An important part of growing as a person is avoiding the victim mentality. Instead, you must take responsibility for your choices and therefore for their outcomes. Most things in your life are in your control, whether directly or indirectly. You can’t control the weather, but you can control what shoes you wear when it’s snowing outside. If you slip on a snowy day, that’s on you. If you don’t go talk to that girl you find attractive, that’s on you. If you skip a gym day, that’s on you. It can be easy to rationalize these choices away, but that is a path that can lead to more easy rationalizations. Instead, here’s three steps towards combating this.

Recognize when you abdicate agency

“Admitting is the first step” -Kanye West

The most important thing you can do is recognize when you are allowing yourself to slip into a victim mentality. Realize what you are doing and verbalize it to yourself.

“That girl didn’t seem interested in me” vs “I chose not to hit up that girl because I was afraid of rejection”

“I don’t have time to hit the gym today” vs “I choose to spend my time in other ways rather than going to the gym”

Realize what your priorities are

Now that you know when you are making these choices, it’s time to evaluate priorities. You only have 24 hours in a day, so some things will have to be foregone. Prioritize activities that promote your physical, mental, and fiscal health. If something doesn’t serve one of those purposes, then examine why you are doing it.

Enjoy yourself

Just because an activity isn’t profitable, doesn’t mean it has no place in your life. No one can fire on all cylinders all the time. However, engaging in worthless activities too often will prevent you from achieving your goals.

TL;DR Stop believing that you aren’t in control of your life. You make dozens of choices a day that impact your happiness. Take responsibility for them.