I have been slightly active on here and wanted to share my post I made on my personal blog. I would love to hear what others here have to say. I am well aware that some of what I have in here goes against current popular opinion. Just for background I am someone that wants to get married (with a pre-nup) and have a family one day.

I have briefly touched on some dating related posts here in the past and this one is an in-depth look at some conclusions that I have arrived at through online reading, personal experiences, and books. I am sure I will have some more changes as this is a constantly ongoing learning process for myself and once I do you can expect another post in the future.

Some of you may or may not have known, but I have been a part of the Red Pill community on Reddit for over a year now. I started out when a friend turned me on to it when he saw my relationships failing for one reason or another. I want to preface this by saying that I do NOT subscribe to a few things that the current iteration of The Red Pill seems to be advocating (no marriage, AWALT, no LTR's, and really anything related to long-term commitment and beliefs that all women are "unfaithful sluts").

I typically tend to be what is called a "serial monogamist" in that I prefer to date only one person at a time. When I left my last long term relationship I decided to change things up and meet many women at the same time and date them at the same time. I was upfront with my intentions with all of them and everyone was on the same page. I eventually though got tired of the time, effort, and lack of stability that came with dating multiple people. But I can honestly say that now I know I am the most satisfied dating only one person. I have not had the best track record with women in the past ranging from women that have had histories of abuse, women that were (in general) immature, cheaters, and just generally drama filled. I turned to The Red Pill community for a change and it helped me out immensely to figure out why I was attracting these types of people and what I needed to do to make sure I am properly screening the women that I let into my life.

My take away from The Red Pill and other resources (see Recommended Reading at the end) is that in order for a relationship to be successful and for BOTH people to be happy there have to be certain things in place. Here is a little list that I will elaborate on:

You need to have goals and actively pursuing them

  • Once you get in a relationship you cannot shift your focus from your goals
  • Be direct in what you want and address issues when they arise
  • Do not put up with unnecessary drama
  • Thoroughly screen your women for red flags
  • Your frame of mind must remain stable and not falter
  • How you view women determines the type of women you will attract
  • Eat healthy, lift, and take care of yourself (physically and appearance)
  • Men need to be men and women need to be women
  • You and Your Goals

Having goals and working towards them gives you the motivation to better yourself. These things are what make us happy and sometimes money. Having goals and working towards them shows that you can handle yourself and that you have a purpose for yourself. These goals are not be something that you are doing just to try and get women interested in you. Unfortunately as men without an identity we don't mean anything to anyone. Our identity is comprised of our hobbies, jobs, interests, and beliefs. Just being yourself is not enough as a man, whereas a woman is called a woman by birth a man becomes a man through his efforts, successes, and failures through life. Most men don't really care if a woman is successful or what goals she has. Most men just want a woman that is loyal, caring, and feminine. However, a man must have something to define him and establish his value to society. For example; CEO, Electrician, Accountant, MMA instructor, etc. Without something to define us we are nothing. Having goals gives you purpose in life and something to strive for, it gives you a sense of identity.

Losing Focus (AKA "Falling into a Vagina")

The big mistake that a lot of men make (myself included in the past) is that when they find a woman that they want to invest their time in everything else falls by the wayside. Instead of taking a few hours at night to work on their projects they instead may go out to a bar with their woman or stay in to watch a movie with her. While these things are great and beneficial to building and strengthening a relationship when they are done to excess it not only makes you lazy but it will make her lose interest. Her interest will start declining because it shows her that your goals are not more important than her. A woman wants to feel important in your life, but she must NOT be the most important thing in your life. Once this happens and it becomes the norm she will lose her desire and respect for you, consequently she will end up leaving you and/or the relationship will fall apart.

