My girlfriend was visiting and we wanted to go out. Being under 21 in the US, there isn't much for us to do besides house parties and going out to a dinner or show. There weren't any parties going on, but we both wanted a really lively night. We both recently got something that allows us to bypass the drinking age and went out to a bar in the city.

We pick up a friend and meet some others there. My girlfriend, my friend, and I arrive, order a beer, and sit down. I walk up to the bouncer first and hand him my ID, I lead the way and part the crowd, and I open a tab without knowing how the hell any of this works. Be a bold bastard and things will go your way.

While we wait for my other friends to meet us there my friend is telling my girlfriend a funny drunk story of his. I chime in from time to time because I feel a little jealous that she's giving him all this attention; full-on eye contact, staring right past me and acting as if I don't exist. I grabbed my gf and went in for a kiss and she kinda shyed away and said "I like kissing you but not in public!" so I laughed, squeezed her, and left it at that. Instead of competing for her attention, I should've sat back and enjoyed the story myself. He's the jest, I'm the King and she's the Queen. I realized my faults, adjusted sails and went with this, so perhaps I saved my skin. It's really crowded and everyone's in their mid to late 20's - not our crowd. Plus there's not much room for dancing or partying, more just standing like stalks in a cornfield and buying expensive drinks.Make sure you vet the venue beforehand, this is something I didn't do, but, as you will soon tell, I got lucky. Planning (seeing the venue in person beforehand) is necessary, atmosphere will make or break your night.

My friends are almost here and I leave my gf and my friend alone. This was a good move because it demonstrates that I don't try to claim a monopoly on her attention (as I did earlier for a bit). Turns out two of my friends don't have IDs and can't get in. I told my friends outside we'll go to another bar. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

One of the friends with an ID comes in and tells my gf and friend what happened and that I said we'll go somewhere else (leading, venue change). At this point I'm paying my tab and it takes me a while to get the bartender's attention. In the meantime they're all getting ready to go (they're out of sight behind the crowd). This black girl (mid 20s, actually pretty cute) grabs my shoulder and tells me the name of the bartender so I can get her attention. I was grateful initiated contact, and I struck up a conversation with her. As I was chatting and paying my tab I knew I was building up ammo for when the rest of my crew walks my way to leave -- social proof. "Hey, __! Come here I want you to meet Joy!" It's always important strike up conversation with anyone, especially when you're out, to build up your social capital (even if it's only temporary). Spend that capital at the right time and spend it in the right amount.

We walk out and I call a Lyft to go to another bar where my brother, my sister, and two of my sister's friends are. Again, I'm leading, making plans, leaving the "children" to chat while I herd them onwards. I accidentally request it to the wrong location (I probably have the beer to thank for this) and was on the phone with some guy named Muhammad who barely spoke English for a good 10 minutes before he hung up on me and canceled. One of the friends I was with (a girl) noticed my mistake, laughed and said, "shh, let's not tell anyone" and smiled at me. Always find someone else's screw up, discretely point it out, and promise not to tell. It's flirty, cute, supportive, and you feel like you have a secret pact with that person, a special rapport, no one else knows about. Perhaps my glances and smile to this girl fueled my girlfriend's attraction towards me.

Finally I order a Lyft and we get in. Everyone was reluctant as to who would sit in front with the driver. I chuckled and said "I'll sit in front" while the "children" squeezed in back and cracked jokes. Now, why do I keep calling them children? Because that's what you need to think of everyone else as when you're in a group dynamic. Everyone else is a child and you are the adult leading them onwards to a good time. You don't want to exclude yourself, but you want to distinguish yourself.

We arrive, I get out, and everyone follows me. Luckily I've been to this venue before and I knew exactly where to go - no hesitation like the last bar. I walk past the receptionist desk and downstairs like I own the place. Downstairs I meet up with my brother, sister, and her friends. Not only does it give me social proof to have friends to meet up with in a Plan B bar, it gives me immense social capital to be laughing and chatting with these friends who are all in their mid to late 20s. I look like an experienced, older guy to this band of 17 year olds. Again, I'm lucky to have this resource. That's why it's important to become friends with the bartenders and bouncers of a venue, and to know what everyone's doing tonight so you can meet up with them if need be. In short, be resourceful.

