I can't escape. I've tried and tried, but I just can't make it happen. I'm fucking locked up. There are no chains. There's no concrete. There's not even a fucking lock. I could conceivably walk out of this cell at a moment's notice. No one can figure out why I haven't left my cell. Being in this cell is the worst torture a man can endure. But I'm still here.

Why don't I leave? Because my brain is mush. I'm addicted. I think about things other than this addiction. It's nice, I think about what it would be like to climb a mountain. I wonder what it would be like to fuck twins. I wonder what it would be like to sail the seven seas. I wonder what it would be like to scale the Grand Canyon. They are nice thoughts.

But none of these things can beat my fucking crack. I have shit that outweighs crank. I have something so powerfully intoxicating. You wouldn't believe the barbaric, savage claws this addictions shreds you with. The ultimate misery. Have you got it figured out yet? Do you know what my addiction is? You fucking do, because you're victim to it too.

I am addicted to apathy. Who isn't? I'm just like you. I like my fucking burritos, I like my warm showers. I fucking loooove the internet. I love sitting on my ass, regurgitating hil-fucking-arious pictures that someone else made. I fucking upvote the shit out of funny usernames. I pray that some new fucker will come around and validate my existence by giving a puny upvote. It makes me feel fucking grand when someone agrees. This is my life.

It's easy living this way. My body is sustained, my environment is controlled, my world is diminutive. I look at funny pictures but there is no true reaction. There is only a superficial recognition in the most shallow part of my brain that yes, for the 7th time, I still found that fucking clever. I should find a thread to post that in.

And you know what? I'm not even conscious. I don't even know that I hate this. Everything about this world, life, and existence just screams "YOU'RE FUCKING MISERABLE", but I don't even know it. This truly is a funny cell. The longer you're in, the more comfortable you are. You soon forget life on the outside, then you forget what the outside ever was.

It still seeps in sometimes, however. A glimpse of the outside. I turn on the TV and hear about a man solo sailing across the ocean in a sailboat. I read an article of a man climbing El Capitan twice in 1 day. I think "that's nice, what a cool thing". Or maybe I post in /r/atheism about how fucking amazing Neil Degrasse Tyson is. You want to know the truth?

My amazement is a fucking delusion. Secretly, ever time I see an accomplished person, my mind gets filled with utter rage. At who? Myself. Because seeing the reality, seeing the awesome shit other people do only reflects upon my glorious incapability. But I can't fucking accept it. No, I'm not a bad person. No, seriously, I tried, and it was because I had to do this or that. I was made to not be a success. It wasn't my fault. Fuck it, I'm going to look at cute cats until my short term memory blesses me with forgetfulness. I'll forget I ever hated myself and instead drone out reality with more and more inanity.

I can't handle it. Instead of working out the chains, instead of picking the lock, I simply imagine a fairy tale land where I'm not in chains. I'll ignore the lock. I'm not really locked up, I choose to be here. And, when all is said and done and I lay 6 feet under, I become nothing.