Keeping a rolodex on acquaintances

thecounterpointer · 2014-05-03T17:17:36+00:00

I went through that nervous/awkward phase too and keeping notes on people I met helped me build up my ability to remember stuff. For a while, I thought it was a crutch, and I'd gotten pretty good at being social so I stopped using it. I also ran into this weird situation multiple times where I would remember all these details about others and they would get creeped out.

So train your brain to remember stuff that is important about others, but if you're remembering every little detail about others, you likely won't have any time to do anything else as you thanklessly prepare for social encounters.

Even if it sounds cliche, information really is power. People here talk about frame all the time. If you have partial/incomplete or no knowledge about a particular person or situation, you're easier to manipulate.

wanderingfun · 2014-05-03T23:12:54+00:00

This and other techniques are covered in the Carnegie classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. To give you an idea of how powerful it is to remember people and their life events, if you get a chance to watch up close Bill Clinton in action at a party, do so. This is also generally true of Bush (both of them) and Obama, and most of the senior political leadership in any nation for that matter. For the most part, none of them use an executive assistant to remind them of who everyone is, and know practically every person of note (with money and power to cultivate ties to) at the function.

What makes this even more impressive is if you realize that not only do they recall names, but a detail from the last conversation, and initiate a brief chat on that detail. And to see part of the reason they reached the top echelons of the political arena, look into how many of those people they had not met for years. They make it look easy, but it is an acquired skill that takes diligent practice to hone to that degree; they might have started with a native talent for remembering names, but I assure you that they make a conscious decision to expend effort to get better at this at one point in their lives. There aren't enough savants in the world who can pull this off "naturally" to fill the senior political ranks of the world's nations. All of this is to say you're on the right track.

The parallels to effort at honing game in TRP should be obvious.

FortunateBum · 2014-05-03T21:54:02+00:00

Holy shit, are you the reincarnation of J Edgar?

Seriously, if it works for you, keep doing it. But it is unusual. I wouldn't tell anyone you're doing this. Keep your files hidden.

One thing I would caution is that some people think it's weird when you remember little things about them. Why some people are like this, I have no idea. It sounds like you haven't run across anything like this, however. One thing you can do with people like that is say things like, "Weren't you telling me one time you liked that movie, uh, what was it?" You're pretending not to remember something that well. This helps put a lot of people at ease. I find that many women are like this. Also, if someone repeats something they told you a while ago, you can say that you vaguely remember or act like you don't remember.

Zackcid · 2014-05-03T23:18:38+00:00

At least you're making an effort to grow and learn...can't hate on that.

But, ultimately, you gotta cure this nonsense from the inside out. You have way too many restrictions inside you. "Running out of things to say"? <---------- I haven't had this problem in years!!

It's not like I magically gained a vast database of conversational topics to pick from, I just got rid of the internal filters. I value myself more. I speak my mind. Trust me, you got A LOT to talk about, but you just censor yourself too much.

Lift weights bro. Smoke weed (and use that enlightened head-space to introspect and understand your underlying issues). And chat up people whenever possible. Doesn't have to be anything big. Practice does make perfect, but you can facilitate it all by working on your Inner Game.

Good luck, brother. You're better off than 70% of guys out there because you're actually making an effort to break out of this shit that's been holding you back.

edit: I personally keep a daily Journal. I've made out my life to be like this grand Adventure. Every night, I go onto MS Word and type out the interesting things that happened today. Where did I fail, how can I learn, what are my goals, what am I gonna do, what badass thing did I do, etc. It's great to write things down -- it reinforces them more.

Newbosterone · 2014-05-04T02:08:03+00:00

When someone hands you a business card, take it. Later, jot the most important facts you learned about them on the back. Refer to the card if you ever need to contact them in the future. Your social credibility goes way up if years later you can ask, "hey are you still into sailing?"

leverage010 · 2014-05-04T02:25:53+00:00

I'd rather forget stuff so when I'm told that the person already told me I can throw it on this strategy I developed. I explain I've been forgetful lately because of my mind being caught up 8 this situation or problem. Then, I present a hypothesis of which the answer will give me an insight in how the person is that would not display through normal conversation.

Her: I already told you that remember Me: oh yea I'm sorry I've been kinda forgetful lately. I've not been able to let go of this situation that I am in. Her: like what? Me: imagine this, I've had a friend that has always been loyal to me, but his girlfriend confessed to me that she cheated on him...what would you do?

Her reaction to that gives me a slight insight on how she handles unfaithfulness. Of course these women aren't always truthful but it's better than keeping cards on people.

tmpjb · 2014-05-04T05:26:09+00:00

Well I don't have any system for guys because if I have nothing to talk about with them, then i don't want to be their friend. Guys are simple like that. With girls I like to use daygame and just take them along with whatever i am doing that day (unless its really boring). It means less talking because we are doing other shit than looking at each other and it increases familiarity which is the point anyways. And when we do talk I let her talk about her interests and then I relate a bit and encourage her to share more. Conversation during the seduction phase is much more straightforward and you can prepare for that in advance for any girl.

vzhu · 2014-05-05T03:00:06+00:00

If you have the time, try working with groups of children. Does wonders for both bullshitting and trying to remember names.

Title	Keeping a rolodex on acquaintances
Author	The_BitterTruth
Upvotes	6
Comments	13
Date	May 3, 2014 5:09 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/24mr4g/keeping_a_rolodex_on_acquaintances/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/keeping-a-rolodex-on-acquaintances.14948 https://theredarchive.com/post/14948

Comments