Edit - First post, sorry for bad format/rant

22 M from Sydney, Australia

I was obese my whole life and hit a high 130kg in my final year of highschool. Towards the end of the year I started gym/dieting (i used extreme ketogenic) and by the New year (2011 finished) i was at 80kg being really skinny & no muscles.

In year 12 (final year) we have a formal and I ask this girl that liked me in primary school to come with me (i haven't spoken to her in years) and surprisingly she said yes. Keep in mind i was 110kg at the formal. Now after the formal I "asked her out" which was more like saying "I like you, do you like me? wanna be my gf?". She said she saw me as just a friend. School finished completely in a month. Got a 90+ score, putting me at the best uni in Sydney (Sydney uni lol). My group of mates (all beta except the one dirty Russian) and I went for a post-school holiday somewhere - it was shit. We drank, ate and slept while it rained the weekend. Anyways, 1 week after the holiday I get a call from my mate (who was fatter than me ~ 130kg) asking me if it was okay to ask my formal date out. I said yeah its fine. So he did and nek minit they are in a relationship. I have never been able to figure out why that happened but it drove me crazy knowing this girl that was obsessed with me all primary school would chose some fat LITERALLY Peter Griffith looking guy over me. The drive that started within me that followed that event was like no other. I was 110kg at the formal in October 2011. New years day I was 80kg. 4 tuna cans, 2 protein shakes and eggs everyday along with hours of walking and 2 weight sessions daily. I DID IT!

A bit more background you should know. When i was 15, my mathematics tutor (complete pimp guy) told me about "the game" and lent me it. I finished it overnight and purchased my own copy. Being fat in high school (all boys school) is hard. You have no confidence and bullying really is an issue. For 3 years I studied "PUA" via their forums and googling etc, watching the PUA TV show and this other one with Peaches and 2 other guys who judged guys facing off in pick up. Over that time my mindset was different. I didn't understand the true laws of Pick up and more looked at "tricks" and "lines" and "negging".. all that Neil Strauss BS.

Anyway back to story time. The True Test So New years eve 2011 my crazy Russian friend has a house party (his bday is Jan 1 lol). So there are 4 girls at this party, 1 is the crazy russians gf, 1 is his old FWB who he showed me vids/pic of him fucking her while we sit in class and the other 2 are a redhead and russianSLOOT. Now the R-Sloot i had met once before (2 weeks earlier?) and had flirted with her, did my PUA-BS (i dont even remember lol?) and got her number. Important to note that she was a Russian Orthodox Priest's daughter. Anyway back to the party - guess who the competition for the girls are? My group of "mates" that i had gone no-contact with since I was lifting. I know R-Sloot wants me so i let my beta bitch friends do what they want - funniest shit I saw was them all dancing in a circle around her (at a small 1 bedroom unit party). When I saw that I saw she felt awkward. I came out of the smoke area(balcony) and poured to vodka shots, went into their "tribal dance" circle, grabbed her hand, (no words) and pulled her into my Russian mates bedroom. This is where i fkt up a bit. So I tell her we are playing a game. Its not really lol, I just said we take a shot and kiss. We took it and we made out. 2 minutes into the hot sesh, the "baboons" open the door and have 2 baseball bats in their hand and are dancing around us. I ignored and kept going until they pulled me apart and then their shit started. "Bro i was flirting with her first", "You grasscutter", blah, blah fookin blah. So I left the room and told her we would continue later. She says on the balcony to me that she wants me to come to the movies (she says it loud enough for the beta baboons to hear) and then one of them "invites" himself to come (BAD IDEA BUDDY!) So next day, we plan a city day and she is messaging me how its awkward he is coming etc etc and I say its okay because we can deal with BB. I turn up late. He is there with her - AND HIS LITTLE BROTHER HAHA. We go into the movie, im on one side he is on the other and messaged her back and forth, getting dirtier each message. She says in a last message "I cant handle this!", and then makes out with me - right in front BB and BB-Bro. We exit the movie, BB and BB-Bro leave, We laugh, go to say goodbye at the train station, she drags me to public guys toilet (busy AF sydney train station but she didnt care) and gets on her knees and sucks until I give in to her thirst for my juices. It was at that moment, I was born. My first kiss and BJ all in the space of 2 days. And tbh, i felt the way i dealt with her was peanut butter smooth. 3 months later i would turn 18 and be legal to club!

