On breakups and moving on

fvrthebrave · 2016-01-13T20:13:48+00:00

[permanently deleted]

VasiliyZaitzev · 2016-01-13T21:18:35+00:00

One day she will come crawling back and you will NOT GIVE A FUCK.

Or she won't. And you shouldn't give a shit.

"Over-investment" is the danger of an exclusive LTR. You can lose abundance mentality, which, when it leaves, often takes DGAF with it.

Solution? Plates, mofos. You can have a 'primary' if you want, but better to have abundance. As an example, one of my longest standing plates has (had, I should say) become unmanageable. She's young (23) and tempermental, so I expect a certain amount of it, but last week, enough was enough. She pulled a "Well, I'll just leave and you'll never have to see me again", to which I said "Ok." I took her back to my place--she tried to engage me in conversation in the car, but I kept it to yes/no/silence as answers--let her pack her stuff then I dropped her off. Haven't spoken to her since.

She's pinged me a few times, and tried tears (sent me a recording via IM), but she knew from the moment we had gotten back into the car that She Had Fucked Up.

For me, it's just a bump in the road, b/c, well, first, I am not afraid to be alone, and second, b/c I'm not alone. The beauty of having plates is "next woman up." Eventually, I will find another chick to add to the rotation, but if I don't bother, then I don't bother, and I won't care.

Abundance mentality, DGAF and never forget that YOU are the Prize.

V/Z

radianceofparadise · 2016-01-13T20:31:10+00:00

Breakups are hard because we are hardwired to love and take care of our women like they would for their own children. You've got cut all contact and redirect that love back to yourself. I don't go and get under 10 women either. I go monk mode after a serious LTR for an indeterminate amount of time until I feel emotionally grounded again. I know I'm ready to date again when I can see an ex out in public and not feel a single anything towards her.

RedLivesMatter · 2016-01-13T20:16:03+00:00

Overcoming fear is such a funny thing. I've asked people before, when they're nervous about doing something, how many times have they decided to go for something and it not work out in their benefit in the end. Even if it doesn't lead to the outcome you wanted you still feel better knowing you tried. In the process you learn things like what you pointed out

I began to realize that people were more afraid of interaction than I was.

That's why there's the saying fake it til you make it. You put yourself in situations where you feel fake, situations you otherwise wouldn't usually choose to be in, and then learn from them.

Discipline over your mind and your thoughts should be striven for by more people. Most people dont have the slightest clue how to go about it. Aside from the obvious boost to self confidence and your outward appearance, a somewhat unnoticed benefit of lifting is that it is an exercise of mental discipline first and foremost. If you don't have the drive and determination you wont even make it to the gym.

you don't know what the fuck to do with yourself when they're not around. You've spent so many years attached at the hip that you forgot who the hell you even are. How horrible is that?

It is horrible, I was the same way. Break the cycle. Stay single for a while, or forever! Develop your own talents and ambitions and the girls come anyways.

PantsonFire1234 · 2016-01-13T22:11:15+00:00

Maybe you do need closure, but don't beg for her back. When you beg, you will crush your self-image and nothing she says will make you feel better.

See this is something I don't get. Guys beg and stalk their exes, ask them for pitty sex and everything under the sun. They want to properly close the chapter.

My last girlfriend I did none of the sorts, basically distanced myself right away. Never begged, never asked for sex. But I still got disrespected and treated like shitty beta hubby. Sure I felt like shit at first and I didn't go all cold/no contact right away but still.

Point is, women will talk bullshit everyday bare none. At the start its nice bullshit to lock you down and in the end its hurtful bullshit to kick you out. I know the reality sucks but a breakup shouldn't be hard. The moment she's not your girl she's worthless.

Sure she may go out and sleep with some other dude a week after the breakup but that's just her way of coping. It's a fucking easy way out.

Nothing but net. It's the easiest thing to do. When I broke up I worked on myself first. Eventually I got with a chick and felt noticeable changes right away, it's like my body just needed some perspective on women. It's hard for a guy to get back in the sack after a long LTR, it's easy for a women.

They never ascend through the pain of loss. This makes them weak.

WalterEArmstrong · 2016-01-14T02:18:55+00:00

Anytime a guy gets into an LTR he needs to remind himself, often, the day is coming when it ends, and prepare himself mentally for that day. Have a plan to do something special for yourself when it happens then just keep on keep'n on.

endorsedturtle · 2016-01-13T21:38:22+00:00

Sometimes ending a relationships is easy other times it's not. I found its way to easy to only focus on all the fun things in a relationship, but what helped me move past was remembering all the shit and drama that happened and that I ended it for a reason. The best thing to do is move on. You should have good faith in yourself and remember you did something for a reason and going back to the old, is only backtracking.

Mystik277 · 2016-01-14T09:29:04+00:00

I get that breakups are painful, they are. I have had two painful breakups and they hurt like hell. This post and several comments recommend "not rushing into things". It also says "Do not make it a goal of getting under 10 women". I agree with this, it should be your goal to get under 12 women. After my first break up I read somewhere you can wait 12 months, or bang 12 women. I strongly believe this is the right way for most guys.

If you are the sort of guy who just does not want to leave the house and it does not feel right to you to go out and bang women immediately then the advice above is probably correct for you. I just think it makes you feel better to bang loads of women. I had a relationship break down after 20 years. Within a week of knowing it was over I banged my first girl. It felt kind of hollow but it was good to bust a nut into a new mouth after such a long period of confinement.

After that it just got better. Every new girl I slept with made me feel better and more of a man. The hotter the girl, the better I felt. I remember doing anal for the first time with a swedish model about two months after my break up. I felt like a god and it made me realise that it was all worth it. That memory will be with me forever and it elevated me permanently.

So whilst OPs post may be relevant for some guys, particularly if you are depressed, I believe most guys are best off sticking with the advice to bang as many girls as possible. This means plating, ONS becomes your lifestyle. I agree with everyone who says do not rush into a relationship as this is totally correct. You are way more susceptible to oneitis when you are coming out of a relationship. If you ever want an exclusive relationship again, you have to wait. While you are waiting, you may as well bang sloots.

BelmontBandit · 2016-01-14T20:21:13+00:00

Appreciate your post here, I always read all the LTR posts and while you convey some good points, I feel as though your story and subsequent solution is to fine tailored to your own situation. If I were to post on this topic, I would opt for a deeper analysis to a more generalized audience. I would post on the danger of investing so many years into one girl, and when it comes time to cash out of the casino you need to be fully prepared to take as much as you can with you, let her take nothing, including your feelings. If you have to break up, leave things off on a good note, same as you should with everyone you must cut contact with. My $0.02

Title	On breakups and moving on
Author	fvrthebrave
Upvotes	46
Comments	30
Date	January 13, 2016 6:40 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/40teat/on_breakups_and_moving_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/on-breakups-and-moving-on.55325 https://theredarchive.com/post/55325

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