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[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 12 points13 points14 points 10 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
Bullshit, and here's why:
twist his words to start an argument. I didn't do it just because I have lady brains. I did it for a reason, he is possessive/abusive in the making and I could see signs.
So end the relationship.
. I was trying to force his bad side out. He was very loving and caring, but I'd pick up on signs that could become sinister in the future
Everyone has a good and a bad side. Just because you think he could potentially be bad in future doesn't make him a bad person. What you are talking about is called "self fulfilling prophecy".
Imagine if I'm injured in a car accident, and my partner is too busy trying to find an all-female
The hamster begins...
My point is: some shit tests are necessary to avoid being in the wrong relationship.
full on hamster warpdrive. "It's necessary to be female because err... errr ....errr... because men!"
[–]makeway89 -4 points-3 points-2 points 10 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
I did end it when I confirmed my suspicions. He hides it very well and frames it as "I'm over-protective because I love you". I needed to push his boundaries to make sure I'm not walking into a disaster.
Yes everyone has a good side and bad side, but if you ask people who are in abusive relationships about how their partner was at the beginning you'll find that there are a few common red flags. I'd rather shit test him and have all those arguments now, than have them when we are married with children.
Last sentence didn't make sense. Even you 'red-pillers' read women and look for red flags. Nowhere in my post did I blame men. I'm just saying it's good to be thorough when evaluating your partner.
[–]TRP_Lee_zard 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This is the problem, you wanted to be sure before ending it - and if you push enough buttons everyone will break eventually.
Shit tests are meant to display how much guy can handle - shit test are necessary FOR YOU, just to cover your ass in case something goes south, so you can reject the responsibility of the relationship.
If you see any red flags (shit tests are not needed for this) a person should end the relationship just based on the flags - but you need confirmation that what you are doing is "right".
[–]makeway89 -5 points-4 points-3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What's wrong with needing confirmation that what I'm doing is right? Can't help wanting that. But I guess you're right, I could have ended it a long time ago without all those arguments about hypothetical scenarios I conjured up. I just felt silly breaking up with him for a reason like "he doesn't want me to wear a shirt with print on the boob area". I just wanted to get inside his head and confirm that his possessiveness has indeed grown exponentially since we started dating. Next time, I'll cut the crap and trust my gut.
[–]WolfenSatyr 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You made your decision when you started provoking the bad side. What you did was akin to kicking a sleeping dog to see if it would bite.
[–]AdFreeTheProductIsU 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What's wrong with needing confirmation that what I'm doing is right? Can't help wanting that. But I guess you're right
End of attention thread.
[–]edwardhwhite 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Why not directly discuss it. That way you don't end up driving a good one away. What good is shit testing like this if it either confirms your suspicions or drives the one's you want to keep away?
[–]makeway89 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't know, it's something learned I guess. It's not something we do consciously or on purpose. I didn't even know other women did it until I read this sub.
[–]edwardhwhite 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You are socialized to do it, and it might even be instinctual. I have noticed in my 47 years that a lot of women don't pay attention to the damage they do to their relationship with shit tests until it is too late and they are scrambling to get the guy back. Don't be that woman.
[–]CoriolanusRevisited 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He hides it very well and frames it as "I'm over-protective because I love you".
This is as hardcore blue pill of reasoning as you can get. It really is. Your belief of anything to the contrary truly belies your lack of knowledge and understanding of what "red pill sexual strategy" entails.
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I'm just saying it's good to be thorough when evaluating your partner.
Classic mott-and-bailey attack. It starts with "some shit tests are necessary!" which is bullshit, and ends with "it's good to evaluate your partner", which noone can disagree with. Thanks for the RP example.
Back to your original point: shit tests are weak and dumb and in a bizarre way, you're trying to get the man to make your decisions for you. Women do the shit testing, but then follow what the man does anyway (ie a man holds frame despite shit testing, woman then follows).
It's bizarre and pathetic but I'll say one thing in its favour: it proves how little attention a man should pay to what a woman says.
[–][deleted] 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup, exactly. They're still shit though.
[–]makeway89 -5 points-4 points-3 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Well actually when I do these so-called shit tests I want him to react in a way that is appropriate. I don't want him to take the lead and go rogue with it. If I'm upset or concerned about something, I want him to address that concern because sometimes its a valid concern. It's a chance for him to correct a mistake. I acknowledge that sometimes we pick unnecessary fights but that's why the title says "some" not all.
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
haha wow.
This has gone from "shit tests" (your original wording) to "so-called shit tests" (your current wording). And now you're phrasing it as a perfectly normal discussion, which everyone would agree is fine and normal and good.