After some facebook fame (from loosing weight and being on tv for it) I had this one girl who i decided to start my first ever LTR with. Lasted a year, cheated on her my 2nd night clubbing (would have been the first but I bitched out due to my conscious saying its wrong). Its not every day a Lebanese milf(30-40 yo?) wants to fuck a fresh 18yo Skinny AF guy, but to this day I regret not following through (day 1 clubbing). Anyway, the second time round, me and my friend hooked 2 friends, hooked up with them, got numbers and then went to another club. They call us up around 2am saying they are going back to their dorms at UNSW (university NSW). I drove to the city (and being on a provisional licence can only carry 1 passenger after 11pm) and so we followed their cab back to the dorms. Lucky they had their own room. I was laying in bed and thought in my head that this wasnt gonna happen as we went through her ipad's random FB shit. She puts the ipad down randomly, takes her clothes off and rides the fuck out of me - My mate didnt get the D wet, just sucked lol. Forgot a key point - I broke up with my gf over the phone on the way to their dorms (i couldnt cum with her anymore, attraction gone). The end of relationship 1.

2013 - the year of the ALPHA

This was my peak! I went from 70kg (177cm) to 85kg, maintaining sub 12% bf. I was a promoter at 2 clubs, good friends with all the DD's (Bad Substance Dealers) as they always had girls around them and were viewed as somewhat "Alpha" i guess. I kept a list, from A-Z of all the girls i hooked up with and surely enough, i finished the list before the end of the year. I hooked up with on average 10 girls a night, got most of their #'s but never really learned about the "burn your shit to the ground" mentality. I was more like a kid who never had sugar, visiting a candy store. I wanted hookups, fast, as I spent the last 18 years bitch-less. I would hookup and then walk away (Big mistake realization now) and find more. I SHOULD HAVE stayed and tried to F-close every single one but i didn't care. The year was ending and I was starting to want a more loving connection, hence i searched for a LTR.

End of 2013 - Enter toxic bitch

I was 19 at the time and was at a well known music festival here in Syd called Stereosonic. At the end of day 1 of the festival this girl HB7 who is 5 yrs older than me recognises me from the club i promoted at (even though she looks mollyd/coked up AF). She is giving me the anime eyes and big AF smile so in front of all my mates i just hooked up with her for a minute, said put your number in your phone and she did. P.s. she was with a guy who was a "personal trainer" (he was SKINNY AF while i was swole) and i said to him "maybe i should personally train you haha". Funny shit in the moment. Leave the festival, message her and she replies instantly saying she wants to see me day 2 of the festival. Day 2, we meet up. My friends are pissed off that I spent time with her. Never did drugs before this moment. She offered me coke and Molly and so we went to the bathroom and she gave me both. Felt on top of the world. Before I left for the freebies, i told my friends to wait 10 minutes - keep in mind 50,000 people at a festival makes the cell service die so i couldn't call to get in touch with them. When we got back, my friends werent there. Fuck them, sad. Festival goes into the night and the free drugs and booty rubbing on my are getting to me. I pull her jean shorts off and go in doggy style while everyone is fucked off their face around us. Felt good. But this is where the "toxic" started in my life. I LTR'd this bitch and spent 2 years obsessed with her.

2014-2015 - The demise and rebirth of Alpha

She cheated on me early on. Consistently lied to me. I went back. I stopped lifting. I gained fat (from 85kg shredded to 93kg and NOT SHREDDED) I became beta. Went on a holiday after 1 yr and a recent big fight, cheated on her, got back, began gym again. When I got back i found out she was pregnant, had a miscarriage. Broke up with her - even said i cheated - and then spent 6 months mind fucking her by fucking her --> No contact and repeat. Eventually I was done and then 2015 was about to finish. The girl i cheated on her with also lived in Sydney so when we got back she was a plate while i was stringing my ex along... while killing it on tinder. The plate that i met overseas wanted a LTR. I had already fucked her (apparently second guy, i believed her, she was tight and a really really bad starfish) but honestly wanted to have that needy bitch there whenever i wanted to blow. She was a tap for me, the wettest girl i have ever met, dripping before i even touched her. She fell in love with me, asked me to LTR, i said yes (she knew about my workout buddy - who i fucked after every workout, and she never checked my phone so i got away with it). The year finished, I was in a LTR and a gym buddy as FWB, happy and satisfied but still wanting more.

