Im terrible at writing so this may seem all over the place

My father is typical "nice guy". He's a doormat to everyone and actually knows it but does nothing about it. Complains about everything with no intention of fixing whatever he's complaining about. Very passive aggressive when things dont go his way but is too weak/lazy to go actively get his way. Everything about him are things I despise in other men.

Ive been introspecting over the past few days and came to a few conclusions and I dont really know where to go from here. I have no respect for my father and I feel really guilty and sad about it. Growing up my father applied "cruise control" parenting which basically means he taught me pretty much nothing and let me do whatever I wanted which delayed my adulthood I find. He was never the strong masculine figure I needed as a kid and Im extremely resentful about it. As a kid I gravitated to anything masculine because I wasn't getting it at home but what I had access to was basically toxic masculinity(cousins were natural alphas but with no direction in life so drugs,bar fights, jail etc..) which I feel is a source of a lot of my bad habits.

Ever since I finished high school I was basically doing nothing with my life. I had no direction, I would just drink my brains out and do a bunch of drugs with losers. Ever since finding this sub about 8 or so months ago my life has direction, Im currently in Trade school, I go to the gym 5 times a week which has made be very fit compared to the average man (5'9 200pounds 12ish body fat) doing pretty decent with women was averaging sleeping with 1-2 different girls every week when i was actively chasing pussy (Currently in sorta monk mode to use what little money I have more productively than on going out) Ive been eliminating most beta behaviors that negatively affect my life. Im extremely happy with the progress Ive made. But i just cant stop feeling angry and resentful that I had to learn all that stuff from you guys instead of my father. When I look at my father all I see is weakness and it disgusts me to the point that just being around him irritates me.

An easy solution would be to move out but due to me being a general fuck up from the ages of 17-20 and spending the money I had on drugs and alcohol Im stuck living with my father until I finish school(1 year from now). So basically what im asking is how to get over this bitterness that I have towards him. I feel guilty that I cant find it in me to have any sort of respect of him even though he lets me eat his food and sleep under his roof and in general does a lot for me.