When I was a teenager I started writing a novel, while I was meditating and working out regularly, unemployed with teeth rotting out, and trying to pull myself out of the worst depression of my life. At the time I had no idea the amount of work I was going to have put into this book, and I had no idea how much it would propel my writing ability. I had a grand vision of making a career out of writing fiction, every novel I would write would be a New York Times bestseller, and every novel I would write would have a movie made based off of it. Eight years after I finished my first novel, doing all of the writing and revision myself, I gave up on this dream. But I did not give up on dreaming, and it was obsessing over those visions that lead me to completing that book.

As I'm writing this I probably should've went to sleep 40 minutes ago, and I'm trying to write it in 20 to 30 minutes so I can have time to go watch a new documentary before I fall asleep. Since discovering A Voice for Men and MGTOW years ago, before that, the pre-red pill or first wave of PUA, and swallowing red pill ideas like male disposability, female hypergamy and female solipsism, and gynocentricism or female-centrism as a result of "eggs = expensive, sperm = cheap", I've had my sanity tested, and I've probably experienced greater levels of intellectual loneliness. But its with the discovery of problems that a greater sense of purpose and meaning can come, and there is more madness in ignoring problems than in the awareness of them.

I consider myself a futurist and believe in pushing the future forward without the popular conflation that such a movement has to be in conflict with morality. There are so many ways that people, society, and the world can improve, and there are so many single "missions" or passionate goals that any one person can take to potentially cause that. But from what I can remember, one of the scientists credited with discovering DNA, James Watson, discovered its helix shape of because of broad knowledge he had, and not knowledge limited to his college major or a single mission; and the same goes for knowledge, problems, mysteries, and mastery in general, its like a cobweb, so the probability of solving unsolved problems of any sort, or discovering something, or mastering something further, rises by having a web of knowledge rather than too much specialization; and in the opposite direction, stretching oneself too broadly or too thin won't allow that person to be good enough at various actions for them to be happy with those actions-- but I find this less important as I find it more meaningful, present, and enthralling to be broad.

For years I have been obsessed with the idea of autodidactism and being an autodidact, though the more popular term is renaissance man, which is to say, learning multiple things at any given time and knowing many things: being wise. And in more recent years, with the low quality of women around me, I have repeatedly asked the hard question, "How do I live the best life possible while remaining single?" And while men equipped with less knowledge have fallen into complete despair, I have gotten up off of the floor and slowly forged new paths, like a trespassing spider traversing the seemingly endless and mysterious cobwebs of available knowledge.

I have found that on top of taking care of one's health inclusive of a social life, which is a sort of universally needed mission, having too much focus on a singular mission is dangerous for one's emotional health, since moderation is necessary for virtually everything for life; and in mapping out the cobweb, I enhance my probability of solving problems, further discovery, or further mastery, because two pieces of knowledge can be secretly connected in the giant cobweb of universal knowledge leading to that solution, discovery, or mastery.

I've noticed men on the male ask subreddit seem to be using the term "sexual frustration" more lately. While I think you can take care of horniness or sexual frustration pretty easily with masturbation and sex toys, those things can't fully destroy romantic loneliness; it took me years to find way to destroy it without engaging in an actual relationship: meaningful business. Where meaning is found in its greatest amount with consistent focus on health and self-improvement, and an obsession for knowledge or curiosity so great that it can never be perfectly constrained to one mission or goal, and is prone to the sense of meaningful unpredictability, meaningful adventure, or grand adventure for this reason. Its chasing dopamine instead of oxytocin, its discovering and creating, and pursuing these things, and a result of that, its trading action, and sometimes frustration or suffering alongside action, for creative ability and its longstanding implications in shaping history itself. Its childlike and boyish in some sense. The meaning in life that men seem to crave cannot be satiated by women, or any other way, unless they dream and work towards their dreams like nobody ever crushed them.

And beyond romantic loneliness, if you're in a rut in general, you can flank your negative emotions by changing your focus or action, which goes along with living life with a broader collection of passions and dreams. As Anthony Robbins has said, "What you focus on, you feel." To me this quote has become priceless life advice.

Maybe some dreams aren't meant to be fully realized, or realized at all, and certainly constructive criticism can be helpful, or even in some cases, prevent harm, and can leave a blurry line between crushing a dream and supporting the dream, or alternatively, supporting the person behind it. But the lessons, stories, and meaningfulness in discovering one's dreams, and chasing one dreams, can potentially make up for their failure, and maybe even be more valuable in the long run because of that. I certainly failed to write and revise this in 30 minutes, but I don't regret having sight of my limitations or having written it. In closing I leave you with this truth: One mission is not enough, because one adventure is not enough; and even if this truth in man can be obscured, it cannot be destroyed.