TL;DR last paragraph

I'm relatively new to trp, probably a member for about 3 months now. Read the sidebar, and read some great posts by the endorsed contributors. I've learned so much but what after today I realized I am not on the level I thought I was.

I was a 20 year old virgin until I found trp. Always shy, a real nice guy^TM actually. So the following was a pretty big deal for me. I used what I learned here to pick up a cute Hispanic girl from my program (Lets call her: J). By using what I learned here I got from her my first kiss, and also my first sexual experience. But of course it all came with a catch. She would shit test me night and day. The worst is when she would be all lovey-dovey when we were alone but during class (one example) it would almost seem as though she was ignoring me.

Now I liked J, but I wasn't stupid. I had picked up another girl while at work on a weekend. This girl (N) was 23, smoking body, tanned skin and seemed seriously into me. She initiated kino with me, rather aggressively I might add. I got her number after some more flirting and a kiss attempt and set up a date. Date never happened because she went on a small vacation with her mom. But that's ok right?

This leads us to where I am now. A depressed fucktard who realized he isn't such a big shot alpha. In fact I would say I'm still pretty beta. I'm full of stress from school, on top of the stress J constantly has me under by being such a cold bitch when we're not alone. She invited me to her brothers party the last time we hung out. Today, cold shoulder plus a text saying "You dont really have to go" to the party. In addition my date Saturday with N fell through the roof because she has a party in the city (Im pretty sure its just an excuse).

I'm cutting off J, I cant take the stress. Haven't texted her back and probably wont (even though I'm kind of hoping she texts me asking if I want to show up). N will probably never text me back since that's twice in a row she flaked on me. Both girls gone, even though I only really appreciated J (fuck oneitis).

Maybe this post gets removed because I'm pretty new and not a very good writer. But I wanted the other newer members to see this. Think you're ready? Think you're big shit because you've read the side bar and maybe practiced a little? Fuck no.