Intro: I matched with this girl at the end of August 2017, we had a little conversation by text and things seemed to be pretty smooth so I set a date for some days later which she agreed. Here in China “we” use 2 different nicknames for girls according to their age (I don’t have to explain you why). Until 26 we call Rainy, after that Vivian. Vivian flakes 2 hours before the first meeting saying she was tired and shit, she wants a rain check for the next day. I say “No, I have plans”.

I write her 2 months later since I was a bit short on supply, we talk a bit and then we set a date for the next Friday which she keeps and we meet. The night was good, we have a good time, conversation was good, we kiss. The next morning she texts me saying thank you for the night, great conversation bla bla bla. We meet the next Friday, another good night and she comes over, we bang and it was pretty good, she was actually pretty submissive, beginning of December, second date.

After that she kept silent so I sent her Christmas wishes and we set what would be our third date for the next Friday. Guess what? She flakes again 2 hours before we meet (see the pattern?). This time she had an excuse which was legit. Obviously I said that I didn’t like the short notice and that she would have to make up for this (Vivian agrees). Obviously this chick was demoted after that flake but I still wanted to bang her. Fast forwards 2 weeks later, I don’t ask her to go out, I tell her to come over to my place for dinner. She agrees.

*Body: * Vivian is on time, as soon as she gets in I realize that there’s something in the air. Greetings and shit, we start talking and I feel that she has something to blurt out. She’s a different girl compared to the one I dated before. I ask her questions and I let her talk.

Vivian: You know, I’m a bit concerned about our relationship. I think it all happened too fast.

BNM: Oh really, what’s the problem?

Vivian: Sometimes I’m afraid to see you.. (Vivian starts crying) (BNM pulls Vivian close to him)

BMN: (I’m laughing inside but I keep my composure) Afraid? Tell me, what makes you afraid of seeing me?

Vivian: I’m afraid that if I keep seeing you and I fall deeply in love with you then you may not be serious in the long term and I will get hurt. (keep crying) You have to understand that even if I fall deep in love with you, if I don’t see any future, I will leave.

BNM: Darling we just met twice, don’t you think it’s too early to talk about relationship?

Vivian: You know I’m looking for a guy who is willing to meet my parents maybe in 6 months and then think about marrying me.

BNM: Well, I like you and I like spending time with you. But we were supposed to meet 4 times and you flaked on 2 of them. That’s 50%, not exactly my ideal rate for a relationship.

Vivian: Yeah I know I’m sorry for that, I promise that I’ll never do it again.

I calm her down a bit and I suggest we order dinner, she sits on my lap, we pick the food and now we have to wait about an hour for the food to be delivered (which was what I planned in advance obviously).

BNM: So, we have to wait for about an hour, how about you show me how sorry you are for canceling our plans last time?

We bang (actually she bangs me) and it was pretty good. She did all the job and she did everything I said.

Food comes we start eating and keep talking about light topics. We finish dinner and then Vivian restarts “the talk” from where she left. This time I change my approach.

Vivian: You know in China people get together then they meet each other parents.

BNM: Oh I see, and then they have sex?

Vivian: (looks pissed) You know in China marriage in very important, we have the hukou system do you know what it is?

BNM: Yes I know what it is, I’ve been here several years.

Vivian: Usually in China when people get married it’s the man’s job to buy a house.

BNM: Oh really, no shit.

Vivian: Yes, it’s very important to have a house of property for your children bla bla bla. You just have to pay 35% of down payment and then you can pay a little mortgage. Plus it’s an investment.

BNM: I’m sure it is, but not for you, for the bank.

Vivian: If you have a house in China things are much easier and you have more security.

At this point I had finished the wine and I was enough of her bullshit.

BNM: You know honey, I think I’m never going to buy a house in this lifetime, especially in China.

Vivian fakes a smile but realizes that I’m serious. I shift the conversation on some other light topics and, at some point, she says that she needs to go home because it was getting late (9.30). Thanks for the dinner.

BNM: Sure, can you do me a favor before you go?

Vivian: Yes, sure

BNM: Can you take the trash out with you, you know downstairs outside the door, please just drop the bags there.

Vivian: Oh ok, no problem. Bye.

BNM: Bye.

THE END

Side note: I was just finishing this FR when Vivian sent me a text asking me how I’m doing. It’s interesting to note how she has never pursued me before but now she does.

Obviously she didn’t realize that I was dumping her, I think I’ve been too subtle or maybe she’s not smart enough to get it. I think it’s pretty clear that I’m not seeing this girl again on her terms. Honestly sex was pretty good so I may try to keep her as a plate by giving her the “Let’s just be plates” speech.

Conclusions: This thing happened already with another girl (here in China) when I was BP. If I didn’t fall for that shit back then I don’t see why I should now. Girls will try to manipulate you in every possible way to push their agenda (emotional ways especially like crying/playing games/push and pull/trigger your insecurities/challenge your manhood etc.).

Let them unfold their game and pretend that you’re playing by the rules as long as you don’t have to commit to anything. Always observe and never judge. Never state your intentions, leave things hanging. When you are forced to make a decision walk away. They will learn the lesson at some point.

You don’t want to be with a manipulator and you don’t want your children to become manipulators as well just because they learned it from their dear mom.