I have oneitis for a girl hard right now. I moved to a new city for her after getting out of the military and our relationship was rocky and volatile as soon as I got to town. She did things. I did things. She said things. I said things. The beginning of the end was when she provoked me into being physical with her, trying to kick me off the side of the bed because I didn’t want to have a conversation. This escalated to the point where she threw my phone across the room and slapped me across the chest. I took her keys and left them outside on her car forcing her out so I could lock her out of the apartment, not before she stole my computer so I threatened to call the cops on her. She eventually brought it back.

Getting out of our lease was a nightmare and we played around with the idea of making it work but it just devolved into more arguments.

Although we’ve been split for nearly two months, I recently sent her some angry text messages calling her out on everything I could imagine. Followed by bouts of crying on my floor, leaving her flowers with an apology and all sorts of other beta shit.

I have hobbies (Muay Thai and reading, want to pick up soccer again) and I’m already in great shape but I don’t have a social circle out here at all and I have a difficult time maintaining relationships. I tend introverted so I have a difficult time just going out to bars and chatting up random people, it usually exhausts me.

Life has seemed pretty meaningless to me because of the whole situation and my reaction to it but I think I’m starting to turn a corner. I’ve went out of my way to not be in a rush at the gym, or grocery store, or out shopping or whatever and just stick around to see what people have to offer. I noticed that I may be pretty beat up and awkward right now, but everyone is pretty damn awkward. They’re probably feeding off of my insecurities a little bit and it becomes a feedback loop but most exchanges I’ve had have been positive. Still yet to try and get a number though. Until this morning.

There’s a girl that works the front counter at my gym and I’d like some feedback on where I went wrong because it ultimately led to me not getting a number. Keep in mind I’m a beginner so, my insight into the situation is probably off a bit.

A couple weeks ago I asked a personal trainer I had been talking to in the gym (we share a military background), if the new girl at the front desk had a bf and if he would try and find out for me. This has to be a beta approach to the situation. This led the the GM and I found out today, everyone that works there basically, looking me up on FB. I wanted to get a new gym but I certainly didn’t think approaching her would go over well now after my middle school tactic. But today I said, fuck it, and just went up and talked to her.

I asked if her name was S_____ because the personal trainer told me her name. She said that it was. I said that she probably knew that I was asking about her and that I knew it led the GM to looking me up on FB. She was smiling and sort of moving back and forth behind the counter, seemed a bit nervous, which I thought was good. She said that yes, they tend to gossip quite a bit and that she had looked me up on FB to see who I was. I said that I was trying to find out if she had a boyfriend (beta). Then she said that it was complicated but just to be safe, let’s say that she does. (This has to be a shit test) I pretty much caved after that and told her that if she changed her mind, to give me a wink or something when I come in. I said that I don’t want it to be awkward after this and I turned to head out. She said she’s not very awkward so it won’t be and then she asked me what time I normally work out. We kind of continued the conversation a little bit from there but nothing of value came up. I was eager to leave.

In the end, maybe there’s an opportunity to pursue again because there was some positive interaction but I can’t quite gauge it. Should I be cold and distant to her for turning me down or should I tell her my offer still stands? (I wasn’t specific about what I wanted)

Still feels good to put myself out there and even though you could consider it rejection, I’m happy with another step in the right direction. The direction away from pacing my apartment, getting shitty sleep, and crying on my bedroom floor.