Constantly trying to prove my value and worth

Dat_Chad · 2016-06-21T15:25:09+00:00

What has helped me was the tried and true RP advice on listening more and talking less. You are not supposed to parry her every sentence like it's a video game, you are supposed to gain info on her and raise your value through means that are not obvious.

The game is not one of one-upmanship, better to inflate your price through displaying preselection, leadership, qualifying HER (not you), amused mastery and being unaffected. So next time she humble-brags about her job, validate her through feigned approval and steer the topic onto your qualities.

This is hard at first, until you realise you're supposed to display higher value covertly. It is, of course, better to show than to just tell.

ClimbingTehLadder · 2016-06-21T20:28:33+00:00

You're incorrectly diagnosing the problem. This isn't validation seeking, it's narcissism. Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about the person you're talking to.

TThe most help you can possibly get from one source will be by reading "how to win friends and influence people."

I know because I had exactly the same problem and have been resolving it over the past year. Best way to get a jump start is do not talk about yourself at all unless someone is asking you to.

Rommel0502 · 2016-06-21T22:10:54+00:00

Remember - in this life the ONLY person you have to prove shit to is yourself. Be your own worst (and only) critic. Set your goals high, and be disappointed in yourself if you dont reach them.

Our backgrounds are very similar - I was relatively poor as a child and also worked for an investment bank later in life. One of the keys in moving from beta to alpha was only measuring myself by my own very stringent metrics.

thekidbass · 2016-06-21T15:20:14+00:00

You are at stage 2: conscious incompetence

It's a skill. The only way to go to the next level is through action. Right now, your automatic response is your behavior as you describe it. Sit your ass down and think in those scenarios what better alternative responses you could have. Then try in every interaction to do it. Gradually it will be who you are(stage 4).

edit: also...

I tried ASKTRP but received only upvotes and no responses.

...dude you posted the question on askTRP an hour ago.

skittles_man · 2016-06-21T19:13:15+00:00

So you have the job and looks of Patrick Bateman, now it's time to adopt the attitude, minus the whole serial killing thing. But seriously, it sounds like you're placing your mental model on the validation that others give you. You need to base your mental model off of your own internal validation. This happens when you work on things that have great meaning to you. I used to have the same issue as you. I would constantly seek validation from external sources. However, by doing this, I was setting myself up for failure through outcome dependence.

Once you work towards your mission or life's mastery, everything will fall into place. While I know that sounds cliché as fuck, but I am speaking from my first hand experience. Once I started focusing on what I loved and started building true confidence, everything fell into place and I stopped seeking validation.

What are some things that you are into, aside from murders and executions?

enfier · 2016-06-23T03:50:02+00:00

Try showing genuine interest. Ask the other person a question about it.

Di-onysos · 2016-06-21T16:10:46+00:00

You should reformat your post to follow the post format guidelines.

Apart from that, "I need to stop but I fucking can't."

Sounds like an excuse. Yes you fucking can. You sound like a bitch who complains "I can't stop eating!"

NYCMusicalMarathon · 2016-06-22T13:40:33+00:00

From the musical Hamilton

"Talk less. Smile more."

Up your confidence by NOT bragging.
People who run their mouths lack confidence.

Sounds like you have made great strides so far.

Carry on and Enjoy your life.

red_gerb · 2016-06-22T22:16:25+00:00

My mother grew up fatherless, and dirt poor. Same condition. The only thing that gave her value, was her children. Love was the key.

Given that you're a man, and women can't truly love man, you're screwed. well, perhaps a higher being could relay some love, (I know, spirituality - calm down atheists). It's an internal issue, the best thing you have going for you now is you are aware of it. Best of luck.

enfier · 2016-06-23T03:50:09+00:00

Try showing genuine interest. Ask the other person a question about it.

[deleted] · 2016-06-22T00:41:38+00:00

Watch shows like Mad Men and Suits and really study how the main characters act.

They don't beg.

They don't "ask"

They don't seek out shit unless they are in dire straits.

Learn outcome independence. Which means to not hang on what you "think" they will expect from you, or what you THINK is the best way to portray yourself.

One thing that keeps me centered with this is that we are all drops in a bucket.

Man, nobody is all that important that you "need" to be the best all the time. You can't be the best all the time and when you understand, truly understand what that means - you will stop thinking/acting/speaking like you must impress others.

Learn self-referencing as well.

dank-memer · 2016-06-22T00:57:41+00:00

If you post here you have no value or worth. Please, help your sick mind

Title	Constantly trying to prove my value and worth
Author	thekidbass
Upvotes	12
Comments	18
Date	June 21, 2016 3:07 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4p525e/constantly_trying_to_prove_my_value_and_worth/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/constantly-trying-to-prove-my-value-and-worth.60123 https://theredarchive.com/post/60123

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