First post. Found my way here through r/nofap. My experience fits in to this theory in an interesting way.

The power differential between genders has always been obvious to me. Women call the shots. They sit back and wait for men to beg to serve them. The fact that they make such a fuss about being disadvantaged was the source of great confusion to me as a child.

I internalized this to the point that I accepted my role as a slave and learned to like it. Sexual arousal has always been based on this for me. Long before I had any understanding of sex, I was going around with massive hard ons caused by feeling inferior to women. As a teenager, I experienced ED with several different girls. I finally found one kinky enough to play along, and figured out how to get laid. I lied about being a virgin, and felt bad about it, but looking back, it was the right thing to say. Basically, I need some amount of roleplaying that I'm being dominated by the woman sexually, and if I run enough fantasy scenarios of really being dominated by women, I can follow through with the deed.

Looking back, I see my imprints and behaviors as a particular beta strategy. I've had a seriously good run, but, approaching 40, it doesn't work anymore, for two obvious reasons:

1: As a skinny young "hot" guy, it was easy to play up the vulnerable, inexperienced boy angle. Bad girls and cougars would go out of their way to take advantage. Now, an attractive, tall, fit and intelligent man of my age comes across as either alpha, or a chump. I've been chumped by girls enough to know that it's not my deal. The bdsm stuff is good times in the bedroom, but I will not be treated in a condescending manner in public.

2: Experience. I can no longer put women on a pedestal. They don't really belong there, and their actions demonstrate this time and time again. I seriously have no interest in pining away and puppy dogging after the ignorant, capricious and vain creature modern woman has proven to be.

I'm doing the nofap 90 day challenge as an experiment. I want to see how much of my early and lifelong programming can be changed. I think I will always tend toward my kinks, but there are two sides to every coin. I'm curious if I'll find interest in taking on the dominant role with the ladies, and if there's a way to do this that's all about me, and not just playing the expected role.

Any advice or experience with similar situations?