Introduction

This is the second installation in a series of posts focused on how you can "de-program" yourself, essentially tricking yourself into new cognitive and behavioral patterns. The end of this post will also contain a Q & A, as numerous members have posted some very good questions in response to part I.

If you have not read part I, then I suggest doing so in order to make better sense of this material. I will post Part III some time tomorrow.

As earlier stated, the focus of Part II is about the first step in the two-step de-programming operation. This step is to disassociate current cognitive and behavioral patterns from past experiences.

What does that mean?

Think of your personality as a combination of three different things: cognition (thinking), language (speech and behavior), and experiences. There is a dynamic relationship between the first two things and the third, where experiences tend to play a fundamental role in how a person's cognitive and behavioral patterns form. A great example of how this relationship works is with how a parent disciplines his child. If a child does something bad, say, cracks eggs all over the new sofa, the parent might put the child in time-out and explain why it's wrong to crack eggs over the sofa. Over time, the child will integrate the experiences of being disciplined, and told about right and wrong, into his own personality (thoughts and actions, i.e.).

To disassociate from past experiences means to remove the effect that those experiences have on your personality. Essentially, the purpose of the first step is to separate yourself from your past, to create a "blank canvas qua personality" so to speak.

How do I do this?

If you want to be successful at this, then you need to actually make a commitment to achieving personal change.

Change is the magic word here, and every decision that you make should be in order to advance yourself towards that goal. If you are unwilling to do something, then it will not get done, plain and simple. So first pledge to yourself that you are willing to commit to positive personal change. Promise to yourself that you will become the best person you can.

A large part of the first step is about letting go of bottled-up feelings from the past. Believe it or not, feelings and emotions do have an effect on your thinking, and if feelings are left unprocessed then they will reflect through your cognition and language. Do not be afraid to face these feelings, because they are just feelings they will not last forever, and they will not harm you.

The first exercise:

Find a quiet, relaxing setting where you can self-reflect without distraction and disturbance. No phone, no music, no food, drugs, television, books, anything. Only bring your mind and your experiences with you for this exercise.

Focus on a certain trait of your personality that you would like to change. Do you procrastinate? Are you quick to anger? Do you lie? Whatever it may be, focus in on it by itself. Don't overwhelm yourself by thinking of everything you dislike about yourself, just take it nice and slow with one thing at a time. Control your breathing in a steady, rhythmic pace, several seconds inhaling, several seconds exhaling.

Next, you need to identify why this personality trait became a part of you. Focus on remembering the first time you had an experience with that trait, and focus on how it makes you feel to realize it's a part of you. For example, if you're addicted to something, focus on how you feel about being an addict, and allow yourself to fully experience this feeling through self-reflection. Think about the reasons for why you're addicted, what personal experiences led you to becoming an addict?

YMMV, but sometimes it can be helpful to write down your thought process while going through this, or if you like to talk yourself through things, perhaps recording the audio/video for future reference. Just be sure to keep it somewhere safe if you don't want others to know about it.

After identifying the root-cause of your personality trait, you must internalize the fact that your experiences do not necessarily dictate how you think and behave. This is the hard part, and there is no magical "hack" that will fix you overnight. You need to understand that the thoughts and actions revolving around your negative traits are things that you can consciously control. The best way for maintaining control over your thinking and behavior is by allowing your emotions to properly run their course, controlling your breathing, and being aware of your senses.

Do note: This takes a serious time investment. While it is certainly possible for someone to re-wire their patterns overnight, the vast majority of people must spend several weeks (~60 days, in my own experience) steadily working to see actual positive change. That is two months straight of daily self-reflection, and actively controlling one's own cognition and language.

To recap on how to separate experiences from thoughts and behavior:

1. Identify a negative thought or behavioral pattern through uninterrupted self-reflection.

2. Remember the origin of this pattern, the initial experience from where it spawned.

3. Come to terms with the feelings associated with the negative pattern.

4. Let go of the feelings and assume control over your thinking and behavior.

Conclusion

Part II is about taking the first step towards "de-programming" which is disassociating current cognitive and behavioral patterns from past experiences. The goal is for the individual to, through this step, to distinguish their personality from their personal history--and to empower themselves through self-awareness to assume command over their own thoughts and actions. It is not an easy task, but can be accomplished with disciplined self-reflection and reasoning.

This is all the time I have for today, so I'm going to go ahead and post one of the questions that I was asked:

how did you know about Jimmy ? Were you that Jimmy at some point, do you know some Jimmys in your social circle or did you simply imagine Jimmy as probably existing in real life ?

I know about Jimmy in two different ways. There is the archetypal Jimmy, who only exists in our minds as a category of a non-specific person; and then there is the realistic Jimmy, who exists as a personality type within many individuals, the prototypical "burn out" if you will. I fortunately was never in Jimmy's position per se, but I certainly do have my own fair share of negative personality traits to overcome.

If anything is unclear here, do not hesitate to ask questions! I sadly do not have the time right now to go back and edit this post, so I'll have to do it tomorrow before I post Part III, where I will discuss the second step: Forming new positive patterns that replace the old ones.

/u/bruh_my_jays