Sometimes, it helps to share your story so that you can relift your shame, accept reality and learn from it. My story is probably a shocking one, and one of the cringiest you've probably ever heard. I know that many redpillers will shame me here, but trust me, I was a 19 year old horny nerd who didn't knew much about the world or women's nature for that matter. About 9 years ago, I met the girl of my dreams and with whom I wanted a future. I was learning Pickup back then, and managed to get one or two potential girls, but she was the one I liked the most and gamed. She also reciprocated my advances and in no time, we started dating. Now, when I met her, she had recently broken up with her ex(first). And that's the biggest red flag I ignored because I didn't knew about it. 6 months later, I caught her texting him and i calmly told her I didn't want to see her speak with him and she agreed to block him. Another 3 months pass and she told me thay she will go visited her friend. I told her no problem. Not knowing it was her ex that would be picking her up and carrying her to her friend. When she returned to school, we started making up in class because no one else was there, and it smelled of a strange scent. One that I never smelled on her; it smelled like dry blood and sweat, but rotten. It was strong to the point I had to hold my breath just a little. She saw my face and that's when she confessed how she met up with her ex and lost her virginity in his vehicle. At that moment, I was frozen in time and I lost my composure. She started crying and explaining herself. We quarreled and I scolded her. It was an awful situation. It even got physical.I took away her phone because I bought it as a gift to her. Over the weekend, I was very devastated and thinking of what I should do. I came to the ultimate conclusion to return the phone and tell her to go with him and leave me. And that's what I did on Monday. She became hysterical and looked for me everywhere. Eventually, she asks to meet up so that she can discuss and deeply apologize. To make a story short, I was a stupid kid and I accepted her back. I rationalize that if I was in the same scenario with a naked woman, I would probably do the same thing, and I wasn't a virgin like she. It hurt really bad and even her close friends told her what she did was fucked up.Now, we lasted 6 to 7 years together. 3 to 4 years of that time was amazing and we had no issues whatsoever. But her ex never stopped bothering her; I have occasionally caught her texting him and it was another confrontation all over again. Eventually, in the fifth year, I found out she met up with him again. She said nothing happened, but  he did try to kiss her. At this point, my heart turned to a complete stone and I stopped caring about her.I stop texting her, i stop carrying her home. Waiting for her and I use protection everytime. The sex turn from passionate to robatic in no time.  But truth be told, I was too attached and emotionally invested to leave. So I decided to get back into the game and meet new girls. By this time, I became red-pilled and I understood why my girl couldn't leave her ex. He was better than me in every way possible. I started cheating but then I met one that  became glued to me. She had very strong morals and values. Plus, she's never been with another guy. So I decided to make her my girlfriend.

Now that I was dating around, my onisis was kind of cured but things fell apart when covid came, and I was forced to bring my first girl to live with me. Here is where I experience Hell on earth. It is the stuff of Redpillers talk about, The true nature of a woman.