One Sunday, we were reading the newspaper, all of us. Kristi walked up to her mother, grabbed the newspaper, and threw it on the floor. Her mother said, "Kristi, that wasn't very nice. Pick up the paper and give it back to Mother. Tell her you're sorry." "I don't has to," Kristi said. Every member of the family gave Kristi the same advice and got the same reply. So I told Betty to pick her up and put her in the bedroom, I lay down on the bed and Betty dropped Kristi on the bed beside me. Kristi looked at me contemptuously. She started to scramble off, but I had a hold on her ankle. She said, "Wet woose!" I said, "I don't has to," And that lasted four hours. She kicked and struggled. Pretty soon she freed one ankle; I got hold of the other. It was a desper- ate fight—like a silent fight between two titans. At the end of four hours, she knew that she was the loser and she said, "I pick up the paper and give it to Mommy." And that's where the axe fell. 1 said, "You don't has to." So she threw her brain into higher gear and said, "I pick up the paper. I give it to Mommy. I tell Mommy sorry." And I said, "You don't has to,"

And she shifted into full gear. "I pick up paper. I want pick up paper. I want tell Mommy sorry." I said, "Fine." Ten years later, my two younger girls yelled at their mother. I called the girls and said, "Stand on the rug. I don't think it's very nice to yell at Mother. Stand there and think it over and see if you agree with me." Kirsti said, "I could stand here all night." Roxie said, "I don't think it's very nice to yell at Ma and I will go and apologize to her." I continued writing on a manuscript. An hour later, I turned to Kristi. Even one hour is fatiguing. I turned back, and wrote another hour. Turned back and said, "Even the hands of the clock seem to be moving very slowly." Half an hour later I turned and said, "I think that was a very stupid remark you made to Mother. I think it's very stupid to yell at your ma." She collapsed in my lap and said, "So do I," and sobbed. Ten years without disciplining a child—two to twelve. At fifteen I disciplined her once more, that's all. Three times only.

Theory :

In his article "The Identification of a Secure Reality," pub- lished in Family Process, Erickson pointed out that "Reality, security, and the definitions of boundaries and limitations consti- tute important considerations in the growth of understanding in childhood. . . . When one is small, weak and intelligent, living in an undefined world of intellectual and emotional fluctuations, one seeks to learn what is really strong, secure and safe." Erickson could have quit after Kristi had "given in," but he persisted until she could say, "I wants to." She had then changed the "has to" into a "wants to." She had internalized the socially desirable activity. In this story Erickson described, as succintly as has ever been done, the development of conscience or superego.

He ako emphasized the importance of early "definition of boundaries and limitations." With this early "strong, secure" disciplining, it was necessary to discipline Kristi only two more times in fifteen years. The early lesson was well learned.