type of girl you should be going for anyways."

I also realized that this girl didn't find me attractive, because I was too attainable, nice, beta, unconfident, etc. I didn't blame her at all for not liking me; just got "acting" like she did when she needed someone to talk to, when in actuality, she never had any intent of being with me whatsoever.

Anyways, after my Acid trip, my ego/confidence went from absolute dog-shit, to thinking I have the potential to be one of the best human beings that has ever set foot on this planet."

In the long-term, it helped tremendously with my depression & it seemed to completely cured my "one-itis".

2.5 years later, and a plethora of different psychedelics tried at this point, one day, I'm at bored at home; so I decide to take this magic-mushroom analog. About 3-4 hours into the trip, and about 5-6 dabs of hash-oil later, for whatever reason, I start thinking about how I never really grew-up with excess validation from the opposite gender (due to lack of social-skills, a skinny-fat physique, etc.), & how my sense of security took me forever to obtain from within myself.

Then, I started thinking about how I would've turn-out differently, if I was on the exact opposite end of that spectrum (people who get excessive external validation from the other gender). So with that in mind, I theorized that I'd have a much bigger ego (be more narcissistic), but at the same time, due simply to developmental psychology, would more than likely be inherently insecure as well. Because I would've constantly received my sense of security/acceptance from other people throughout my life, I never would've had the need to find it from within. That's when I started thinking about people like this, and how attractive girls (ESPECIALLY nowadays with social-media, smart-phones, etc)., are constantly bombarded with excessive male validation. They can simply post a picture of them smiling on Instagram, & BAM, 357 likes.

So after realizing that most attractive women are unjustifiably narcissistic (due to their environmental factors; AKA, horny beta-men with no self-control) & thus most likely insecure as well, I also realized that because they've probably had to draw their sense of security from the opposite sex in order to validate themselves the entire post-pubescent lives, it's probably why they try to validate themselves as best as possible by getting the most "Alpha" guy (AKA, the guy who can pull the most girls) they can. However, as soon as these attractive women are given the opportunity to validate themselves better (which they will, because they're inherently insecure), they will live their current partner(s) in exchange for one(s) that's/re more "Alpha" in their eyes.

[TL;DR]: Acid cured my one-itis, essentially saved my life, and overall, changed me for the better. 'Shrooms made me aware of the correlation between attractive girls, undesirable character-traits, and the subsequent hypergamous mindset that ensues.

Anyone else have similar experiences with how psychs have contributed to your RedPill mindset &/or how they've lead to thoughts about bettering yourself as a person?