Custody Thoughts

alt30313 · 2013-10-24T20:38:45+00:00

Men's rights has 81,035 subscribers I'd go there and weed out the bad responses. I'd also consider askmen with a serious tag. They have 86,701 subscribers and take anything they say with a grain of salt.

Archwinger · 2013-10-24T22:03:54+00:00

It seems like a real pain in the butt to have to find an egg donor (because if a surrogate has her own biological child, she has rights to it), a surrogate, an IVF clinic, and pay for all of this -- all so you can be a single parent and have to come to work late and leave early to get your kid to and from day care and to various activities, miss work every time your kid is sick, and generally put your life on hold -- assuming you don't get fired and end up in the government's care.

Are you seriously wealthy, such that paying for a surrogate and putting her through potentially multiple rounds of IFV (fertilized eggs don't always take -- in fact, your odds are less than 1 in 3 with each round) is no bother? Are you independently wealthy and don't have to work, so you can make your own hours and actually care for a kid without having a woman around to help out? You're comfortable with what it costs to feed, clothe, and raise a child?

[deleted] · 2013-10-25T01:32:24+00:00

I've read that if you want to do egg donation/IVF/surrogacy, you want to do it in India due to different laws, costs etc. Aside from the already mentioned Mensrights and Askmen, go off reddit, I think I've seen MGTOWs talking about this.

trudatness · 2013-10-25T04:35:33+00:00

Well the old fashioned way is to patiently wait until you find a woman that is not a selfish nit-wit looking to game you for child support.

I've heard guys on TRP who say they have 50-50 custody arrangements and they have worked them out successfully. I've seen some guys on here talk about how much they like the situation, even.

I wouldn't have a clue, because I got totally fucked over. Maybe find some of those dudes and ask them how they went about it - to get to their present situation. Get some ideas.

I know a buddy of mine had this GF for about 6-7 years in total, during of which they had a kid and an eventual falling out. The breakup wasn't fun, but he got through it. Although they lived together for a time, he never had a joint bank account, joint credit cards or jointly owned property with her. She had her shit, he had his. When they broke up, he was renting his house out. He moved in with his parents until his tenants lease was up and (a couple of months) and then moved back into the 10 acre horse farm he owned. He kept his truck and his corvette and all the other toys he had accumulated. Ended up going to court on a custody settlement - which ended in a 60-40 split her to him. He pays a couple of hundred a month to her, but nothing crazy. All the money he pays basically goes to his daughter. It could be a ton worse for him. His ex happens not to be a looney toon and she actually cares about her kid having a father in her life.

The point I'm trying to make is when you have jointly owned assets with a woman and then it gets time to go your separate ways, there's a dozen ways a woman can manipulate the system into taking everything from you. Generally, more times than not, they fail to resist the temptation. An equitable distribution of assets is not the plan.

If you keep your major assets separate and don't get married, or establish premarital assets you won't get wiped out. In most custody cases, custody itself is influenced to a degree by who can best provide a stable home for the children to live in. If you are married and live in a house that both you and your wife own - and she decides she don't want you there anymore and she wants it all - like I said - you're fucked. She can drum up a complaint and turn it into a restraining order and immediately gain possession of the marital home and custody of the kids. No due process. You have no rights. Done deal. You're homeless and strapped with a giant support bill considering those household bills still need to be paid. She wins you lose.

If you own your own home and never sign her on the deed, when she tries to pull that shit, she doesn't just get to live in your house indefinitely, she has to GTFO eventually. She might try to get the house or force you to sell, but that's a long shot.

I look at how my situation turned out and how my friend's situation turned out and it all seems obvious to me. When you remove the financial carrot form the custody negotiation - as my friend situation reflects - you have far and away less shenanigans during the settlement process and the co-parenting relationship going forward.

When one parent angles to screw the other over and turn a custody negotiation into a land grab and a big check every month - it gets ugly. It's very difficult to accept something that is so blatantly unscrupulous and harmful with grace. The expectation is that as the man, you are somehow supposed to accept your new existence living in an efficiency apartment, estranged from your children. Somehow if you fight that, you are a cad and a deadbeat dad. It's a fucking mind-blowing freak show to live through that, let me tell you.

Anyway you slice it, 99% of the time you're going to pay. If you are smart about it you can mitigate the damage and still enjoy fatherhood.

As they say on reddit, you knock up the wrong woman, you're going to have a bad time.

If you think you have found a trustworthy woman with good character and similar values to your own, you can roll the dice with marriage. Be forewarned, however, you better be 110% sure. Because you are risking a profound amount my friend. They can literally take everything from you on a whim if they choose. That's not an exaggeration.

Title	Custody Thoughts
Author	jacobman
Upvotes	2
Comments	8
Date	October 24, 2013 8:16 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1p59di/custody_thoughts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/custody-thoughts.7430 https://theredarchive.com/post/7430

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