Due to the rather controversial and polarizing nature of SR; I'll preface with the obvious that my hypothesis stems from the subjective, there is no tangible way to prove or disprove what I'm saying. You do you.

In college, I became self aware of how porn addiction was limiting my potential and cut the strokage to a few times a week with my imagination or softcore pics once in a blue moon. Appeared to propel me in a relatively TRP mode of interacting with the world; eyes on the purpose, hustle, fuck, don't sweat anyone's opinion (especially a woman's), etc. But that all went out the window with a few broads that could very well could have been succubus's sent from the pits of eternal suffering haha; from falsified domestic violence charges with self inflicted wounds to drug fueled power trips that make Mao look sane, I truly felt their wrath... These woman broke me, though their insanity is precisely what got me obsessed and I brought it all upon myself; I knew exactly what I was getting myself into.. Anyhow, long story short; I could not help but question myself through the years of how I could descend to such desperation and need for control with these women and continue to fuck up.. Logically, I could tear it apart from a distance; but there was something compromising my very fiber in the heat of it all that I could not put my finger on.. Sure enough, it was staring my nuts right in the face.

I came across an article a year back about training your kegels to prevent ejaculating, dramatically reduce your refractory period, and multiple orgasms. The author seemed truthful and I thought why not? Though it did seem a little too good to be true.. But hey, sure enough; I got the hang of it in a week or so and my mind was absolutely rattled. It felt the exact same as actually unleashing and you aren't a closeted homosexual for the next five minutes after cummin haha. You just keep on going on going till one of you are physically drained.. Sweet Jesus, the first woman I fucked may have loss motor function from the waist down haha; the ravenous bewilderment of this theory being put to action amidst my eyes was something else...

The more I refrained from release, the further detached I became. Met some great women and savored their beauty, though was not subconsciously consumed by it for the first time in my life. Felt like surfing a wave in a sense, on to the next. Then my greatest challenge came 2 months into the journey, Cassandra... A body sculpted by the grimiest hands in Hollywood with the utmost craftsmanship, past the wall yet absolutely pristine. She approached me actually and I had the suspicion she was a prostitute, but na - just a lonely MILF with a good heart. I couldn't resist the urge to nut with this one.. And man o man, the proceeding days were pathetic haha. Imagining absurdities way down the line, convincing myself she is the one, absolutely consumed by what just happened; the exact opposite heading over to her apartment.. Then I put it all together, she milked me dry of my preciously bodily fluids. I formulated that my body was under the impression she was the women intended to raise my children on a physiological level, therefore, this was all an illusion.. I got back on the retention train and sure enough, Cassandra became just another plate and I wasn't stressin one bit from the raw intimidation of her SMV. We were two totally different people and lust was the fundamental derivative of our interaction; nothing more, nothing less.

Since then (7 months), I can hardly formulate words to describe the fine line of indifference and freedom that commitment to SR conjures. It's so surreal, sex just feels like surfing.. Always another wave, never time to think about my last ride, and enjoying every spot for the unique wave that it creates. The antithesis of onetitis it appears.. I still very much care and empathize with the women that come my way, it's not as if I've relinquished my capacity to feel; but rather, I can see the trivial nature of it all and am becoming increasingly more consumed with finding the woman for which I can unleash my seed. Maybe not the antithesis of oneitis then haha? Not that I am anywhere close to having children (24), the desire has only materialized rather recently with my SR journey and still something I have to fuly grasp. Though that appears to be my purpose and not the frivolous poundage of my lil guy for momentary pleasure.. A concept that my brain with the proclivity for nihilism could never really ever grasp, why waste the money/time/potential heart break on some mini me I'd always wonder.. But fuck me, it's what I'm wired to do I reckon and there is no defying the mechanics at be..

I'm not sure what else there is to type; maybe I'm deluded and making inferences from temporary emotions, maybe there is factual reasoning for my shift in perspective. I really don't know, I'm a professional poker player and not a scientist in the slightest. Though if you can relate or see the semblance of logic in my hypothesis, hopefully my ramblings can help in some variant or another.

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Best,

bachbozo