This is a train wreck story i want some advice of people here on this subreddit who can guide me and tell me how wrong i am and how can i get rid of this one woman who constantly tortures me mentally since 2020 march . Story of an LTR of 10 years

Long story short Ex went to have a drink with her so called male best friend in 2012 right after a fight with me like switched off her phone and went to his house for a drink , i believe she was already in touch with him because she was at his house within the next 30 mins and switched off her phone after having a fight with me , i could never trust her after that and after that i dropped out of college so it became a long distance relationship where i could only see her on weekends , i know i should have left but i didnt and was selfish to stay with her for sexual purposes and spent time with her .

2016 i cheated with a classmate by giving her a back massage , ex knew it , took screenshots of my chat with her , my classmate asked me to leave my ex in 2016 i didnt because of selfish reasons again and choose to work it out with my ex .

Ex would always stay silent , wont allow me to talk to any of my female friends at all i wasnt allowed to talk to female friends , wont let me do a corporate job and ask me to do a job which would require work from home or do a job which would give less pay ( this went on for 2017 to 2019 ) .

I became a drug dealer in 2019 and me and my ex when we would do drugs together she triggered me and i became emotional and thought i loved her so i gave her the truths where i had lied to her .

2020 march she confesses to cheating , after that she goes on torturing me mentally how its all my fault and i became too weak , my confidence depleted i got soo mentally damaged to a point where i am not able to talk to my friends aswell , like any simple words from anybody's mouth would trigger me so i decided to stay alone and not talk to anyone .

After her confession she gave me 1 month of time to get over her cheating but kept saying she didnt confess to cheating and lied and lied and gaslighted and even went as far as rewriting history with her best friends drinking of 2012 when asked ( there was no need to lie on this part as the whole college crowd knew ) she lied too much which affected me as she was changing my reality of incidents and i believe thats gaslighting .

She chooses to take a polygraph test and passes the polygraph with flying colors , even after lying soo much she passed the question " are you being honest with your spouse " result was " no deception " to which i go crazy and think its all my fault and i should put in all the work in the relationship.

2021 march during my birthday she gives me a visit to which i simply ask her to be honest and she yells and hits me ( i was physically abusive aswell in rare scenarios ) and denys and denys and denys and denys everything , she records the whole interaction with me and shows it to her friends . She goes on social media and badmouths me and also calls me controlling and says i accused her when she cant even mention i accused her because of her confession , i verbally abused her due to her abusing my mother in covert ways and she posts it on social media aswell.

After all this she gets back with her male bestfriend her male best friend edits other womens pics and puts her face they do video editing and stuff like that which shows how much close her male best friend is to her .

Now i dont want to be in contact with her and dont want to do anything with this woman but my whole family my friends are blaming me and torturing me mentally to accept her abuse and her behaviour and her relationship with her best friend and i am wrong to not allow her to cut contact with this best friend .

This last part might sound crazy but they all torture me in my head like different sounds come from my mouth like even when i am recording my voice on my cellphone and talk , diffrent sounds get recorded . I beg you all to give me sound advice as to what should i do and how do i get rid of this woman from my life and what should i do regarding my parents , i am very firm i dont want this woman anywhere near me or in my life ever at all ( Also what should i do regarding the voices in my head and crazyness going around me ? Should i just ignore ? )

I stay alone in my moms house my parents have 2 houses , and i am job ready but finding it hard to get a job in my field also ill be going for an interview today , what shall i do in this case ? Please you are are the only hope as to what i should do , i repeat i do not want this woman in my life at all and i am very firm on this one also what should i do regarding the voices in my head should i just ignore them and do my job and act like nothings happening and theres no chaos ?

She cheated or not thats not my concern she lied , is completely dishonest and passed the polygraph and shows no regard for my boundaries and her male best friend is always gonna be the trouble i just want to live my life , solo without her .

Also please tell me what should i do regarding the voices in my head , seeing a psychiatrist or therapist wont help .