This is a completely different position from your original post which you titled "some shit tests are necessary".
And this is why I like arguing with women online - they can't backtrack from the things they've already said, and they can't obfuscate, change the subject and claim they said something different to what was originally said.
[–]makeway89 -3 points-2 points-1 points 10 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
So you decided to ignore the content and focus on the wording? Great way to get out of having to admit that even when a man is being shit-tested he still has to pay attention to what she's saying. Sometimes she's being irrational and you have to pay attention so you put her in her place, sometimes she's putting you through hoops to see how you'll do because there is a valid concern in which case you should also pay attention ( this is what I mean by so-called shit test, because its not an irrational test even though the method is pretty annoying and sneaky). Why don't you try having less keyboard rage and actually engage in this conversation? You sound like women who always want to be right.
[–]Ali_s1987 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You don't deliberately piss off someone to see how they react. That is just such a repulsive and abusive thing to do. It's amazing that you don't see it yourself. You don't think deliberately poking some one to the point where they would snap as abusive just because you had a hunch that he has a bad side? You said it yourself....he was a loving and caring person. And yet your "lady brains" thought to provoke and goad him so you could justify your breaking up with him?
Imagine the guy just sitting there and watching TV or lying in bed relaxed with his gf thinking he is spending quality time with her and his gf thinks.....oh let me shit test him to see if I can make him into an abusive and possesive jackass which I think he can be. YOU don't think that's abusive? To ruin another person's day who is loving and caring towards you? That you deliberately did something to ruin his mood and day because of some fucked up mentality you had? You were abusive towards him.
And newsflash for you. Everyone can be possesive towards the person they love. I mean for fuck sake a child will get possesive of his mother if he sees the mother give more attention to another sibling. A dog will get possesive and jelous if he sees it's master paying more attention to another dog. If your ex didn't give a shit about you and only considered u a plate he wouldn't give a fuck bout what you are doing or who you are doing it with.
"Imagine if I'm injured in a car accident, and my partner is too busy trying to find an all-female hospital than he is with my well-being. Imagine how he'd be as controlling towards our daughters' clothing as he was with mine and she gets so suffocated that we push her away.." Imagine imagine imagine........that is the hamster spinning. Did you TALK to him about any of this stuff like mature adults in loving relationships do? Or did you just make up your mind by emotionally abusing him by relentlessly shit testing day in and day out. Thank god the guy got away. Hopefully now he can find a girl who talks to him and works with him to get over his insecurities and not someone as abusive as you.
[–]makeway89 1 points1 points1 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
1 - Well ok. I'll save this comment and keep it close so that I don't abuse the next person I'm with. That is if I ever manage to get over this relationship. So thanks for this rant. Appreciate it.
2- I didn't conjure up my concerns out of thin air. He really was becoming suffocating. It started with telling me not to wear a skirt which I was happy to oblige with, then moved on to longer skirts. Suddenly he was lobbying for long shirt over jeans. The more I compromised and let him take the lead, the more controlling he became. So this whole "let your man take the lead" doesn't always work. Sometimes it lands you in a burqa :) I now understand that if he were an alpha male he wouldn't have done this and I should have just let go years ago.
3- Yes I did talk about all these concerns of mine after I noticed that I was becoming irritating with my games and emotionally abusive tactics. I tried my best to convince him that he can't control every situation I'm in and that it's useless. He can't help it. So good luck to the next girl.
[–]Ali_s1987 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
1."twisting his words to start an argument." 2."he is possessive/abusive in the making and I could see signs. " 3."I'd pick up on signs that could become sinister in the future."
You were emotionally abusive because of signs that he might be abusive in the future. The only thing you told us about him was that he was loving and caring and possesive and that their were signs that he might be abusive to some1 in the future who is already abusive towards him at the moment because their were signs.
And thanks for disregarding my entire first post as a rant and saying "I'll save this comment and keep it close so that I don't abuse the next person I'm with." And then going around and saying "I noticed that I was becoming irritating with my games and emotionally abusive tactics." You were abusive. Accept that.
It's his part of the story I'm interested in. Here at TRP we like to analyze situations why some one is behaving a certain way. Why didn't he want you to meet male doctors. Why was he with an emotionally abusive person. What games were you playing that he was acting that way. Why did he try to control the clothes you were wearing. Maybe he was a beta with serious trust issues and other problems and you were right to break up with him. But the way you explain the situation and throw the burqa statement in and only give certain details to suit the narrative that you are projecting makes me wonder if your words can be trusted.
