Creating context

Introduction

Frame is defined as the mindset and context in which you interact with another person. Having strong frame or holding frame means keeping your mindset regardless of outside attempts of breaking your frame. In addition, it describes the ability by which you let others join you in your interpretation of reality/context. Whenever someone is in your frame, they are perceiving reality the way you describe it - they subscribe to your context.

How each of us experiences the world is unique in a way that only we can perceive and understand our own perspective. How we perceive and remember things is inherently subjective. No two people see the very same situation alike, nor do they describe it in the same way a day after.

Experiences do differ for each person as a result of us having been brought up in a unique environment. The way our parents and peers treated us, the way we treated them and how we memorized these interactions, everything is ingrained into our subconscious. In turn, our subconscious slightly distorts our perception of reality with every additional interaction.

When we see a chair, we don’t objectively detect a construction made out of wood and afterwards infer that it is called a chair. We detect the chair directly. Years of experience have taught us what a chair looks like, so we intuitively know what features an object in the category of chairs has. The knowledge of these features dictates how and whether or not we see a chair. Some people might only see a stump of a tree, others, due to the fact that they were brought up in a different environment, might also categorize it as a chair.

In other words, our senses are not passive, objective sensors, the sensory systems of our brains actively and subconsciously distort perception to make sense of sensory input.

With day-to-day situations and perceiving people, basic instincts as well as learned experiences dictate how we perceive the world. Different people have had different experiences with other people throughout their lives. No two people have experienced the same interactions. Subsequently, each one of us has a unique set of learned experiences that, together with the common set of instincts, determine how we see and interpret the next interaction, which in turn adds to and thus changes what we learn from these experiences.

Through the interpretation of reality we are able to create context. As a result of differences in interpretation, the context of an interaction or a situation is different for each one of us.

Main part

The way in which we go out there and use our own interpretation of reality (=context), or the way in which we don’t use it at all, is how we are influenced in or influence social situations. This is the equivalent of frame control.

Having no frame/weak frame control means waiting for an external person or event to create context and automatically subscribing to that external context.

Having strong frame/strong frame control means creating context and letting other people join you in your version of context, i.e. your interpretation of reality.

A girl walks by. Someone with weak frame waits for the right context to just happen, so he can, through the magical and mystical mechanisms of the universe, effortlessly skip the awkward approach and immediately connect to her. In Disney movies, this typically happens when said girl walks by and just so drops her books, so the guy can come help her pick up the scattered books from the ground, they lock eyes and are instantly connected thanks to destiny’s unicorn powers. (An even more improbable situation in which the girl approaches the guy will not be discussed here.) Weak people wait for context to be created, and thus are framed by external events and other people. They are passive framers: they don’t want to share their context and happily accept any external context.

A girl walks by. Someone with strong frame creates the right context by acting out. He simply approaches her and talks to her as if it was the most normal and only logical thing to do in that situation, which it literally is. By acting out he created context and more importantly lets her decide if she wants to join his context or not. Strong people create context, and thus frame other people. They are active framers: they are happy to share their context, refuse any other context and let other people decide if they want to join them in their interpretation of reality (context). Whether or not she adopts your context (is framed by you) is outside of your realm of control and not a matter of emotional investment. If she declines, move on and approach another girl.

When something bad like an accident happens, most people freeze and wait for someone else to do something (bystander effect). They wait for the right person to appear and to act, so that he can create context and give commands, not realizing that they themselves are the right person in that situation. People with weak frame are afraid of being judged by others and refrain from doing anything out of fear of making mistakes, especially in stressful situations. They freeze and don’t want to share their context. A guy with strong frame acts and by acting he lets the bystanders enter his reality (e.g. “Call 911!”) as if it was the most normal and only logical thing to do in that situation, which it literally is.

An active framer creates context. A passive framer is being framed by the context created by active framers. This whole concept comes down to the definition of Alpha and Beta:

Being Beta = acting out on the mindset of other people. Doing things with other people’s expectations and judgements in mind. Being Alpha = acting out on your own mindset. Doing whatever you think is the right thing to do.

Speaking of active and passive framers, whenever a passive framer enters a room full of people, he might feel uncomfortable about being judged, feeling their looks on his skin, observing everyone in his surroundings constantly. He shuts down any display of his interpretation of reality, out of fear to be judged. He compares himself to everyone in the room. He is afraid of making mistakes and by this makes the biggest mistake of them all. He passively waits for someone else to make the first step, to crack a joke, make a comment about the weather or do something else to interrupt the awkwardness.

Likewise, the passive framer, out of fear that his unique perspective, preferences and thus his context is somehow flawed, autistically subscribes to external contexts. He listens only to what his peers listen to, likes only the latest movies celebrated by critics and the public, dresses up in a boring way and casually like everybody else, buys the latest iPhones, Juul, AirPods or Herschel backpacks, posts on Facebook, uses Snapchat and Instagram, subscribes to mainstream opinions regarding politics or religion just because this what is expected of someone in this day and age.

The active framer by contrast enters a room full of people and lets his interpretation of reality flow outward. He doesn’t feel the need to compare himself to other people, he doesn’t feel the looks of whoever looks at him (well, maybe if it is in his own interest to compare himself to others or if it is relevant to know who looks at him). He doesn’t really feel the awkwardness of the room, since this would mean he passiely subscribes to the context of other people. What does he do? It doesn’t matter really. He does whatever he thinks is adequate for the situation. He might just sit down and enjoy the silence, start to take action or not, he might crack a joke or not, he might make a comment on a piece of clothing of his neighbour or not or start talking to that girl as if it was the most normal and only logical thing to do in that situation, which it literally is.

In doing so, he broadcasts a strong frame that says “I don’t give a fuck about what you think of me, this is how I think things are done.” Everyone willing to follow him and subscribe to his context is free to do so, or not, but who gives a shit. In a room full of passive framers, nobody's going to do anything - until the right event occurs or an active framer interrupts the silence. An active framer listens to music he likes and doesn’t give a shit whether or not that music is in the top 100 or not, he likes movies not only because they are praised by the critics, he wears whatever piece of clothing he decides is adequate for a given situation, buys items and gadgets that are useful and not only because everyone else buys them, he uses social media and apps only when he derives meaning and use from them, he shares his view on politics and religion whenever he thinks the situation is right for it to be shared, and otherwise just nods in agreement (Law 38).

TL;DR:

• The extent to which you act out on your own interpretation of reality (context) defines the strength of your frame.
• Active framer = acting out on your own context while not subscribing to outside contexts = strong frame.
• Passive framer = not acting out on your own context but instead subscribing to outside contexts = weak frame.
• Lift.

Edit: proof reading.