2016 - WHAT THE FUCK

I started having thoughts of the Coke girl who was 5 yrs older. Out of my own bad decisions, I decide to get on a plane to Thailand to visit her after saying i was sorry for cheating and missed our "special bond". Got to Thailand, saw her, fucked her within 5 minutes of getting to her hotel. I only paid for the flights, she paid for the rest. During my week stay I asked if she had been with anyone since we broke up, she repeated no. On my final day, we had a fight - memories of me cheating on her came back and she wanted space by the pool. I stayed in the hotel room and searched her phone. This was where my heart dropped because i spent $2k on last minute flights (usually its under $1k). I saw messages "I miss you deep inside me", "come over", etc along with 100+ tinder matches (and they were all "messaged" by her). I cried for a minute. Took 5k BAHT and packed my shit and got out of the hotel within 5 minutes to make my way to the airport (the flight wasnt for 6 hours fml). I bought cigarettes and gave the taxi driver a 1000 BAHT tip while he agreed with my "fucked up love situation". Koh-sa-mui airport sucks. Its hot, open and dead. I waited, smoking and drinking the H2O. My ex turns up. Sits next to me saying what happened. I told her she lied to me and called her a slut in front of this HB8 Latina looking girl and 2 other guys sitting close to us. I pretty much said every bad thing possible and that I was done with a slut like her. So she walks after the 5 minute grilling and I smile with a "winning" grin. Back to Sydney I go.

2016 - The start of forever

In my 2013 single year i adopted the RSD mentality and skills. I was good and had somewhat of a reputation within our Sydney inner circle. After months of fucking around I started a new LTR in June (still in it - kinda). When i met her i was grounded, alpha AF and in my own reality. Gym was at a peak and I was focused. That's when I made my first mistake. I started being too emotional and loving and put too much love into the relationship. She is an Asian HB7 at best and actually has an ass and tits. (Should i post pics?) She tells me she has had a MMF 3sum. She says a lot of stories about her past which would put her into "slut" status obviously. However I'm still with her - mostly because of the sex. So i stopped training 2 months and just started again now. I became a little BB and found out she was messaging her exes and shit within the first month. Told her how that disrespected me and she changed her number/deleted them, but still tried to shift blame to me. She recently came back from a 2 week trip. I have a history of depression, and it hit hard when she was gone. I became needy. I became suicidal. I kept going off that she wasn't replying and when she did it was dry 1 line kinda stuff - that happened the whole trip. She send me naked snaps while she was away but never really thought i was getting her attention. I broke up with her over the phone because of it 4 days before she got back - I couldn't deal with her distance and dry BS. So she came back yesterday, came to my house and hugged me, cried. Complained that I broke up with her again and that I was being needy etc. I didnt care. For 2 weeks i was training hard. For 2 weeks she was neglecting me. I made a plan! GET SHREDDED AND WHILE IM WAITING FOR THAT, FUCK HER UNTIL I HAVE THE MINDSET TO START GAMING AGAIN. I have this current mentality with her. I fucked her twice when she got back. Then she left. Im being dry and focusing on myself and myself only now. I will fuck her and keep her until im 6% (takes 4-6 weeks) and then ditch her. Honestly I really want to break up with her because she is only making me angry - bringing out the beta qualities in a hot blooded/tempered Italian man like myself - regardless if I dont get to fuck over the next 6 weeks. Good plan? Keep her 6 weeks? Dump her, no pussy, just iron? TBH, i don't know if she has ever cheated. She promised she would never do it and would just break up with me instead.

Final thoughts

So to escape my depression, I thought a girl's love would help - WRONG, GYM WILL! Don't ever give a girl a second chance, unless you want to just keep fucking them like me - while getting fucked yourself Consistency is key - GYM, DIET, APPEARANCE If you want something, GO FOR IT! - Nothing is impossible Fuck Relationships - AWALT - Don't fall in love Are you in love with her? or the pussy? if either, look above ^ ","created_utc":1474858642,"over_18":false,"stickied":false,"title":"My Journey","edited":1474862094,"quarantine":false,"id":"54in68","link_flair_text":"Field Report","score":0,"author":"JustinDX","author_flair_css_class":nul