Summary: Skipping the anger phase didn't do jack for me.

Body: I’m angry. Finally. Not at the world, for how it works. Not at the people around me, as much as they’ve tried to help me and make me succeed. But finally at myself. Because I am a fat, lazy slob who is scared of success.

I know I have potential. I’m brilliant. I used to be in amazing shape. But I spend my days rotting in front of Netflix or video games waiting for results to happen without putting in the effort. I have work I need to be doing right now but I’m putting it off, like I always do. Time sensitive shit that will be getting harder and harder to do. And yet I’m sitting here typing this. Typical asshat me.

Right now I absolutely detest myself. I do NOTHING. 10-15 pullups over the course of the day will not get me in shape. Convincing myself to do planks and curls and squats and pushups once or twice a week won’t make me a model. And maybe my goals are too far away, too unattainable. I’m 240 lbs right now and I don’t do shit about it.

I have schoolwork to do, for 2 universities. I’m barely getting the work for one done. Too much vidya and porn.

Not once during my unplugging did I get angry. Everything made sense. I know why the person I saw a future with left me. Twice. It fit perfectly. I understood. And I kept lying to myself that I was going to change, that I was going to do what I needed to do.

But I never did. And now I’m fucking pissed.

I’m not happy. I’m content. And that is terrifying to say.

I always thought it wasn’t worth my time to get angry. That pretending to be happy all the time would actually make me happy all the time. I came close and I almost started believing my own facade. Almost.

Now, almost a year after everything went to shit, I finally understand. Men with controlled tempers are blessed. They can use their anger to be productive. Something I haven’t been in a long time.

Change is gonna suck. But I’m finally angry enough to fucking do something about it.

Lessons Learned: Get pissed. Maybe you'll finally get off your ass and do something.