We order a couple beers and all sit and hang out. This venue is a lot nicer with a live band. People are dancing and there's room to breathe. My brother comes over to me and tells me to bring her swing dancing (him and I both learned out West). She keeps asking what he told me and I said that he said I ought to take you dancing. She smiled and got real cute and said "noo! I'm such an awkward dancer don't you make me dance!" I just laughed it off. We finish our beer and I say "[girlfriends] cmon let's go take some shots!" For some reason my friend also follows, whatever. We all 3 take shots after I order and open a tab (still leading). I bullshit with one of the older friends of my sister's about joining us for shots (which communicates that I'm on his level). My gf asks how I know him; I say he's my sister's friend and he did some work for me, he's a really cool guy. Remember, you're not competing for a girl's attention. You're the benevolent shepherd who sees the world as his sandbox and finds the fun in any situation. My girlfriend and had more fun on public transportation home than the original bar -- it's all about the atmosphere and energy. It's extremely important to master your energy and emotions; they create the atmosphere around you, and by leading everyone with you enters you atmosphere and partakes in your fun. This makes you addictive. It's not that the venue was fun, it was that you made it fun. And that makes you valuable. And when you're gone the next day, people will be craving that energy.

So we take shots, and then some more, and then some more. My brother tells my gf to "watch me" so I don't get too drunk. I may have a reputation of going overboard every now and then, especially when it comes to hard liquor. It's fading away now, but guard your reputation. Someone once said that a reputation takes 20 years to build and 20 seconds to destroy. By the time we get back from the shots my other friends are dancing and we join in. There's a guitar solo on and I just close my eyes and let myself go. I was somewhere between tipsy and drunk at this point and it may have seen like I was long gone dancing like a druggie at Woodstock. My friend who followed us for shots when I just called my gf grabbed my arms and starting teasing me about being drunk. My gf asked multiple times if I was ok. At this point I'm starting to get pissed off at my friend, grab his arm tightly, and throw it off me. I realize this is heading south and I need to change my body language. So I laugh, grab my friend, and tell him something like, "nah bro I'm not drunk I'm just feeling the music brother! It's touching my very soul man, this guitar solo's giving me an orgasm" in a really douchey, hipster-kinda voice to lighten the situation. He laughs and things have recovered. We dance some more and I can tell people are following me and my other friend's lead. It's not about moves, it's about confidence. Between songs I'm yelling and hollering and clapping and joking around with my buddies and just having a good time.

I remember chatting a little with my gf. Then the band plays a country song I can't get enough (Friends in Low Places), and I grab my gf and yell "time for swing dancing!" I pull her aside (isolation is key if you want to escalate) took her hands, and started with some of the basic moves I learned. In swing dancing the guy has to lead or nothing will go right. It's very natural, easy, and fun for the girl, but the guy's gotta lead the way. So there I had her twirling and dipping and dancing to my favorite song and I thought "damn, this is a lot of fun!" We keep dancing and I wrap my arms around her and pull her close at just the right moments. You can feel when it's right to escalate, you've got to understand the energy of the music and atmosphere. Women are naturally tuned into this, far more than guys. So if you want to jive with her, embrace the energy of the atmosphere and let it move you. I don't want to sound like a new-age, inexperienced young kid, but there's a reason why girls love to act like hippies.

She starts kissing me in front of all my friends and brother and sister, quite a diversion from the "I don't like to kiss in public" remark. After the song ends, instead of going in for a kiss or staring in her eyes, I look towards the band, cheer, clap, smile and laugh. I'm having so much fun and I don't care what anyone else thinks, I'm just loving the music and the high energy. This goes on for a bit until the band gets off. I round everyone up and we do one more round of shots all together now. Then I have to take her home because it's getting late and she has a curfew.

I get a Lyft to public transportation, which we take to a certain point and finally get a ride to her house, and then I go home. We're relaxing, laughing, somewhat drunk, all the way home. In the Lyft she moans about how she has to pee and joking me calls her an asshole for teasing her. She says "I'm gonna slap you!" and does so lightly. "Can I slap you hard?" she asks. To be honest the pain felt good, and I let her. She says "slap me" and I give a perfect slap across her face and she says that it's really hot and sexy. Damn, did not know she was into that, but certainly glad I found out.

Speaking of sex, I wanted to have sex this weekend but just didn't have an opportunity (we both live with our families). Normally I'd try to pull some strings and go crazy trying to find an AirBnB to rent for a night and then lying to my parents about where I was and on and on and on. But I decided early on that night that I didn't give a shit. I think nofap has really been helping me. After the first few days of it I go crazy but once you pass that threshold, you feel like you've just been escalated above the commoners - like your sexual energy is a magical power no one else has really learned to harness, but you have. You no longer feel crazy horny, but crazy energetic and fun. It was a fantastic night, most fun I've had in a long time.

If you got this far, thanks for reading my long, exhausted post. Even if no one reads it, it's great meditative and development work to reflect on this experience. If you have any feedback, it's greatly appreciated.