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[–]5 Endorsed ContributorStayinghereforreal37 points38 points39 points 12 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
tl:dr version: all women everywhere want a man who--when that man accompanies them to prom, work functions, class reunions, weddings, whatever--induces mate-envy in other women.
You are always and every time judged by your woman largely in terms of how much other women will wish you were their man.
[–]sadshark3 points4 points5 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So basically: preselection. I always felt like preselecrion conquers all other aspetcs related to female emotions. Are you broke but have a shit ton of women? More women will want you. Are you a not so clean drug dealer but fuck chicks in exchange for.deugs? Other women will want you more... And so on. Preselection is absolutely the most important thing when it comes to attraction. Now, in order to have preselection you first have to attract women through other means, thats whre RP comes into play.
[–]Retsaot3513 points14 points15 points 12 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Conversely, when I bring my girlfriend to a social function, I want my male acquaintances to think "Man, that girl's ugly. He can do so much better".
-_-
[–]fiat_lux_-1 points0 points1 point 12 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I think it has a lot to do with standards. Putting aside LTRs for now, men's standards for women are stereotypically lower than the reverse. This is supported by various online dating stats, e.g. OKC's article which shows a graph comparing women's highly right-skewed appraisal of men vs the actual normalized curve; they really do believe 80% of men are below average... vs men whose appraisals were much closer to reality.
as well as conventional wisdom: men just caring for physical fitness and beauty vs women needing to be pickier and having high standards not only on physical fitness and beauty, but wealth, social status, emotional fitness, etc. There is nothing wrong with that, and it makes sense from a biological perspective as they've had more to risk going into a relationship (e.g. child-bearing).
Some of the more radical feminists will deny the existence of hypergamy, and the classic way to do so is to change the definition or use special definitions. The common understanding and the way we're defining it is as thus: "Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as "marrying up") is the act or practice of marrying someone of higher caste or status than oneself.[1] Although the term is not gendered, it is generally used by social scientists to refer to women marrying higher-status men, rather than to men marrying higher-status women.[2]" (from Wiki's article on the matter.)
And this does exist. The vast majority of studies/polls conducted show that men don't care nearly as much for a woman's income/social status as the reverse.
This isn't exclusive to North America. It is well-known in the largest developed/developing countries in the world. It actually becomes even more obvious in some other countries. E.g. In China, there are entire bachelor villages that are almost devoid of women of marriageable age. The gender imbalance in that country are significant but don't do enough to explain it alone. Where are the bachelorette villages? In many Japanese villages, there are filipina wives groups who still talk to each other in tagalog and have only barely learned Japanese. Where are the groups of imported filipino husbands? Where are all the mail-order husbands in the West? There are enough wealthy single women that the explainable economic gap alone doesn't account for the huge discrepancy anymore.
There are good economic, psychological, sociological, evolutionary rationalizations for each case, but regardless of the reasons it's generally the case that women experience more upwards social mobility in the realm of marriage/relationships.
[–]Retsaot350 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sure, I'm not denying that. I just don't quite get what's supposed to be so world-shattering about it. Women tend to marry up because men, by comparison, aren't very concerned about the status of their mates, and are less driven to pursue it. I bet men are much more likely to marry individuals who are objectively more attractive than they are. That's what's important to them... so that's where they aim higher.
Moreover, As a male, I'm not only not driven by a girl's career status... I am particularly driven to girls who are not career oriented. Why? Because on top of physical attraction, the decision to marry would have a lot to do with expectations of what married life would be like... and what the nature of the relationship would be. If I were to marry, it would be largely for the sake of 'starting a family', and I would expect my spouse to be dedicated to raising our children and all of that, and to be able to provide for my well-being in areas other than income. I want certain roles fulfilled, so I would seek a girl with the capacity and orientation to fulfill them. Equally, women generally look for someone capable of providing for them financially... so they go for successful guys.
[–]fiat_lux_0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So you actually do agree there's a difference between the colloquially understood hypergamy vs this male version you were pushing? Well then I misunderstood. Your first comment made you appear combative.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
didn't you know the jealousy they extract out of their "friends" sustains them
[–]Ethan4716 points17 points18 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
From the comments
I’m waiting for someone to acknowledge that men also engage in a form of hypergamy in the sense that we’re looking for the younger/better looking woman. Granted it’s a bit different as men are willing to settle for sex now while looking for the better looking women and would add the new conquest to a harem if possible.
This guy doesn't get it. Men seek other women to add to as plates, hence the notion of a harem. One quality woman does not take the place of another, and instead adds to your experience. But never underestimate a woman's ability to completely replace you and put you out of her mind. That is hypergamy and the cornerstone to their sexual strategy.
[–]gopher_glitz4 points5 points6 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Why should I care if a women's standards are so high she ends up alone? I think standards (esp women's, since they tend to be much higher) is the only thing keeping segments of society from going to shit.
If I was part of the next generation I'd want my mom to hold out for a tall, funny, good looking, rich, charming guy to be half of my genetic code and teach me how to be like him.
I'd hate to know that my mom settled for some substandard beta man just because she was lonely and got desperate.
[–]Senior ContributorDemonspawn5 points6 points7 points 12 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Last night with my plate we were discussing hypergamy. She asked me if I was mad about it or if I thought it was wrong.
"Is it wrong that the sky is blue?"
"Well.... (pause) This is one of those IS things from earlier, right?"
"Exactly. Hypergamy IS. We can set up society to take advantage of this trait in a way that lifts society. We can set up society pretending it doesn't exist and watch it cause problems. Or, hell, we can do what we've done today and set up society in such a way that it makes it easier to express, to mate jump, to destroy the permanence of marriage... to fuck up everything in relationships."
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[–]5 Endorsed ContributorStayinghereforreal37 points38 points39 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]sadshark3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Retsaot3513 points14 points15 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]fiat_lux_-1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Retsaot350 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fiat_lux_0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Ethan4716 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]gopher_glitz4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Senior ContributorDemonspawn5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link