Hey, RedPillers, I've finished this year as a beta after all. I am actually tired of writing this post right now since I feel like I am losing the fight and that I am beyond hope. Some info about me: Brazilian, 23, studying engineering (5 year course), unemployed. 1m75cm and weighing 80 kg, somewhat attractive, but with a lazy behavior and not stimulated by any activity. I wasn't diagnosed with depression, but a doctor prescribed to me Prozac and Axonium due to anxiety.

Short story: I've been always terrible with women, only had one serious relationship that right now it seems that my ex didn't respect me and after that I couldn't get together with anyone.

2013 my ex broke up with me due to my trip to the exterior (7 months old relationship) 2014 I was studying abroad with a bunch of brazilians in a small city living in student accommodations next to each other. Wild parties, binge drinking and travelling resumed that year for the brazilian students. I went to one or other party, but never socialized well. Only made out with 3 girls, nothing more than that. Despite I worked out and was in the best shape of my life with 6% body fat with abs showing up. 2015 back to Brazil, hooked up a few times with some girls. Each one of them 'broke up' (for the lack of a better term at the moment) with me. I've tried to gain muscle mass, but gained fat. The girls broke up with me for me being clingy, or cold, or calculist, or because 'there was no chemistry, despite I was such a Nice Guy'.

I am actually writing this because the 23rd December, a girl who I knew from college started talking to me via Messenger. She invited me to Christmas over her house for dinner celebration at 24th. We started dating quite quickly, I had the mindframe of not attaching to her and posted on Twitter that the countdown had started. Indeed it was. A few days after the first date (we got at third base), we went on another. She got home and texted me that she liked me but she wasn't feeling what she should be feeling and she truthfully was blaming herself, saying that she was not in the right mind for anything.

I got pissed because I call what I have a curse which I call The Iteration and it happened yet again. I don't believe in curses, I know that with the right mindset you can achieve your objectives, but I call it this way because it seems like I have hit a plateau in which I can never surpass. I can't maintain women, neither for relationships nor for friendship.

Right now I am wishing I was assexual, this girl was friends with boys in her teen years and offered to help me with women because she is feeling bad about breaking up things with me. I am filled with hatred towards women. It has nothing to do with anger phase as far as I know.

I want to quit trying, I don't have appreciation or stimulus for any activity and just want to learn how to live alone without feeling bad about it.

Thanks for the ones who got this far. I wish you well for 2016. Mine will probably be like my last 10 years after puberty.