Social skills

rebuildingMyself · 2013-07-10T07:47:08+00:00

For god's sake people, he knows that experience is the best teacher. Just give him a book to read for some foundation:

"How to Win Friends and Influence People."

Usherai · 2013-07-10T02:04:12+00:00

Study, observe, implement.

alfredosauce85 · 2013-07-10T11:41:19+00:00

Hey buddy,

I was in your boat, after coming out of a dark place, my social skills were shit but I'm in the process of getting better.

This one exercise made all the difference: Go to a public place (mall, park, public square), give yourself 10 mins to say hi to the first 10 random people you walk by. Dont aim to hold a convo, just say hi, like one of those toddlers you see who says hi to everyone he sees. Don't discriminate who you say hi to, young, old, man, woman, hot, ugly, anyone and everyone that walks past you in a certain radius. Just walk on your path and as they walk past you say hi and keep walking, while maintain eye contact, and a smile. The first 3 people you will be nervous and awkward as fuck. Most people are nice and will at least get a hi back. Worst case scenario you get silence, but who cares within a second they will be behind you. You aren't aiming for a convo, this exercise will help you get over general social anxiety. Once your comfortable with that and feel a bit confident you can repeat the exercise and try to carry a convo, about any random topic (ask for directions, comment about the weather, sports, where did you buy that coat? is that new movie any good?)

The easiest way to sharpen your convo skills though, is start with people you HAVE to interact with on a daily basis, either people at work/school, but preferably customer service/cashiers - as they most likely never met you before, and have no expectation of you as the quiet guy. Just as they're serving you ask them how they are, ask them an opinion (are these sunglasses for women only? should i grow my hair out?) don't freak out if you run out of things to say, as you gain social momentum/confidence things will pop in your head much quicker. And don't worry if people aren't receptive, they are probably just as insecure as you are.

If you were anything like me, you will be a sweating nervous wreck trying to hold yourself together, and that may freak people out, look back at it and laugh at yourself and how awkward you were. After a few disasters you stop caring, because the worse has already happened, not caring, translates into confidence. Once you feel your ready (some people take it slow, other like jumping in the deep end) repeat the public exercises with girls you find attractive. Again you will be really awkward, but learn to celebrate the small wins, your goal at that stage isn't to get a number and pull (yet), just having the balls to go up to her and say hi to people is a victory worth celebrating. and when you've replicated it enough set a new goal, 'hold convo for x minutes..' or get phone number etc..

one word of advise though, socializing isn't like riding a bicycle, you can forget how to if you haven't done it for a while. make sure you're well hydrated so you have the energy to talk to people, be honest with yourself after each interaction, "i was too nervous here, i was too hyper, etc". and be paitent, with practice you'll get it with time.

also i found it really hard to maintain eye contact, i just couldn't do it, until i came across one trick; focus on only one of the other persons eye. it works like a charm. practice not being the first to break eye contact and dont freak them out by staring to much

I'm still working on myself but the difference between myself 6 months ago and now is astounding. Take it slow and let your biggest motivator be you frustration and desire for change.

gardenpronz · 2013-07-10T01:31:33+00:00

Same advice as the others, go outside and talk to people.

Pro move: join a sports team, crossfit gym, martial arts gym, anything physical and group related. Kills 2 birds with 1 stone, easy interaction and conversation building with shared interest and experience.

Nutz76 · 2013-07-10T18:14:23+00:00

I'd go somewhere where I wouldn't have to worry about stories of my hamfisted attempts getting back to me.
Try try try try and try some more. When I finally hit a roadblock then I'd ask someone for help who I know is good with women and socially savvy. Worst case, I'd tag along and watch from afar and study his body language.
Practice proper body language for public speaking. The resource I always go back to for this is Toastmasters.
Read the books How To Win Friends And Influence People and The Game.
Practice practice practice. This means saying hi and making small talk with everyone, rehearsing body language I want to evoke in front of the mirror as if prerparing for a public speech, and so on.
Figure out what my goals are, what my standards are, and what my hobbies and interests are, then screening women on those things.
Network. Make friends with people who have similar interests and high propinquity and build up your social circle.
Play to my strengths. Screen women for similar interests and then invite them to events where I'm at my best (such as events I'm organizing relating to my hobbies and interests) so I'd be the highest status guy in the room, so to speak. For example, if you're interested in art then screen for women who are also into art, then invite those women to an art showing you're putting together. This sort of thing is easier to do that a lot of people think once #7 starts to take shape.

the_letter_P · 2013-07-10T05:08:24+00:00

Learning social skills is one of those rare skills which you can pretty much learn whenever you wants without having go travel somewhere, buy equipment or have to study loads.

It is all a case of making sure you utilize every opportunity to hone your skill. If you're in a shop buying something, ask the cashier how they are doing and make some chat with them. Over time this will start building a habit of making you comfortable talking to people. All you need is a simple "hello, how are you?". As you develop the art of small talk, start adding new social skills on top. Look for opportunities to exercise these skills. Talk to everyone at work, or school or whatever. It is just a case of putting the effort into it.

musicvita25 · 2013-07-10T12:52:51+00:00

TBH I always had great social skills.

It was just womanizing was my issue. School was a bit of a bummer to my confidence.

But see yourself now as pregame Mr TRPEXPLORER and now Postgame TRPEXPLORER

averageredditor123 · 2013-07-10T14:06:12+00:00

If you stop worrying about being polite and just say whatever comes to your mind, you'll improve your social skills dramatically. Of course, there is a limit to what you can get away with. But most people can get away with a lot more than what they currently say.

theitalianstallion76 · 2013-07-10T01:13:55+00:00

Not to be a dick, but go outside and talk to people.

md619 · 2013-07-10T02:07:21+00:00

"Resources" will only get you so far, it isn't an acedemic exercise. You need actual practice more than anything. Besides, most of the shit you read will just teach you how to be a beta people pleaser. Granted, that's better than nothing, but I wouldn't shoot for it as an end goal.

favours_of_the_moon · 2013-07-10T03:50:46+00:00

Kamikaze night.

Ossuari · 2013-07-10T06:52:12+00:00

R/seduction if you want to

Just try to build from the start i think you have some of the social skills but you just need to refine it. Practice everyday

2013-07-10T12:23:05+00:00

Not a social skill, but something I used to improve confidence when I started first learning game was to make eye contact with strangers when walking around town, and not being the first to look away. Obviously, don't be confrontational about it, smile even, but don't look away first. You'll find you usually get a nod or a smile back, and it also helps with body language and keeping eye contact when talking to people. Do it for a week and you'll notice a massive difference in confidence. Any psychological trick you can use on yourself helps. It's something you can do that's kind of like training wheels, you should feel more confident without having talking to anyone, and when you do, you're much more relaxed.

troubadour1492 · 2013-07-10T13:15:28+00:00

The best thing I ever did for my social skills was getting a job at Walmart. It was a great way to get out there in the world and figure out the whole social interaction thing by the seat of my pants. I tried clubs and bands and classes and civic organizations before that, and nothing really helped, but retail did the trick for me.

2013-07-10T14:17:04+00:00

Also, download a copy of "Day Bang". While it was written as a pickup guide, it's actually an excellent instruction manual for striking up casual conversations with any strangers. (And getting dates, if that's relevant to your interests...)

Title	Social skills
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	26
Date	July 10, 2013 1:11 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1hz532/social_skills/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/social-skills.5411 https://theredarchive.com/post/5411

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