[–]makeway890 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I didn't disregard your comment. I'm serious about it. I know that I'm emotionally abusive and I'll keep your comment in mind so I can stop doing it to people. I don't mind if you don't trust my words. It's anonymous here and I've got nothing to prove. His logic basically goes like this: if there is a bad situation that can be avoided, it should be. If there is a remote chance that I might be harassed on the street because I'm wearing jeans and T-shirt, then I should have done more to cover myself. If there's a chance I might be abducted on my way to the coffee shop, then I shouldn't go. Since that chance is very low then I can go but I must be careful by texting him before I leave and after I get there. His whole thinking is about minimizing the chance of something going wrong to avoid regret later on. The more he loved me, the more intense it got which led to me suffocating and becoming resentful and annoying.
[–]CoriolanusRevisited 1 points1 points1 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
For example, he used to express concern if my doctors are male and he'd be more concerned about me being examined by man than my actual health.
You don't understand what a shit test is, and he had no clue what being a self-actualized masculine male is. If you understood the former, you would know a shit test is not what logically follows from the situation at hand that you described. If he knew the latter, he would have no qualms about a male doctor examining you in terms of sexual strategy.
In other words, do not pass go, do not collect $200, and lurk more.
[+]makeway89 -7 points-6 points-5 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I thought shit tests are ways to drag a man into an argument by inferring things and twisting his words. Am I wrong or just projecting my issues on to this sub?
You are assuming the forest for the trees. Quite a few shit tests involve dragging someone into the mud for an argument, but that is not the purpose for it. A shit test is designed to test someone's frame, no more and no less. This could involve a myriad of things, and does not necessarily involve overt confrontation to the degree that you think necessary.
[–]Kalikoenig 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Shit test example with a pass and a fail response:
Example 1: (Failed Shit Test)
makeway89: you are going to choose my doctor? you're such a douche bag.
Boyfriend: why the fuck are you calling me a douche bag? rabble rabble rabble here is why you are wrong rabble rabble (followed by an argument and your panties turning dry)
Example 2: (Passed Shit Test)
Boyfriend: why thank you. you're the 3rd person today to call me a douche. (followed by a subtle smirk by him and then you pausing for a moment and cracking a smile and playfully punching him)
A shit test is you saying something as a subconscious test of his frame. He either gets butt hurt and you lose a bit of attraction towards him or he let's it roll off his back and truly doesn't get affected by your words. Women want a man who can go out into the wild and be who he is and accomplish what he needs to accomplish. If he gets sad and angry every time somebody hurts his poor little feelings... what kind of a man is that? This is what a shit test is intended for, even though it's your subconscious doing the test.
[–]makeway89 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Aha. How about something like this? Does this count as a shit-test?
During an argument in the car I cry and give him the silent treatment. He asks if he should drop me off since we're not talking and I get even more upset that he would be willing to drop me off home without having made up. I continue to wonder if he would be willing to let us be angry with each other for days after we're married.
He apologizes and I become more comfortable with my tantrum and carry on for another 30 minutes then finally make up with him. I've unwittingly emasculated him by watching him being emotionally abused.
His correct action should have been to drop me off while I'm angry so that I learn not give the silent treatment.
[–]Kalikoenig 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I believe your analysis is spot on.
Only thing to add is that shit tests are designed to subconsciously test ones ability to be a man and maintain frame. They are not designed to test ones ability to be a good father or a good partner. That part is a conscious effort for you to figure out by getting to know him and not testing him.
[–]hebola4lyfe 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah you dont know what shit test means. Lurk more.
[–]sir_wankalot_here 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
More like you don't. Animals shit test. Everyone shit tests. Your first day in prison is a shit test, if you fail you will end up someome's bitch for the rest of your time.
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[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 12 points13 points14 points (18 children) | Copy Link
[–]makeway89 -4 points-3 points-2 points (17 children) | Copy Link
[–]TRP_Lee_zard 4 points5 points6 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]makeway89 -5 points-4 points-3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]WolfenSatyr 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AdFreeTheProductIsU 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]edwardhwhite 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]makeway89 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]edwardhwhite 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CoriolanusRevisited 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon -1 points0 points1 point (8 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]makeway89 -5 points-4 points-3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]makeway89 -3 points-2 points-1 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Ali_s1987 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]makeway89 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]Ali_s1987 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]makeway890 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]CoriolanusRevisited 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[+]makeway89 -7 points-6 points-5 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]CoriolanusRevisited 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kalikoenig 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]makeway89 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Kalikoenig 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hebola4lyfe 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]sir_wankalot_here 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link