Hey.

I wish I could tell you that I used TRP to go from a virgin to a high-SMV, jacked, high-status slayer. I wish I could tell you I had turned my life around. I wish I could tell you I was happy. Unfortunately, as you can see by the title, that’s not the case. 2 years on this sub and I still haven’t gotten anywhere.

For much of my life, I liked to think that if I worked hard enough, anything was possible & I could achieve beyond my wildest dreams. I liked to think I was just not trying hard enough. I guess I still visit this sub daily because deep down, a part of me still believes it’s possible to do this. I guess in that sense, I have a delusional self-belief. But the truth of the matter is, as a 21-year-old sperg mixed-race (white & Indian) virgin with overzealous, overprotective, heavily anxious, BP parents, a school system that tried to discourage me & break my spirit any time I tried to break free of the low SMV I was supposed to have, peers who just ignore me like I don’t even exist, living in arguably the toughest, most feminist city in the world to date (Toronto), I was doomed from the start. Sexually, financially, physically, & emotionally.

It’s like I’m cursed. Every time I’ve tried to break free of my low SMV, I inevitably make a mistake, the world piles on me for it until I break down, surrender, & show them that I accept defeat. Or I get sick/injured/something comes up that I can’t control & I get off track & lose frame in the face of it. My family shoves the Blue Pill down my throat every day in multiple doses. And with #metoo and hypergamy being the way it is in my city (i.e. the culture I was born into), and Backpages just having been banned, well, my culture is inhospitable to people like me. And it’s not like I can escape, because the whole world is becoming this way.

I feel like if I had just accepted my fate as a child & stuck to hanging out in social circles with other Aspies & outcasts (who were the only ones my parents would’ve let me hang out with), instead of trying to build myself up to fit in with high-SMV social circles that never gave a shit about me anyways, I would’ve been much happier. But deep down, I never accept a fate like that & I want to be high-SMV, even though logically, I know that’s never going to be the case.

I’m never going to get laid. I’m never going to be rich or even middle-class. I am one of the “lost ones.” I am one of the unlucky ones. It’s just what was meant to be for me. It’s over for me. All these PUA books, self-improvement, quitting bad habits... a waste of fucking time. I should have just accepted, acknowledged, & worked with the truth. There was no escaping the Blue Pill, no escaping the bottom, for me.

It’s over. This is my Declaration of Defeat. If this is a place where you see & find the truth, well, I’ve found mine. Try to convince me otherwise.