Be Upfront With What You Want and Address Deficits

Some things I see with a lot of couples is that the men constantly give in to whatever their woman wants. However do not take this as a lack of compromise. For example, if your woman tries to keep you from going out and spending time with your other friends and you constantly give in to her instead of going out with them it shows you are weak. This is just one thing, but it can be applied to many other things (sex, hobbies, gym time, etc). Be up front with what YOU want in a relationship so there is no guessing on her part. This segways into the 2nd part of this point and that is addressing issues. If you are noticing that you are not going out as much as you like or not having sex as much as you like you need to talk to your woman and explain to her that these things are important to you. Do NOT let her make you feel bad and/or guilty for wanting to have your needs met. Do understand however that she is not required to meet your needs and must want to on her own. Remember, you always have the option to walk away and find someone else out there that will want to meet them for you if she does not want to.

Drama AKA "Shit Tests"

At some point in a relationship, typically more in the beginning, your woman will "test" you. There is a multitude of ways that your woman may test you and it varies from person to person. The important thing to remember is that you defuse them or "pass" them. When a woman "tests" she is looking to see if you are going to just lie down and take it or if you will stand up for yourself and point out how ridiculous she is being. The best way to diffuse them is the "agree and amplify approach", and it's a lot of fun to be honest. A simple example is if she says something like "You never listen to me" just reply with something along the lines of "What? Sorry, I thought you wanted a boyfriend not a court reporter". If you want to read more in-depth on shit tests this is a good resource: Compendium Of Female Super Shit Tests.

It is important to know that the more mature she is and the more she respects you the less she will test you.

"Red Flags"

Instead of re-iterating them just read these lists. They are quite solid and what I refer to when screening my women:

Holding Your "Frame"

I talked about having goals and passing the "shit tests" and this ties directly into it. Holding your frame is executing these things consistently throughout your life, and not just in a relationship or with women. If you are consistently inconsistent with how you behave and act this portrays that you do not know how to handle yourself. If you are going from being confident and cocky to submissive and quiet all the time this just creates confusion not just for others but for yourself. You must stay true to how you are as much as you can. We all have our slip ups but recovering quickly and correcting yourself is what is important.

Your Views Determine Who You Attract

In this section I am going to briefly touch on "AWALT", short for All Women Are Like That. This is where I believe the current generation that The Red Pill is in gets things wrong. AWALT to them means that all women have the inherent programming to cheat and desire to "trade up" at any given time. While I believe that this can be true for most younger women that are not mature enough yet this is not true for women that are serious about finding a stable relationship. You can go on to The Red Pill at any given day and see posts about women cheating on their boyfriends all the time. The problem here is that if you go out and seek out women with this mentality as your primary view all you are going to attract is women that will fit that profile. A woman that is actually good and loyal will be immediately turned away from you when she feels that view from you whereas a woman that is actually like that will not since she is like that. Simply put if you think all women are sluts/cheaters then all you will find is that. If you think all women are inherently trustworthy/loyal them you will have a better chance at finding that.

Now I am not saying that you should just blatantly ignore a suspicion that your woman is being unfaithful but I am saying to keep a neutral or positive view that women are inherently loyal and good. You need to realize that the environment where you meet women is a good factor in determining what kind of woman they are. This means that the chances of you picking up a woman that is a cheater/slut is higher at a place like a club where promiscuous behavior is more acceptable whereas picking up a woman in a more professional or mature setting will have better chances of finding someone that is loyal/serious.

Take Care of Yourself and Look Good

The first things you will see when men are looking to get a woman is that other men will tell them to hit the gym and lift. The reason for this is that not only is it obviously better for you health wise but becoming more fit makes you feel better, more confident, and attractive. What woman wants a man that has unkempt hair, baggy clothes, bad hygiene, and has an extra 100lbs on them? Women do not date "down", they date equally or up. Again like I said before you must be doing this for YOU not just for the sake of picking up women. No matter what anyone tells you appearance does matter, hit the gym and dress well.

