The case for "deadbeat dads."

This is going to be an understandably unpopular post both here, and outside this sub. But it's taken me a long time to wrap my head around this and be able to offer up what I think is some needed new content, even if it is controversial. This post will not address married life, married TRP etc. This is in relation to the dynamics of economic substitution in terms of "being a father." Or what we call hyper-fucking-gamy. This post, strictly in relation to being a father and it's hypergamous implications.

Here at TRP, there is a lot of discussion around shaming, and how it is used to extract resources out of men, be it time, money or other resources. We are used to hearing the words man up.

One of the places you are most likely to hear this, is in regards to being a father.

I am in a position where I am with a woman who makes a considerable amount more than I do, so that has allowed me to explore the depths of what makes AF\AB and BB in terms of fatherhood. I have been put into some shit situations and can finally say I have all the opinions I'm going to have in terms of family kids and women for the rest of my life. And I'm pretty certain what I'm about to say is going to ruin a lot of people's days here.

My observations seem to show these points as being true

Being a good father is more important than being a good earner.

This would seem self explanatory, but in a way it's not. There is of course a heavy emphasis placed on masculine polarity. This of course, extends into the household. But there is a large problem here.

When you apply masculine separation, you leave yourself vulnerable strictly to the mechanisms of attraction, and commoditize yourself as a father.

Now this is a tough pill to swallow. What does it mean to be commoditized in this case? What I mean here, is if you're entirely focused on attraction and making ends meet, a lot of times, you'll find both of yourselves operating independently of each other. What you're doing at this point, can be considered a high level of coparenting. This is of course, the traditional way, to raise a family. But this isn't a tradcon discussion, I want to address the economic substitution theory here.

I personally consider TradCon to be wholly incompatible with modern laws, entirely too risky, although I think many of us wish it could be that way. Again, not that discussion. We're assuming here you're in a dual income household.

If you are, their father and not a great father you are, as I said, strictly subject to the AF\BB dynamic. And as many in MRP will tell you, it's TRP on nightmare. The truth of the matter is that there are hoards of guys that will be their father. But only you know the truth, she doesn't. She doesn't understand the implications of replacing you, because you have commoditized yourself by not providing an irreplaceable part of their lives.

The moment you lose attraction, if you are not an integral, and irreplaceable part of their lives, you are fuckin' gone buddy. Because you are, not integral, and replaceable.

Now, I do have trouble believing that all women are willing to sacrifice their families, if their family life is properly sorted, due to attraction issues. But this post is written for the type of women, that are hypergamous enough to blow up their family. I've been toiling with one for a while now, and have made the decision that my involvement with our children is binary, and that decision will not play out in a court.

So my advice, for those that will have kids, you need to lay some groundwork here.

The first, is that she absolutely must make as much or more than you. This is critical because if shit starts to hit the fan, she needs to feel the pain, see what it's going to cost if she decides she wants to play court. In my experience, women are not used to being treated like men, and most courts, will treat women like men, if you are careful enough and have a good lawyer.

But how did I even get myself into the position where I had to start using that hammer?

I focused on earning for my family (what an idiot! /s) and not building my family. There are literally millions of slubs that would do what I did. It's the right thing to do! No, no it wasn't. I needed to focus on attraction and family first.

The second error I made, and the topic of this discussion, is that I offered myself as being available to these children no matter what. After giving this a lot of thought, I realized this violated some tenets of TRP and recognized that I had created another problem as well.

You want to be their for your kids no matter what, just like you want to bring home a paycheck no matter what, just like you want to demonstrate your undying loyalty... wait just a god damn minute...

Fuck.

And that's when I realized that this would just another variation of "don't worry mah lady!" Dad is marriage 2.0s mega orbiter. You better give that kid your resources, long after she's given hers, or else... you fucking deadbeat piece of shit!

Now don't get me wrong here, there are plenty of guys skipping out on kids that are ruining lives on levels many can't even comprehend. This post isn't targeted at those losers.

This post is targeted at the guys that want to keep their families together and don't want to get milked.

What I'm advocating here is two things.

1. A PFA, or pre-frame-announcement. This is something women do early on in a relationship to cover their ass that a lot of guys from PUA are aware of. When a woman says "I make a terrible girlfriend" she'll say "I told you so" after she fucked your biological and stepdad... and your step mom. Your version of this is when "the talk" comes for kids, that you agree to this only under the guise of "all in, or all out, no courts, no cheating, breakups, not putting out or getting fat."

Now of course, everyone on here knows what's going to happen. She's going to cheat, breakup, get fat or stop putting out. But in that moment, she can't imagine that, she is of course a woman. But she's also a child, which is why...

2) Just as your foot is out the door in a relationship, so is it, with your family when the relationship dictates it.

Your family, it turns out, needs levels of dread as well if a woman is hypergamous enough, but again, this requires your dad-game to be superb.

Because if you are a rockstar of a dad, you really can't be replaced. Even billy beta won't be 60% of what you are, and she knows that. She knows she can get "a dad" just not "a great dad." That is, mostly impossible unless she's a 9\10. And if she's an 8, maybe only with A TON going for her and the guy is going to fucking SUCK.

The purpose of this setup is two parts. The first is to establish ground rules, and these are rules you should repeat and reinforce to the child (her). You should bring this up early and often, then chill it. And bring it out when things get sideways.

Remind her of your agreement and whether or not she wants to be a single mother. You must emphasize you're not going to play the court game.

Now when or if she starts cheating, getting fat etc, you have the PFA to start emotional blackmailing the daylights out of her.

This is what I didn't expect. I didn't expect that this would actually work and change her behavior. And I had to think long and hard why it worked.

Would chad ever play best coparent dad? No, fuck no.

And why not?

Because coparenting is being an orbiter.

Get your shit in order woman or I am fucking out of here, remember that talk we had about not handling this in court?

You're smart, right? Good.

This post is written by a guy that did everything he could under what could be considered rational, sane or appropriate to save my family, which ultimately I was only able to do when I removed the disincentive that was unconditional paternal investment.

Like all things with women, it must be conditional. And from a legal perspective, you'll need to cover your ass by her having equal or greater income, and you letting her know you're judge, jury and executioner.

If you decide you don't in fact want to chop this bitches head off, at least you won't be put through the CS wringer. Just be careful about when you talk about the hot stuff and start the pressure cooker. Away from her phone and get a good lawyer.

Anyways, this post is made in defense of guys that really did everything they could but they were never enough. I get it now, they aren't deadbeats, they're just guys that had enough. Some of those other guys had enough, they didn't leave their kids, they shot themselves.

Chad wouldn't let her fuck you over, don't let her.