I'm a correctional officer I will not say where, but recently I had a inmate get in my face because he was upset he had to "lock back" I didn't budge. I stood my ground firmly and repeated that he needed to return to his cell. We squared off for a few moments before other CO's got involved . I keep thinking about this all day that I should have punched him in the face. I'm fairly new so I'm still developing a rhythm but nonetheless I was concerned about losing my job had I thrown the first hit. I hesitated, I wasn't scared of the guy himself but I also believed the situation would defuse itself with time, clearly I was wrong. My question is how to handle events like this in the future hopefully security personnel or other correctional officers can answer this question. Much of the staff I work with aside from a small portion are scared themselves I have the heart to do this job, I have the know how but I've never been in a situation where I'm allowed put my hands on someone with out legal issues ensuing me. I have self doubts about my ability to defend myself despite being extremely athletic and able bodied. I've began increasing my working sessions. But I still get butterfly's in my stomach and a over all bad feeling when it's time to fight someone. I have been in several fights in my but none of them from me throwing the first punch I've always been reacting to aggression.

Thank you for reading this and any input from any reputable person with experience would be much appreciated. I don't back down from people at all but inside I have butterfly's and doubtful thoughts about defending myself and it stops me from being first to hit in a inevitable situation. Today was lucky day I had not been hurt or injured and did not hurt anyone else but I can tell especially now that the pod seen I didn't back down but stood there instead they will begin to test me and soon I will need to hit first for my own safety. Again thank you for any input about begin confident enough to hit first when clearly needed