So you want a steady girlfriend, an LTR, or even marriage. You already know the risks. You’ve been warned repeatedly on this forum to stay away from these entanglements. Still, you want this woman. She’s the sunshine of your life. She might even be your soul mate.

Learn to negotiate. Read, practice, take a course, whatever. Become a better negotiator, for continual negotiating is involved once you tread down the treacherous path of LTRs and marriages.

I had a wife (now ex) who once said to me that she doesn’t negotiate. Presumably with her male partner. It took two years to get a settlement deal done, since she didn’t believe she had to negotiate and trade. Sadly, I’ve come across lots of other women who carry on the same. They state their demands, and expect capitulation. Capitulation is not negotiating, it’s giving in and hoping she’ll still be nice to you after she gets everything she wants.

Some negotiating fundamentals:

  •      have viable options, be flexible, there’s always more than one way to solve a problem

  • never concede, always trade

  • be patient, time is the most expensive cost of negotiating

  • have no fear of deadlock, there may be no room agreement, be indifferent to the outcome

  • don’t accept a first offer, negotiate for a better deal, nothing is final until you can live with the outcome

  • prepare, know your position, know the details, know what your bottom line is, anticipate responses

  • be strong, don’t crumble under threats, as in she’ll leave you if you don’t give in

  • be aware of the hooker’s principle (Briffault’s Law), services are worth more before they are delivered than after rendered

  • ask questions, and listen to answers

  • embrace silence (there isn’t a lot of that around these days) when you have nothing to add, or are waiting for a reply, stfu

Many more negotiating principles apply, and there are countless books on the subject. If you want an LTR or marriage, you must learn to be a good negotiator. For example, it’s better to negotiate the terms of your partnership before it’s formed (pre-nup), since breaking a partnership is complicated and messy. Particularly when lawyers and children are involved. It’s a big red warning flag if she won’t negotiate at the start of your LTR or marriage, and you’re setting yourself up for a world of future pain.

I’m not talking about negotiating for sex, since that’s a dead end exercise that only a beta would consider, e.g. choreplay for starfish sex. I’m talking about negotiating all the other minutiae that goes with an LTR or marriage. Things like money, spending. activities. You are going to be negotiating every day with this woman. It’s a skill well worth your investment.