Today was a better day. It was the gay parade here in NYC so it was kinda tough to get around. A lot of the women were with other people and I'm sure a lot of them weren't gay. I got around 4 numbers today and a few good approaches.

I meet up Sarah#9 from last week and we got drinks. We met in a bar and we chatted. We made out a few times but nothing else. I tried to escalate things but she didn't seem to want to go far. I could tell that Sarah#9 wanted to get to know me and take things slow.

Just from that I knew I'm not going to have sex with her on the third date, not sure when but I know it's going to take a few more dates after that.

So the other girl from the previous FR, the one I had a great date with and made out with didn't hit me up. It baffles me that thishappened to me again. I don't know why. This girl was into me as we made out and the vibe was great. We talked and built a connection and then gone. I'm thinking about the whole date on what could have made her realize that I wasn't worth it. It could be that I kissed her but she kissed me first.

I honestly don't know why. The voice in my head is telling me that I don't deserve happiness and that I don't deserve a girl like her. I don't mind as much if they tell me through text or something that they are not interested. I hate getting ghosted.

It's the worst feeling. There are times where I wished these women would feel how I feel when it comes to ghosting. The abundance is there but it's demoralizing having to start from scratch every time. Seduction is like sales. I did sales so I know what it feels like to lose a client and get leads which would hopfully lead to a potential client.

It's hard to sell a product if you don't like it, in this case myself. Staying positive is similar to both sales and seduction, you don't want to be negative at all, you have to hustle and assume the sale(attraction). All these things that I forget or goes out the window when approaching.

The date with Sarah#9 went well. We're going to meetup again sometime this week and I'll let you guys know how that goes. No new leads for this week, maybe one or two. I need to really get my life together. I honestly don't want to resort to approaching all day to get a date but I feel like with those odds It will lead to potential clients(dates). Fuck me, haha.