Summary: Article describing the creation of a "shadow self" as a metaphor for understanding approval-seeking behaviour.

Body: Archived (for obvious reasons) link to Huffpost Article:

https://archive.is/gzHfX

The world informs us quickly of which conduct it prizes and which behavior it deems abhorrent. In our relentless search for connection and acceptance, primitive instincts and unpopular practices that would interrupt our 'admittance into the social club' are suppressed. Hence, what could be thought of as a 'shadow self' is created.

What does that sound like? How many of us now realize that for years they were living as a BP Beta that was just a shadow of their true self?

It should be understood that many aspects of the shadow are indeed negative and destructive; the mind is capable of an limitless array of selfishness, dishonesty, plotting maliciousness, rage and arrogance, to name a few less than stellar traits.

Sure, some of these urges will be truly negative. It's good to understand and acknowledge those. But here's where I think we can differ with the author. Just because society has told you to repress these urges that does not make them a priori negative. Today's toxic third-wave feminist-driven society forces not only negative tendencies but normal masculine tendencies. No wonder people are confused as fuck.

Lessons Learned: Wanting to please others is a natural byproduct of the human condition and the world we grow up in. Everyone faces this to some extent. I would conjecture that this is the primary factor behind "nice guy syndrome". TRP lessons once again find consistency with Buddhist principles but as always the TRP way of embracing the dark side and acting for yourself yield the shortest path to happiness:

  • become aware of this "shadow self" or your innate approval-seeking tendencies
  • do not seek approval from others
  • be authentic
  • tap into your suppressed urges (in our case masculine urges) to benefit yourself