Everyone Has Their Roles

This is probably one of the most important things in my opinion in terms of being in a relationship, especially one that is long term and moving towards marriage. Men by nature are stronger, more aggressive, and take more risks than women. Women by nature are more compassionate, caring, and weaker than men. No matter what feminists tell you and other people tell you this is how we are wired. Mascualinity attracts feminity and vice versa. If you want a relationship to work the man must act like a man and a woman must act like a woman. Women want a strong man that will protect them and make hard decisions. A woman must feel protected and cared for in her relationship to be happy. Remember about the shit tests? This is how she tests your strength. If you can't stand up to her how and you stand up to someone else that threatens her? If you aren't in shape how are you going to physically protect her and provide for her (as in being around and not dying from a heart attack)?

I am more traditional in my views in terms of how things should be in a traditional LTR or marriage where the woman is at home and not working full time (aka the breadwinner). I believe that the man should be the head of the household and be responsible for the difficult/big decisions. I do take input and discuss things with my partner but when a consensus cannot be reached I will be the one that makes the final decision. I want my woman to want to do the traditional "feminine" things around the home like dishes, laundry, cooking, raising the children, etc and I want to be the one responsible for the more traditional "masculine" things around the home like repairs, maintaining the vehicles, moving heavy things, planning dates and vacations, being the "breadwinner", etc. This does NOT mean like most feminists would like you to believe that I see my woman as "beneath me". In fact, it is the opposite. The easiest way to sum it up is I am the King and she is my Queen, we treat each other as such. If she tends to the responsibilities I want her to tend to I will tend to my responsibilities and make sure she is happy and taken care of emotionally and financially. Even now in my relationship where we both make equal amounts financially we have divided up the responsibilities between both of us and they fall into the traditional male/female gender roles. Guess what? We both are very happy with it that way.

The AWALT Myth

After going over all these points I feel it's important to tie most of them in and talk about what The Red Pill calls AWALT (All Women Are Like That). When I first started getting into The Red Pill I seriously started believing this. While I did meet a lot of women that fit the stereotype that is purported on there I met a few actually good women, one of which I am dating now. I myself have been personally cheated on numerous times and having had that happen does make it harder to trust women in the future. This is why screening your women is important because it can help you to avoid winding up with someone that is just going to use you as an ATM and then have sex with someone else on the side.

However just as easily as women can cheat men can too. The thing people need to realize that in a healthy and happy relationship where all the needs are being met of both people there is no reason to go outside the relationship to try and get these needs met. In a relationship men typically need more physical intimacy (sex, cuddling, etc) and women need the emotional support. If a man's needs are being met from his woman and he is in turn making sure she is feeling fulfilled emotionally then there is a much lower chance of anyone straying. When people are happy with their partners and other people come along trying to get in between them the risk of cheating happening is very low because they do not want to risk the relationship. The risk for cheating goes up however when the relationship is in an unhappy state because it then doesn't mean as much to them and losing doesn't seem so bad.

My point is that it is your responsibility to take charge and make sure that you are happy and fixing issues that are getting in the way of both of you being happy. This means talking to your girlfriend/fiancee/wife if you are not having enough sex or the sex is unfulfilling and coming up with a plan to figure out why it's not happening as often or why she isn't into it. This means girlfriend/fiancee/wife needs to speak up and tell you that shes not getting the emotional support she needs from you and finding a way to fix it. Making sure you are fulfilling your role as a man and her fulfilling her role as a woman is also very important to keeping things healthy and happy.

Closing Thoughts

Even though this post was long there are far more things that go into being happy with yourself, finidng the right woman, and maintaining a healthy relationship. I hope this has been beneficial to some and I have a a few books that I would recommend you read to get a better understanding on this all. I can say that making these changes has made myself world more happier and satisified than I have been in my entire life. I am very happy that I have found a woman that I can be myself and a man with so that I do not have to pretend to be something I am not just to keep her around. If you think otherwise and want to turn a blind eye to this advice enjoy being a Blue Pill getting stuck with a feminazi that will just use you as an ATM and only put out just to keep up the sex quota while fucking your fit friend on the side. I'm going to enjoy living my life feeling fulfilled, satisfied, and being the best man I can be for myself and my woman.

Recommended Reading (Search on Amazon)

  • Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
  • No More Mr. Nice Guy
  • The Rational Male
  • The Way of the Superior Man
  • The Way of Men